Question:
I am really down and have no one I trust to talk about this. Here is my story: during a routine gynecolgical exam where everything looked completely normal and healthy, the dr. says, "Oh, it looks like you are having a herpes outbreak here..." I nearly jumped off the table. It took my husband and I nearly a year to conceive our little girl and as a result, we had done a ton of fertility testing and exams. I must have been prodded and poked and probed down there a 1000 times. Both my husband and I had been tested for every disease thinkable as part of our fertility work-up, never ever once were we told that we had anything. I asked my OB/GYN how this could be and she said that sometimes herpes can remain dormant for years without ever producing a sore. When she touched the sore, it didn't hurt one bit, which my OBGYN said was odd because herpes usually is so painful you are jumping at the touch of it. Not me, I felt nothing. So, she said it may not be herpes but that she doubted it was anything else so she took a culture to be sure, and said that even the culture would not be evidence enough, that I would have to have a blood test. So, I am now waiting. The thing of it is, the dr. showed me the sore with a mirror and it looks just like a papercut. I thought herpes was more like blisters but she said it could look like what I have too.

I told my husband in tears and he was very supportive. I feel like my life is over. I just know it's "just" herpes but I now wonder how we can ever have a normal sex life? I know so little about ths disease and the more I read, the more scared I become. I just want to die. I have never been promiscuous, and have had just 3 partners in my entire life, all serious relationships. I do realize that even that is enough to contract anything at all, but I still feel so cheated, like my innocence was taken away from me.


I don't actually know what I am seeking here, it's not as though anyone can help me. I just feel like dying. I am so embarrassed.

Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Z

Answer:
HI Z,

I think we are all in the same boat, except some of us are sitting in a different section. I really which I could say something helpful.... I have it and didn't know anything about herpes; I still can't say it out loud. An ex-boyfriend gave it to me. He said he could not cum with a condom and actually had a sore on his penis when we last had sex. When I pointed it out he simply said it was a beauty mark. This was 3 years ago and I have not been able to get the guts up to have a relationship because of it.

3 things....

1. You do not have HIV
2. You are in a relationship where your husband is supportive
3. You didn't feel the horrid pain that comes with the first outburst.

If I were you though, I would ask to have the Western Blot test. I have not done it yet, but on all the research on it, it seems to be the best test.

All the best, and for me information is everything,
Peaches

Answer:
I felt like the same as you do. I have only been with 3 woman my hole life and I have no idea where I got it from. I saw some bumbs on the back of my leg that would come in the summer and go away about a week later. I didn't know much about herpes, but I thought because I never saw anything on my penis it was some sort of heat rash. About a year after I got married to my wife I was in the doctors office for a cold and I showed her the bumbs she took a swab of it and called me a week later. Turned out to be herpes. Then we had my wife tested, and she has it also. I knew I had the thing on the back of my leg before I met her I was just so sad I gave it to her and I had it also. We didn't think much of it after that because we both had it now. This was 2 years ago we split up for other reasons, and I just met someone I really care about and everything was really going good, but she was wondering why I was stopping when we got to the sex part. I had to tell her about the herpes it was really hard, but I did. She thought about it, and it turned out okay. We are tryng to be as careful as we can, but she has told me that if she gets it she will be okay with it. I know that she really loves me, and its not as bad as people might think it is. The shame is why this thing gets spread around people don't want to know, and don't want to tell others they have it. If this is really effecting your life you should see a counsler.