Question:
I WAS a 19 year old college student, a dancer, a stoner, and so much fun. I had sex when i wanted to (with protection), i dashed in and out of relationships like a girl with a mission, and i was healthy. And i had so many guys hitting on me i could have a different guy every day. But usually, they weren't so great cuz i was stoned most of the time.

Then i had sex with someone who didn't have the BALLS to tell me he'd had herpes for 5 years, and now i have it. I didnt even like him, but i was really stoned and the more i smoked the more he looked like Adam Sandler and i LOVE Adam Sandler...i'm getting distracted. I regret that night more than anything in my entire life.

I turned into an ancient, ugly, depressed, anxious woman who's eyes dart around watching everyone else who doesnt have herpes, everyone else who can still have casual sex, everyone else who doesn't have open and bleeding lesions on their genitals, everyone else who isnt INFECTED with this disease. Normal people. I envy them now. People i would have labled "dorks" or "losers" are now looking pretty good. They're happy because THEY don't have a disease that makes people cringe and yell "UNCLEAN!!"

Unfortunately, the day i found out i had it i had to go on a snowboarding vacation with my mother, brother and sister. My mother could tell something was wrong by the way i was walking, and staying in a hotel together, it was inevitable my mother would know.

She watched me walk stiffly to the bathroom and SCREAM bloody murder when i tried to urinate. She saw the blood run down my legs and my face twist in absolute agony. And she knew. And she cried like i've never seen her cry.

"What have you done to yourself now?! You are forever infected with this thing it NEVER GOES AWAY! You can never have sex without telling someone first if you have any integrity, having children is gonna be so risky and WHO, just tell me WHO my darling child is going to want to marry you now? Now that you're...INFECTED?!?!"

And just then in that exact moment, i wanted to die. I wanted to end my pain, end this shame from my mother, and take away the images of boys i don't know turning away from me with looks of disgust upon their faces.

It's been 3 weeks since that day, and my mother and i have talked. And we've researched Herpes. I have to stay healthy cuz if i dont' ill have more outbreaks. I have to stop partying...i have to give up weed-- The one thing in my life that has remained constant and has allowed me to fit in wherever i may go and to whatever party i go to. My addiction has taken my life over, and if i hadnt been stoned, i KNOW i wouldnt have had sex with that guy.

Point is, having Herpes has made me decide to give up weed. And now my mother is happy. She says she's so sad that i had to be stopped by getting herpes, but my wild days are over and i can actually go to class now.

But no one's ever going to want me. I guess i'll just be an old maid with my ferrets and my books, and give up on any relationship of any kind. I won't kill myself, but in a way a whole big part of me has died already. I could have had so many choices. I'm smart, pretty, well-bred, ambitious, fun, and compassionate. But no one will ever see that again. I'll be wearing a sign on my forehead the rest of my life:

INFECTED

Answer:
i know its not as bad as your situation.

but when i met my last gf (who happened to be my first true love). i told her i had mulliscum contagisum. this very early in the realtionship. days after we first had sex, i noticed the "bumps." they broke out all over.

i freaked. and immediatly saw a doctor. that is when i was diagnosed. i felt horrible because i feared i gave it to her.

i had to tell her.

i told her and she cried. but not because i might have given it to her, but because i had to live with it. she then told me she loved me, and didnt want anything to change.

my point is, there are people out there that will accept you and your virus. hang in there.

Answer:
Hi Amelie,

I know how you feel. I am a 22 year old male who discovered when I was 13 that something wasn't right. I don't know how I got this disease but I do know what it is. What I can tell you is that you aren't alone and that there is still hope. Never give up hope. There will always be some who can still see your soul and still love you. When you find your soul mate he will love you and accept you regardless of what disease you have or how you look. He will see your soul and you will feel like a child again. Innocent and fresh.

