Question:
I got the HSV2 virus one year ago. I am not sure where I got it. My bf doesnt have any symptom and he rejected to do the blood test. When I dignosed it, we have already been together for 4 months. At that time, he didnt leave me. I am really grateful about that. But gradually he igores my feeling, does not care about me too much. We talk and spend time when he likes to. We didnt have sex for 4 months.He doesnt like kiss me using his tongue. And he flirts with other girls. I know so far he didn't have sex with other girls.Maybe he cannot really accept the fact I have HP. Last month, he took a trip to another coutry for a month. When he came back, he told his friend he is disappointed to come back to his gf. He began to call a girl he just met in another country. He thinks that girl is so attractive and beautiful. He also spend a lot of time on dirty talks with girls online. So when I want to have a walk on weekends, he doesn't have time. Yesterday, he told me, he likes to be around me. If he is attracted by other girls, that's just temperately.

After knowing all of these. I am so desperate. I am 27 and have a good career. I love my bf so much. But it seems like he doesnt think I am attractive any more. Since we knew I have herpes, he is always in the upper hand. He told me it's hard for me to find another guy if we break up.
I cry and cry so many times. I cannot go to sleep everyday. I am so scared. I am worried about if we break up， I will never find a nice guy. The whole two weeks since he came back, I cannot concentrate on my work at all. I feel so lonely and miserable. I don't know what to do.

Answer:
This all comes down to your self esteem, you may have had low self esteem prior to being diagnosed with hsv and now it's just completely shot. Let me say that I know that the idea of having to put yourself back out there in that "dating scene" is frightening but you have to love yourself enough to know that you deserve to love and be loved and you shouldn't settle for anything less than that.

Right now, it sounds like you are being emotionally abused. I don't mean to be dramatic but look at what you've said, he openly flirts with other women in front of you, he's manipulated you into thinking that you're never find another man (and you believe him) does this really sound like someone you want to stay with? Also, you ever stop to think that maybe he's the one who gave you hsv?

The bottom line, having herpes doesn't mean you have to settle for this. I am not going to say that you should leave your bf, however, I will say this, you have to love yourself first, only then are you in the position to find someone to truly love you. When we do not love ourselves, that's when we start to put up with things that deep down we know are unacceptable. We find ways to justify the behaviour. I have a feeling that if it wasn't herpes he would use something else to manipulate you. Maybe your focus should be on rebuilding your self esteem/self love/self worth and not on some bf who's clearly doesn't respect you.

Answer:
Excuse me if I offend you but your bf is full of SHIT!! Work on yourself first, and I can PROMISE you that there is someone out there that will treat you GREAT!! Will ask you for walks during the weekend instead of you wanting and waiting.

Get your self esteem back and you will be on top of the world.

Answer:
thank you for both of you, lilanne19 and alwall0828.
I thought about leaving my bf. But it's easy to say but it's hard to get it done.
I have been with him for more than one year. He is the only one knows I have GH except doctors. Even sometimes he igores me and he doesn't treat me as nice as I do, so far he didn't cheat me or take other girls as serious. I am a conservative and traditional person. He is the 2nd person I have sex with.
My bf and I talked about our future life before. I am waiting for him to find a job, then we can get married, buy house and have baby. Just recently, my feeling becomes so complicated. I feel so insceure to be with him. I am not sure if we can be together for life-long time.
But every time I think about break up with him. I become so upset. I cannot continue to think about my life after that. I wll be lonely. I cannot tell any of my friends of it. The whole stuff really borthers me.

Answer:
if someone is a great friend you "should" be able to tell them and they give you moral support. YOur comment of so far he hasn't cheated. Well, scrap that. I wouldn't give him the chance to cheat on me. And if he doesn't treat you very well, you definately don't want to be tied to this person with having to deal with him being an @ss and having his child or being financially obligated with a house.

Trust me girl youneed to kick this loser.

Answer:
Honsestly your bf sounds like a dick. If he's checking out other girls, flirting and having dirty convo's with them its not long till he cheats or he may have already. I hate to be blunt and hurt you but its true. He should only be wanting to flirt and do things with you. If he needs that from other girls he's not satisfied in his relationship. Not that its your fault, he may just be a person that doesn't notice the good things you offer and takes them for granted. You need to get out of this relationship, trust me there are men out there that will accept you for having herpes. Don't just settle cause he accepts you. You deserve to be treated good. So find someone that will give you everything you need emotionally and physically.

Answer:
Are we forgetting that this guy refused to get tested for hsv and is playing the controlling position of trying to convince you that you should be honored to have his attention?

Why should you feel badly when he probably is the one who infected you and now he is shopping for someone else?

Why should you consider yourself lucky to be treated as if you are damaged goods?

Why would his behaviour improve once you are married and have kids with him?

He doesn't have a job, he flirts with other girls, he says cruel, hurtful things to you.

What the heck are the pro's to staying with this guy. He sounds like an abusive control freak. Open your eyes.

You are the good catch. You have the great career. Please figure out why you are being co-dependent and letting this creep wear down your self esteem and realize that you can do so much better and be happy to boot.

Answer:
It's not always easy to get out of a bad situation, especially when there are feelings involved, but you yourself have outlined for us the reasons you should NOT stay!

Saying you need to leave and actually leaving are two completely different things, i know. Maybe you could start by doing little things that help you on your way -- look into housing options, start saving money, start thinking of your future without him. I found it was most helpful to rely on my friends and my family to bring me back to reality whenever i started doubting myself -- if you have GOOD friends and family, tell them you've resolved to end the relationship but you need emotional support. If they care for you, they'll help you in any way they can.

You can do so much better than him, and even being alone is better than being in a situation like that, believe me! It is hard and takes time, but don't let HSV be the reason you're hanging around. GET OUT! Good luck!

Answer:
catiesmom makes good points.

for me, in the past, the hardest part of moving on was my personal analysis of what I'd invested. it took me realizing that if there is not a return on an investment that to keep putting more into it would only add to the loss. so I had to accept that the loss was real and the investment needed to be made elsewhere.

I also had to realize that if I was constantly giving to others I was taking away from myself and once my supply of self esteem and energy was gone I wouldn't have anything to give to others and they'd quickly move on.

a stable healthy relationship takes two people giving - not one giving and one taking. if two people aren't committed to the health of the relationship it becomes sick and unbalanced and before long it topples under the weight of very minor issues.

I keep thinking of what you said about this man telling you that you won't be able to find another guy if you break up. But here he is, probably the man who infected you, and he is shopping for another girl. He should be lucky you stay with him and he should realize that if he gets honest with himself that it will be difficult for him to find another girl who has as much to offer as you. He clearly doesn't appreciate you and you deserve to be loved and adored. You can find someone better.