Question:
hello-
i had a sexual encounter (but no sex)...just lots of oral sex and touching and rubbing and what not 5 days ago. The day after, the skin on the outside of my vagina was kind of inflamed and sore, I assumed it was just from too much oral sex or irritation. but then 2 days ago, i noticed a small open sore on my labia area, and in the last 36 hours it has gotten incredibly sore and inflamed all over that area, mostly on the left side. i have an appointment to have it checked out tomorrow morning but i'm pretty sure they're going to say its herpes...i woke up this morning feeling feverish and lightheaded and a bit achey. what do you think?

also...how will this effect my future sex life? i have had multiple partners, mostly safe, but don't want to have to give that aspect of sex up. any help would be appreciated. thanks.

Answer:
I'm new to the virus myself, but based on my limited research so far I don't think HSV inhibits you from having a sex life, but instead will simply alter it.. which I guess in some way is a good thing since now you will be more careful about your health and you will learn to focus more on making a connection with someone and integrate that into your physical relationship. You may just learn what it means to love someone deeply (not saying that you already don't.. but just trying to put a positive spin on things)..
To sum all that up though, no your world isn't over.

Answer:
...i woke up this morning feeling feverish and lightheaded and a bit achey. what do you think? Yeah, based on your symptoms... it seems pretty consistent with HSV.

also...how will this effect my future sex life? i have had multiple partners, mostly safe, but don't want to have to give that aspect of sex up. any help would be appreciated. thanks. Well... You won't HAVE to give up anything. Your sex organs will still function as well as they ever have. :wink:

I suspect and hope that you CHOOSE to give up casual sex and focus on relationships.... Which CAN still include sex.

All in all, if you still want to have casual sex... be honest... tell prospective partners... Discuss the risks with them. BE HONEST. You don't need to give them the doom and gloom, but you shouldn't candy-coat it to much either. Be honest that EVEN with a condom, there is still a risk. (slight, but still a risk) DON'T have any sex during an outbreak at all. When you aren't having an outbreak, its adviseable to use a condom.

In a relationship, same thing... 1st BE HONEST. Give them all the information. Discuss risks TOGETHER... Discuss protection TOGETHER. decide between you and your partner what level of risk is 'ok' with you. NO SEX during outbreaks... and when you aren't having an outbreak, do whatever you agree on with your partner.. wether that's using a condom, not using a condom, mutual mastrubation... whatever. Just as long as you are both aware that there IS still a slight risk...

Answer:
Its me again...the original poster.
I went to the clinic today and they said that I do indeed have what looks like genital herpes. Shit. Based on the internet research I've done and talking to a close friend about it, I thought that that was probably what I had. Now I have to call my partner and tell him what's going on... I probably got it from him, considering that we had just hooked up a couple of days prior to this all happening... What are the chances that this could be from a former unprotected partner (which would have been over 6 months ago), and it is just flaring up now? It seems like the chance would be slim but still a possibility... I am new to this virus (thank god), so any information would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for your support.
-j

Answer:
MOST likely you got it from your recent 'hook up'

Its possible you could have had it for a while, but UNLIKELY.

The time frame... Its most likely from your recent partner.

Answer:
Kind of reminds me of my situation. I got what I considered my first outbreak after a fairly active night with my new boyfriend. The best theory I could come up with at the time was that I must have gotten it from him (he has never developed genital HSV but did have a history of active cold sores - I figured he must have been shedding or something). Anyway, a few months later I ran across a guy I had been with for a few months about 6 months prior to that outbreak. He had a big coldsore on his lip!!! Then I rememebered that midway through our little affair I had to go to the doctor for what felt like (and was treated as) a bladder infection. I now wonder if I didn't contract it from him and THAT suspicious symptom was my first outbreak. Point is, you can probably never know. I don't think I will.

Though I'm not proud to say this, in case it correlates with your situation, I should mention that my new boyfriend and I were partying pretty hard that night. It would follow that the drugs could have caused my system to succumb to the virus that had lain dormant, and lend credibility to theory #2, that I contracted it from the guy 6 months prior.

Answer:
Ok...so this is day #4 of the breakout...i woke up in extreme pain this morning and it hurts to change positions (standing to sitting, standing up, etc.). Definitely not the best thing to wake up to in the morning... is this normal? The doctor that I saw yesterday put me on Valtrex...it's supposed to remedy the condition within 5 days. Does anyone have experience with this drug? (I'm guessing someone must...).

Anyways...I had to call and tell my partner yesterday about the situation. He was shocked...but said he was actually having some genital discomfort as well. He didn't have a clue that he might have been a carrier, and I had no idea that it could have been me either. It just scares me shitless that we don't know who gave it to who...and I really don't want to lay any blame...at all...he's such a dear person to me and I don't want to ruin that. Any suggestions on how to deal with THAT aspect of it?

Thank you all for being so helpful,
J

Answer:
He didn't have a clue that he might have been a carrier, and I had no idea that it could have been me either. It just scares me shitless that we don't know who gave it to who...and I really don't want to lay any blame...at all...he's such a dear person to me and I don't want to ruin that. Any suggestions on how to deal with THAT aspect of it? Herpes is very tricky.
Many people don't know where and how they got it.
But after all, that's not the important part of having herpes at all. The important thing, is to care about each other, and to realize that herpes doesn't ruin your life, it rather enrich your life.

Don't let herpes use you to ruin your important things.
Use herpes to make your life wonderful. <smile>

Best wishes..

Faith

Answer:
He was shocked...but said he was actually having some genital discomfort as well. He didn't have a clue that he might have been a carrier, and I had no idea that it could have been me either. It just scares me shitless that we don't know who gave it to who...and I really don't want to lay any blame...at all...he's such a dear person to me and I don't want to ruin that. Any suggestions on how to deal with THAT aspect of it? I would just echo what faith said... There's no way to know for sure, and it really doesn't matter who gave it to who... If he is such a dear person, just move on. Stay focused on YOUR relationship.