Question:
I've heard that 1 in 5 have herpes.....and 1 in 4 women have it. The statistics make me feel a little bit better--like I'm not alone--although, if this is so common, how come I haven't dated a guy who has it? Everytime I start seeing a new person and have to tell him, it's difficult b/c none of the guys either A) have herpes or B) have met a girl with it.

I'm just starting to wonder.....if it's REALLY that common, why haven't I come across it before in my dating life, and why is there still such a stigma about it?

Sorry, just needed to vent.

Answer:
You have to remember the majority of people who have it don't know they have it. They either have slight symptoms that have been overlooked or don't get symptoms at all, and therefore have no idea they have it. Also, when your friends or boyfriends get a "Complete std workup" they're not tested for HSV, so again they THINK they're "clean" but they might not be. Unfortunately (or fortunately), we happen to know our status, whereas lots of people are still in the dark.

Answer:
Thats a very good point. When I found out I had it I was told that I could have had it for months and never knew. All though I had been previously tested after a rape from a party. Sadly, I didn't learn my lesson the first time about being drunk with people I didn't know, hence how I got it. I haven't dated anyone who has it, but my best friend and ex dated something before I knew him who had it. And I found a postivesingles.com, a dating site where I've met a few people in the area with the same thing. Mainly just turning into new friends, but it's nice to have friends who can relate.

as alone as you feel, your really not alone. You have all of us who will admit it, and then think of how many people out there aren't strong enough to admit they have it? Kinda like If I pretend it's not real, it must not be.

Answer:
Kinda like If I pretend it's not real, it must not be. I can't tell you how long I tried that one. In the end, it didn't work. And I can't imagine how many other people out there are doing the same thing or just plain don't know they have HSV.

After I told my boyfriend, a whole host of friends came around and told me about their stories with HSV, either having it themselves or dealing with lovers who'd shared their positive status.

SG - If I had never been diagnosed with the initial ob (which in hindsight was not really that bad all things considered) I would have NO clue about my positive status. And catiesmom is right. When people get tested they think they're getting tested for everything but they aren't.

Answer:
While the vast majority of people with a herpes infection do not know it, there are also some who do know it, but don't tell their partners.

I was surprised, after I got my first cold sore, to find out how many people in my life have oral or genital herpes.

Claudia