Question:
wow...i cannot be thankful enough to find this site......... My doctor told me 3 weeks ago he thought I had herpes. Today i found out for sure....I am positive. I have had the same partner for 3 years. I was devastated. How could this happen? Where did it come from? Who did he cheat with? and when? He swears there has been no one else since we have been together and he has never had an outbreak. All I know is I havent been with anyone else. I have spent the whole evening researching. If my research is correct, either of us could have been carrying it for quite a while? I suppose I should be a bit more concerned about taking care of myself but my head is spinning. I am overwhelmed. I guess I would just appreciate anyone who could help me to understand and figure out where to go from here. :confused:
Thankyou,
Kadi

Answer:
Hey there Confused Basket Case

I felt a bit fruity loop (or kelloggs fruit n fibre, which ever one you prefer) when I was first diagnosed.

3 weeks is a VERY short amount of time. I'm not surprised your head is all pver the shop, and you are very anxious.

Well done for doing your research. You are absolutely right. One of you could of had it for years without knowing, and something has triggered it. Another possibility is that your partner could of had a coldsore and passed it on that way? Either way, you will never know.

I know this wil be hard for you to get your head around, but at the end of the day, it is only a coldsore. :cool:

Keep a diary of your obs (if you get another one, that is). It will help you keep track of any triggers, and help you adjust your lifestyle/ diet to match.

Hope this info is useful- if you need a chat you know where I am :)

Answer:
Hi Kadi,

I was diagnosed a few weeks ago also. My boyfriend is negative. My relationship prior to him was 6 faithful years with the same man. Before that I was married to a man for 10 years. He cheated. I am suspecting that I got it from him 7 years ago. It lay dormant until I had an IUD implanted, which I think triggered my first outbreak. That is 7 years between being exposed and having my first outbreak. So your diagnosis does not mean that either one of you cheated.

Isn't it funny how educated you become in a short amount of time? I accused my current boyfriend, because I thought herpes showed up immediately. Man, did I have to do some serious apologizing when his test came back negative!!

I finally broke down and two close friends of mine that I have the virus. One of my friends reaction was not at all what I suspected it would be. She said, "Yeah, so?" Apparently she has had it for 20 years. I never knew. It was so nice to talk to someone who has been living with this. She has been married for 15 years, has a bunch of kids. Her husband is still negative. She explained to me that she is careful during an outbreak~~I guess we will learn in time what the 'tingle' feels like so we can avoid sex. She said that it is just like when someone gets a cold sore. You just don't kiss them during that time, but you don't have to end a relationship because of it. To her, it is just a fact of life that is really no big deal. To me it is a very big deal, but hearing her talk about it eased some of my anxiety.

The other friend doesn't have it, but is well informed about it. She had the same reaction. She said that I am still the same person that I always was and that while the initial reaction is devastation, it doesn't have to be.

It really helped me to talk about it with two people I trust to keep my dirty little secret. Is there someone in your life who you can talk to? You may be surprised like I was to find out that someone very close to you has been living with it.