Question:
Hello
Thanks for this great website. I just found it. I have lived with GH for 2 decades. I married the man who gave it to me......subconsciously I think I was afraid of being "damaged goods". It has taken me this long to sort this all out. You see, there was no help or support for us back then.
Now....I am struggling with holding so much regret and bitterness inside that I'm not sure I can save this marriage. We have 2 children and I stay in this relationship so as not to destroy their beautiful lives.

Anyone else find themselves in this situation? Any advice?

I find comfort in simply reading all the postings.
Namaste

Sue

Answer:
Dear Sue,

It sounds to me like you have a lot of hurt that you did not deal with two decades ago, and now that hurt has manifested itself into your very soul. You need to take some time to deal with yourself and sort out your feelings. If it angers you that you contracted the disease, and you have never expressed your feelings to your mate, then do so, once you have rationalized all of your emotions into words.

You cannot regret all the days of your life for each day was planned by The Most High before there was the first day in the beginning. Acknlwledge the hurt and find a way to move past the hurt, and deal with the self, so that you bring a whole you back into your union. And do not consider yourself damaged. You are a woman with a disease. If it were diabetes, would you feel less "damaged?" Know your worth and value it.

If the marriage is not working for other reasons, and dealing with your disease will somehow help you deal with the other issues at hand - then good. Cleanse yourself spiricually so that you can grow and move your life in a more positive direction.

Good luck!

Answer:
Sue,

I feel your pain. Did your husband know and not tell you? That is what happened to me ten years ago. I even asked him before we were intimate if there was anything I should know. He lied. I was young and stupid and married him even though I did not have feelings for him. I stay also only for our son. Lately, I have been having anxiety attacks because I feel like I have lost my spirit. I have given up any chance of finding love. So sad.

Di

Answer:
Yes....I have been trying to find a way to get past the hurt for many years now. We were engaged when this cropped up into our lives. He had the virus expressed at mouth and nose since childhood. He probably never really understood it himself....he is like that. He is never proactive or takes the initiative. The overall problem is that he is a rather irresponsible person with so many other things. He really is like a big child to live with. So you're right....it might not be the herpes but a larger issue.

My self-worth was quite low when I got married. I have come a long way in that department....several years of counseling and soul searching. My chosen field of work is also to help people towards wholeness. So at some level I think I am working on the advice kjm offered.

My fear is I stay in the marriage because "no one else will have me" ....being damaged goods and all. I also stay because I feel divorce causes more pain than it's worth and I feel a debt to society to not dump that on my kids. So I put my energies towards their lives.

Perhaps I hold onto this "herpes" thing to keep him at a distance. Maybe if he would say he was sorry (he never has), it could help.

Anyway, I thank you both for your caring responses. I do feel this burden lightening inside by simply (finally) addressing this monster.

Peace and harmony
Sue

Answer:
Sue and Diana,

Ladies you both sadden me a little. Life is so short and so precious you cannot sit back and wait for permission to have the kind of life that you want for yourself.

This is a piece from my favorite quote in life by Nelson Mandella:

Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us... as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

It seems to me you both are afraid that despite your condition, someone other than your infected husbands may actually find you smart, funny, beautiful and desireable. Then what... you would have to actually believe that you are all of these things too, and guess what you are.

I think you may get my point, and however you may move from this point, I wish you strength and luck on your journey.

KJM

Answer:
Hey k
Your positive message helped me feel less sad today about it. That is a great motto to approach each day by.
Thanks
Sue