Question:
Hi

I'm a 34 year old single mother. I thought meeting someone was hard before. It doesn't even compare.
I was set up by a friend, with probably the most intelligent, well off, well put together guy I'd ever met. He had it. He never told me. Now I have it. What kind of a person does THAT?!
Anyways. That was in June. I've not been on a date since. Not a day has gone by when it has not crossed my mind. Not a night has gone by where it wasn't the last thing I thought of before I fell asleep.
I keep thinking about what I wouldn't give to get this out of body. I feel disgusting. I WANT IT OUT OF MY BODY!!!!!!
So often I hear people making comment about herpes. "disgusting! gross! yuck! could you IMAGINE?!" and I feel so sad, because I CAN imagine. What I can't imagine, is anyone wanting to get in to a relationship with me now. How do you ever tell someone you have this?! Who would be okay with it, if they didn't have it themselves?
HOW MANY MORE MONTHS WILL GO BY BEFORE I HAVE A DAY WHERE I DON'T FEEL DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF??!!!!

Answer:
:cry: I really hope someone replies soon. This is making me feel worse!

Answer:
Hey!!! :D

I just thought... you should talk to Lasmom. <smile>
She will probably come tomorrow...

Read her posts. They will give you very positive insights and hope. And you'll see, how things started working out for her as she appreciated what she had and tried to be a good mother to her daughter (and she IS a wonderful mother).

You're right. You can't get rid of this virus from your body. You can't control herpes. So stop wishing. That'll hurt you emotionally.
But you can get rid of anger, you can get rid of prejudice toward yourself. You have access to control your mind.
And when those things are gone, I -know- you'll feel fine. After all, what's bothering you the most is your mind. If you change yourself, your life will change.

I'm telling you this from my own experience.

Please hang in.

Best wishes..


Faith

Answer:
Hmmm.

Well I was infected with the virus last March-didn't know until October. I'm 24 and don't have any kids. Any time that I say that I won't meet anyone..........my mom and sister both tell me to shut up. They tell me this because they themselves don't see it as a big deal. They don't see it as a big deal because they don't see it as a barrier or a stop sign for anyone. They both know me for who I am, they love me for who I am. Of course, I won't be intimate with either of them but I believe it when they say this stuff to me.

My sister is my best friend. She has never lied to me. She's very blunt and very honest with me. She has a serious boyfriend that she's been dating for 10 years... She said that if her boyfriend were to have it that she wouldn't care because she loves him no matter what. She tells me that I will find someone very special because of this. And I believe it. Now, if I don't like someone after a couple of weeks- why keep them around? I won't. I will really have to care about someone before telling them. And that is one very good thing about it. I will have to know them so well before ever sleeping with them. And if by the time it comes to that they don't want to be with me-then they weren't worth spending the rest of my life with anyway.

This board has made me feel a lot better about myself. It's made me feel like a normal person again. Try and check it out daily. Faith makes everyone feel good about themselves. I don't think about it as often as I use to. I still think about it everyday....but thank god not as often. At the beginning everything I thought about revolved around it.

It could be so much worse. It made me put the important things in life into perspective. It has made me laugh much harder at the funny things in life.

It's not really gross at all. I know so many people don't think of it as a minor skin irritation-but I do.......and if you've read any of my posts- I have constant pain. I'm in constant pain and I'm saying it could be so much worse. :) I never thought I would say that.

Those people who make comments about it like that are just uneducated about what HSV actually is. I'm sorry that you have to hear those comments. That shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself though, it should make you feel bad that they are uneducated about it- they could have it and not even know. Or they could have it and to make themselves feel better joke about it with their friends. I'm sure my friends and I made some comments in our younger days. But since learning from me, my friends won't ever make "that's disgusting" or thats gross comments ever again. They don't think it's gross anymore. I don't think it's gross anymore. It actually is much different than I though it was to tell you the truth.

Well if you ever need anyone to talk to- I'm here.

Lovely

Answer:
What I can't imagine, is anyone wanting to get in to a relationship with me now .

Why? Do you think all you have to offer is sex????

You have WAAAAAAAY more to offer to a partner then sex. In addition.. EVEN if ALL you had to offer was sex, you would STILL have value.

You can still have an almost completely normal sex life even with HSV.

I don't have a ton of time to tell you everything I want to in response to your message, but I will say that the best starting point is yourself.

the best way tol improve your life and your emotional state is from the inside out.

When you convince yourself that you still have value, GREAT value in a relationship, you will feel better. The only way to do this is to learn more about love, and experience love.

How do you ever tell someone you have this Its a piece of cake... You just say it. You aren't responsible for their reaction, just being honest. All you have to do is be honest. Whatever else happens IS the best outcome possible. If you are honest, you get teh best outcome. Might not be the one you think you need, but looking back, all the things that being honest bring to your life are the best that could be. The things that being dishonest or less then truthful bring to your life are the fake/unfounded/unreliable things...

Who would be okay with it, if they didn't have it themselves? Everyone that loves you will be OK with it. Everyone that you share love with will be OK with it. Everyone that you are honest with will be OK with it.

HOW MANY MORE MONTHS WILL GO BY BEFORE I HAVE A DAY WHERE I DON'T FEEL DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF??!!!! When you decide you've had enough, you'll take the steps neccessary to feel better.

Everything you are feelings is what you need to feel because it prepares you for doing what you will come to find you need to do.

Accept what you feel. One day, you will decide that how you feel is not good enough anymore and you will clean your emotional house and start over.

That starting point is love.

You are wondering about relationships and who will accept you, and all these things... You need to go back and empty everything you have thought about relationships and start from the bottom. Building a foundation of love to work with.

fhl,

nik