Question:
I was diagnosed 2 1/2 weeks ago with HSV2...just the feeling in my fingers from typing those letters in that order makes my eyes well with tears...and I haven't really talked much about it except for constant silent character bashing that the irrational part of my brain insists on inflicting on me day and night. I know I'm not a bad person, but I sure as hell feel like I let myself down this time.

I started dating Gary 2 months ago and he moved in 1 month ago (he needed a place to stay until the spring and was considering staying longer than that -- things were going really well up until 2 1/2 weeks ago). He was very open and honest about his very promiscuous past, so I had him take an HIV test which came back negative and he even showed me the results on paper (although there goes the irrational part of my brain again, trying to convince me that maybe he typed up the results himself...). He told me about other STDs he had overcome and I never thought to ask him about Herpes. Afterall, if he had HSV, he'd have to have seen it and known...oh how wrong I was...So, foolishly and so out of character (I wouldn't have sex with my previous ex who I dated for 4+ years without a condom) I allowed myself to have unprotected sex with him. That's what I'm beating myself up about most...how could I, after years and years of being so safe, let myself become so vulnerable to someone so risky so fast? When I told him that I found a sore, he was as shocked as I was since he never had an outbreak, but we figure he had it first given his past.

And now here we are living together and me crying every day, moping around, sleeping way too much. 2 nights ago he finally got me talking about why I was so glum and somehow (I have to blame it on the irrational part of my brain taking control of my vocal cords) the conversation ended up that I need "me time" and maybe he should move out....but I don't want him to move out and what did I mean by "me time"? Do I really think that by pushing him away (I've already alienated myself from my friends, co-workers, and family since the diagnosis) will make me feel better? He was all about being supportive through this time and going through it together... now I feel that I've screwed up the only support I had. I tried to convince him that I just don't know what I want because I'm so confused and scared and my brain isn't thinking straight, but he thinks that because I don't know what I want, that I actually do know what I want and that's for him to move out...I just want to forgive myself and be the happy fun loving person I was 3 weeks ago.

Answer:
It is completely understandable that you are in a mental state of shock and for your emotions and thoughts to be all over the place.

If you think you made a rash decision in your conversation you should try to re-visit the conversation with him and explain that right now you're confused and you haven't come to a conclusion about what you want and that you were thinking out loud about your options and could he please try to bear with you until you have yourself on solid ground and at that time you'll be better able to tell him what you want.

Ask him if there has ever been a time he was confused and misspoke and would he be understanding if you let him tell you what you want without reading rejection into it. Sometimes people push the rejection button pretty hard when they have feelings of their own they are having difficulty with. He may need you to insist harder if you really feel strongly about him staying for the time being.

You have a really tough situation to deal with there. He maybe doesn't understand how you are feeling because he hasn't had an ob.

Just my thoughts.