Question:
It's been about a year since i was diagnosed with herpes. I had my worst outbreaks in the first few months. Then I didnt have any for 8 months. Im in a relationship I've been in for 5 1/2 months. He knew about my condition before we slept together and it wasn't a problem to him. Now I'm having an outbreak. This has totally disappointed us both because we very much enjoy sex with each other. He is just dying for it and I really dont want to expose him to it during an outbreak. I know that technically we are contagious even without an outbreak, but we don't use condoms. The day i got my outbreak I told him i was contagious and I think that may have been the wrong thing to say, maybe i should've said i'm having an outbreak. kinda made it sound like i wasn't contagious any other time. I'm having a real problem with this now. Im afraid that i shoud have explained it more in the begining. I dont think he really worries about it, he keeps saying how come you wont let me...lol...but i feel that with an outbreak, im more contagious than i would be with out one. Any suggestions....

Answer:
I can't imagine why anyone would WANT to even think about having sex during an OB OUCH!!! This is why it seems like MOST people must've caught this with no symptoms present. I know if my BF would've had a big ole cold sore on his mouth when he gave this to my girl parts I would've said NO WAY!! Of course I'm nearing my 30s and being in the sack all day just isn't as fun as it used to be OB or not HAHAHAHAHAHA. Plus you still have all those new relationship butterflies....things'll calm down for ya ;)

Answer:
...I'm having an outbreak. This has totally disappointed us both because we very much enjoy sex with each other. He is just dying for it and I really dont want to expose him to it during an outbreak. I know that technically we are contagious even without an outbreak, but we don't use condoms.
....he keeps saying how come you wont let me...lol...but i feel that with an outbreak, im more contagious than i would be with out one. Any suggestions.... 1. f you have sex during an outbreak he will DEFINITELY catch it. It is EXTREMELY infectious when you have symptoms.

2. You / we are NOT infectious all the time when not having outbreaks.
"Viral shedding" occurs 1-4% of non-outbreak days - that is every 100 days you are well, you are likely to be leaking virus through your skin for 1-4days. Where ? Can never know - but anywhere on lower body. When exactly ? Can never know.

3. In your scenario (girl has it, guy doesn't) he has a 5% chance every year of catching it if you are not on antivirals or using condoms. Both actions halve the chance. That means that every year that 100 couples like you do it bareback (when "well" only - no trace of HSV - nor in the lead up to it, nor immediately the signs are gone), 5 men will become infected. Have you put this to him ? Perhaps he will understand better why you are not up for it if you tell him.

Answer:
PS - re being worried re telling a different story to originally - it sounds to me that you didn't understand back then, and now you want him to know this is stuff you have just discovered (thru caring about him and being concerned for his welfare) - that's an inroad, perhaps ? I mean its true.

PS2 - if you have been having bareback sex for a year, he may be in the 5% of men with affected partners that catches it anyway.
Maybe you guys should think about regular testing for him ?

If he has it already (remember 80% have no idea they have it and many people are asympomatic: this is how many of us get it in the first place - from such people), then the whole situation shifts ....