I hope this helps you. :)

Answer:
Listen very carefully. Just because you have this disease doesn't mean your life is over. I want to tell you a story. A girl l loved along time ago who was a friend stopped seeing me when l exposed to her that l knew she had genital herpes. What she never realised was that all the handsome men she went out with would have dumped her the first moment she told them she had the disease. Me on the other hand who is plain and not handsome but has the most beautiful soul you have ever met would have contracted the disease with pleasure if she had taken a risk and gone out with me. The moral is this: love the men who are prepared to love you you for all you are. It doesn't matter if they are fat bald or ugly . They are worth a billion more than the handsome men you find so attracive and special but who would dump you when they find out you have the disease. Learn to understand that the ugly guy who asks you out knowing you have the disease is the one you should marry. Learn to be humble and realise that the good looking guys are the bastards who are to happy to infect you. The ugly guy is the one who will give you children and love you forever disease or not. Lesson1: any time the geek asks you out , go out with him he will love you for who you are, and not just fuck you for his pleasure. iF YOU HAD DONE THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE , YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THIS SICKENING UGLY DISEASE.

Answer:
well, silly me. there was i thinking that being an attractive young lady wouldn't prohibit me from being a nice person. if i'd known all along that our potential to be a right fucking bastard is directly proportional to our aesthetic strength, i would've been making much more use of all those opportunities i've had to, well, be a right fucking bastard.

you're chatting shit, mate.

Answer:
Amelie,
I concur with the above. First off...you are not alone. When you look around every fourth or fifth person you see (probably more) has what we do. You are simply among the living! Good, bad, ugly, hot people....all have this. I was around your age when I first thought i might have had this, sunk into depression for about 2 years found out I didn't have it, and ended up catching it 13 years later (just diagnosed last month). Your casual sex friends are on there way if they don't already have this as well. Back in college, when I miss-diagnosed myself, a friend confided in me and told me he had this. He went on to marry, have a child, is very successful and has always had his choice of women. My point in telling you this is that even the most normal people have this and deal with it! I found out just last month and realize that so many people are with us. I have felt exactly as you (just the other day, in fact). I have had been very fortunate myself but a few years back ran into the most tragic few years I could have ever imagined and right when I started coming out of the woods again, I got the diagnosis. I am still having a hard time dealing....... but will, and you will too! I cut back on Pot myself to help boost the immune system last month and am looking at changing alot of other things in my life. I just wanted you to know your not ALONE! 25% of everyone you see tomorrow are dealing with it too. But, just like them, I can't just wear a shirt that says "I have herpes". There is a stigma but also alot of promise. I have more of problem with you having ferret's than you having herpes. Keep yer chin up!

Answer:
SOMEBODY's bitter...S.D. Plisskin - get a fucking grip on yourself. I am sick of people using this place as a podium for bitching.

#1 - attraction is a part of love - I'm sorry - whether it is physical or psychological. I have been in love with less than the average Joe - and also a physically beautiful man. And for the record - neither one was prince charming.

So you're saying if I meet a handsome man, he will have an STD? If you think only "beautiful" people have Herpes and "give it" to people - well, I thank you for the compliment - I feel more beatiful for you implying that - but I'll tell you - anyone who knowingly "gives it" is anything but beautiful.

How dare you insult her - she is being open and honest - wether you agree or not. And how dare you inslult all the wonderful people in the world by implying that only unattractive people can love unconditionally.

I'm not sure what you look like - nor do I care - your bitterness and negativity shows a completely unattractive person to me - I don't need to SEE you to know that.

I can't believe you wasted our time like that. FInd positivity in your life - let us know what if anything that may be - we'd rather hear about that.

Answer:
But no one's ever going to want me. I guess i'll just be an old maid with my ferrets and my books, and give up on any relationship of any kind. I won't kill myself, but in a way a whole big part of me has died already. I could have had so many choices. I'm smart, pretty, well-bred, ambitious, fun, and compassionate. But no one will ever see that again.

You have ferrets!!! Cool! I love ferrets. I want one so bad. Eventually I'll get one. I have enough though with two cats and a horse. I feel exactly how you do.
The thing is though that I NEVER wanted kids and years ago I decided I didn't want to be married either. So I guess because of that I haven't completely fallen apart. I NEVER have sex for a million reasons and I feel obligated to tell people that even come over to my house (to visit me, not my roommate of course). Thank God that isn't too many people! I'm paranoid about giving it to somebody without sexual contact. Herpes is one of the reasons my roommate asked me to leave!
Trust me I haven't even given sex a single thought since I found out I had it 1/04 this year. That's a drastic change because I used to think about sex 24/7, literally! I currently go to counseling and it's helping (I also have other issues, not herpes related).