Question:
Hiya everyone,
Meh, I swear I'm not an AH (re: my cookie comment), just a little wtf at the whole situation considering how it went down.
See, I'm only 28, but I have not had any sexual contact for 4 years now, of any kind. Some people have a hard time believing this due to my age, but it's just how it's been. I have never been able to just "f*ck", I need some type of connection to the person who I would choose to share my body with. Between school, working, & real life, my social life has basically taken a back seat in priorities. I have dated here and there, but the last 3 men I have dated, nothing ever came of it, because every last one of them turned out to be involved with someone else. I felt before, and in honesty still do that I am important enough to be the ONLY, not a side piece of ass.
Why do I state all of this?
Last Tuesday I slept with someone for the first time in 4 years. IRONICALLY it is the very same person I had slept with 4 years ago, and the year before. So this man has been the ONLY person I have been intimate with for about 5 years now.
The sex was great. Great until two days later I started developing symptoms. When I started feeling the symptoms, I got real comfortable with a mirror, as I knew something totally wasn't right, I have never felt anything like I did that day, and for some great reason, at my age have never even had a yeast infection *knocks on wood, cause my poor kitty just needs a break* (sorry if TMI).
So I am here, cause I couldn't think of anyone else but y'all who knows what it's like to open up with a mirror, and to see those charming little white spots everywhere....and to feel your stomach literally drop out on you.
Friday I went to planned parenthood. I already knew, but I think it was more of a last hope of being proven that I was wrong. Well, this morning I received the phone call that I wasn't.
I have now been on this site for the past 4 hours trying to absorb and learn everything I can. You are all wonderful with your frankness, and I have to be honest in admitting that because of y'all, I think I am actually handling this a lot better than I would have if not for the internet....go figure.
Don't get me wrong though....I am not pleased at all about this. My emotions are doing some major swinging at the moment (well, for a few days now in honesty). One moment...I almost feel like it's just not that big of a deal, especially after reading all of the statistics of population infection, and reading posts by those who have had it long term. I can almost forget for a moment here and there despite having confirmation today. Hell, after what I have read, and SEEN online, apparently I am very fortunate to not had a kickass preliminary OB, it's just really annoying more than anything, but then I get a twing, or a quick sharp pain, then I feel like I just want to throw up on my key board.
I am also really struggling with the concept that in honesty I basically brought this on myself. We were fooling around, I gave him head (now home come I don't have an outbreak on my mouth instead?!?!?!?!?!?!?!...though the vanity in me in saying thank god, though after reading everything today, i know I am not out of the woods.....), and that was all I had intended to do. We didn't have a condom, so i said no sex, because I was paranoid of an STD {educated in the age of HIV, ya know (see, freaking IRONY again!!!!!!) }.
Things just happened so quickly, too quickly. Afterwards, he asked me point blank why I was asking for a condom too?!?!?1 And I answered because it's the responsible thing to do, duh....Yeah, totally blew that one, didn't I.

The saddest part to me, and tell me folks if I am fucked for thinking this, is that I cannot even enjoy the memory of us physically because of the infection, and I am pretty pissed about that, as it had been so long for me.

Now, here is the kicker....are y'all still with me, LOLZ, it's a novel, I know...We are not in a relationship at all. He is a friend, and that is all we will ever be to each other, BUT despite being so pissed at this situation, I cannot imagine or accept that he would have given this to me knowingly.

I have read the forum in depth about having the talk with a new perspective partner, but I need some advice about having the talk with the person who infected you.

I could be a douche, and just ignore him for the rest of my life. Especially as I am moving out of state soon. But at the end of the day, I believe we need to have this conversation, if he doesn't realize he has it, he needs to know for his and potential partners future health, or when I am in a bad emo moment, if he did know, so I can kick his ass properly.

Despite us being friends (we drift in and out of each other's lives), I am really scared about this need to happen convo. I am scared he will assume that it's all me. I am scared that he will not believe my sexual history, but I think despite the fact that I should probably be more angry at the moment (anyone else experience this), I am more scared of him totally writing me off for good. Every scenario of this soon to happen convo is leaving me sick to my stomach. Yeah, yeah, if he blames me, or drops me for good, his loss. The intellect in me knows this, but at the moment, intellect isn't present, I am faced with the reality only.

