Question:
My name is Lindsay, I am 19 years old, and was diagnosed with genital herpes about a month ago. I am going through some rough times lately, and i feel very confused. I am angry with the guy who gave me this, mainly because i guesss--I'm holding him responsible. When in reality, we are both at fault. Neither of us knew that herpes can be contracted to genitals through oral sex (when he had a cold sore). So... technically you could say we were both at fault? But now I am left with this for life. And his genital herpes test came back negative. I get an STD and he gets cold sores. It feels so unfair, like I have been cheated! I don't know how to act towards him, but i feel angry most of the time. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?? Please help

Answer:
Nothing that a person feels is 'wrong'.... Everything you feel is understandable...

As humans, we do the best we can with the knowledge and feelings, and emotions that we have at any given moment.

You are where you are right now... And that's OK. Just relax, and accept what you feel...

BUT your personal growth depends on getting to a point where you recognize your OWN accountability.

This is your situation. You brought it on yourself. You won't get to a better place until you take responsibility and acknowledge to yourself that YOU got you where you are right now...

As far as genital herpes. The first month/couple months is the worst.. Its gets WAY WAY WAY easier physically and emotionally!!!

Hang in there... Again... accept what you feel. Don't beat yourself up for feeling what you feel, but DO try to move yourself to a realization that this is about YOU, not someone else. THAT will move your forward!

fhl,

nik

Answer:
Hang in there... Again... accept what you feel. Yup Nik's right, Lindsay.

Accept your feeling, then accept all that happened. That'll give you peace of mind, then just naturally you can forgive him, and forgive yourself.....

Besides, neither of you knew about herpes well. Not many people know about it, either.
Nothing is your fault. Nor his.... You guys didn't do anything wrong. <smile>

Best wishes.

Faith

Answer:
:( Hi, I'm kind of in your exact situation right now...Just 2 weeks before, we did exactly the same thing as you guys...I never even knew what a coldsore was untill now...I don't recall having it before in my entire life...by the way, I'm 19 years old too...and I might have given it to my boyfriend whom I really care about as genital herpes...this really terrified me...but then I went to the health clinic and the doctors there were really helpful on this subject, I was informed that this comes out quite fast like within a week or two, but there's nothing wrong with either of us yet, so I'm still hoping that we got lucky this time...right now, I would really like everyone to know about this disease and how easily it could be transmitted from person to person...there should definately have been more warnings about this...I understand exactly how you feel and I'm afraid that my boyfriend is mad at me also...but the reason why this happend is because of lack of knowledge, that's why everyone should be perfectly informed of all this kind of things definately...
by the way, I also wanted to ask you, how long after the oral sex did you have symptoms? would you please reply to my question? it would be of great help...

Answer:
Thank you for your reply. Iknow that we share the same difficulteis. My advice to you is to have your boy go and get checked out ASAP. A simple blood test will tell if he has contracted the virus or not. Please don't wait until the first outbreak.
To answer your question: I had an outbreak, probably, within a few days to a week after oral sex. Now I am dealing with genital herpes for life. But, every person is defferent. Who's to say that he has it or not. But, if he does, he could have an outbreak tomorrow or four months from now. That is why I suggest medical testing. There is no need to worry--you guys don't have the facts. Please write back, I will be here for you---Linz