Those of you who have talked or confronted the person who infected you, how did you go about it? How did the talk itself go, how are the two of you in general after the fact.

And is it totally sick that I am still attracted to this man, and if our convo works out ok, that I would still consider being intimate with him for my remaining time here before I move. Am I supposed to be more furious?

I am praying y'all give me some advice and wisdom :)

So, now that I have it all out...seriously, do I get a cookie ,lol...

And I hereby swear to inform any new partner of my status. Y'all are my witnesses.
Cheers.

Answer:
I told my boyfriend (at the time) that "I suggest you go to the doctor and get tested for herpes. My doctor thinks, based on my physical symptoms, I am having a 'primary' herpes outbreak" ....I told my boyfriend I would know for certain when my bloodwork came back....

One thing I didn't do to my ex was blame him right away (even though I knew in my gut I wanted to kill him). My doctor told me that if my bloodwork came back positive, than I had been carrying this and didn't know it. But----it didn't. My bloodwork came back negative....so my doc was right, I had just acquired this. Well, I went and told my now ex, and he was ABNORMALLY calm--- his reaction was not normal AT ALL.

I suggest that you be upfront with him. Seeing as you have been friends on and off for years, hopefully he will be honest with you.

Answer:
Thank you for your input.
My swab test was positive, but blood work was negative, so it's new for me too.

Do you mind if I ask why you two are now exes...was it because of his reaction to you? As in Did he know already?

If that's too much to ask, I totally understand.

Answer:
Despite us being friends (we drift in and out of each other's lives), I am really scared about this need to happen convo. I am scared he will assume that it's all me. I am scared that he will not believe my sexual history, but I think despite the fact that I should probably be more angry at the moment (anyone else experience this), I am more scared of him totally writing me off for good. Every scenario of this soon to happen convo is leaving me sick to my stomach. Yeah, yeah, if he blames me, or drops me for good, his loss. The intellect in me knows this, but at the moment, intellect isn't present, I am faced with the reality only.


I too am in a similar situation, i still have not built upp the courage to ask or tell him that he has infected me b/c im not sure if he knows that he has it. we are in a long distant relationship and plan on seeing each other soon, im hoping i can get it out to him, but my fear is that he will deny or not believe me and possibly mention it to other i know (that would kill me). i havent told anyone and dont want to deal with peoples thoughts of me.

Answer:
Despite us being friends (we drift in and out of each other's lives), I am really scared about this need to happen convo. I am scared he will assume that it's all me. I am scared that he will not believe my sexual history, but I think despite the fact that I should probably be more angry at the moment (anyone else experience this), I am more scared of him totally writing me off for good. Every scenario of this soon to happen convo is leaving me sick to my stomach. Yeah, yeah, if he blames me, or drops me for good, his loss. The intellect in me knows this, but at the moment, intellect isn't present, I am faced with the reality only.
I too am in a similar situation, i still have not built upp the courage to ask or tell him that he has infected me b/c im not sure if he knows that he has it. we are in a long distant relationship and plan on seeing each other soon, im hoping i can get it out to him, but my fear is that he will deny or not believe me and possibly mention it to other i know (that would kill me). i havent told anyone and dont want to deal with peoples thoughts of me.

Answer:
Despite us being friends (we drift in and out of each other's lives), I am really scared about this need to happen convo. I am scared he will assume that it's all me. I am scared that he will not believe my sexual history, but I think despite the fact that I should probably be more angry at the moment (anyone else experience this), I am more scared of him totally writing me off for good. Every scenario of this soon to happen convo is leaving me sick to my stomach. Yeah, yeah, if he blames me, or drops me for good, his loss. The intellect in me knows this, but at the moment, intellect isn't present, I am faced with the reality only I too am in a similar situation, i still have not built upp the courage to ask or tell him that he has infected me b/c im not sure if he knows that he has it. we are in a long distant relationship and plan on seeing each other soon, im hoping i can get it out to him, but my fear is that he will deny or not believe me and possibly mention it to other i know (that would kill me). i havent told anyone and dont want to deal with peoples thoughts of me.[/quote]