Question:
Well, I am a 24 year old male. I just got back from taking my girlfriend to the doctor, for what we thought was just a uniary tract infection. Turned out to not be so. She had a herpes outbreak. Her first. We've been together for over a year, and have had unprotected sex. Before her, I had sex only once, and it was protected. She was sexually active before me, but had regular checkups and tests with the doctors clinic and planned parenthood, which all turned out to be clean. So after being together and having unprotected sex for over a year, it just now shows up, and only in her. I'm not sure what that means. Of course many things run through my mind. Was it just dormant as the doctor suggest it may be. Or could she have cheated on me? I don't want to think this, but also doubt it. I feel I have gotten to know her pretty well and don't think at all that this is something she would do. We spend a lot of time together so it doesn't leave a lot of time for her to be around anyone else. So I surely don't want to go accusing her of anything.

We are not sure where this came from. Though I never had unprotected intercourse before her, I did fool around with some girls, which included oral.

It is a shock to me, but I don't find myself upset or mad at her, though I was a bit mad at very first, but that has subsided, and I reassured her it was ok.

Here's the dilema I have. I am new, so I don't know too much about herpes. My girlfriend was pretty upset about it, and I know she feels extremely guilty. ... I thought about it, and seemed to quickly come to the conclusion that this won't affect our relationship. I am not worried about that, and I plan to have a more in depth conversation with her about this, probably tomorrow. It doesn't affect the way I feel about her, and won't affect our relationship negatively. Though, the only thing I do worry about, is if our relationship were not to work out for other reasons, and we went our own way. My dilema is, I am wondering how hard it would be for me to meet someone else. How would my sex life be? And the moral question,.. am I obligated to tell a sexual partner I am infected, if I wear a condom? I would obviously tell them if I wasn't wearing a condom, but is there any reason to tell, and possibly turn them off, even if I am wearing a condom?

Again, we know she is infected, but am not sure if I am. Like I said we don't know where it came from, and that is really in the past. I may not even be infected, and wouldn't know how to tell, as I have never really had any pain, or outbreak I guess you could say. Nothing that would warrent me going to the doctor's office. I had a blood test done over a year ago (before I met her), and it came back positive for herpes, but my doctor said that 90% of people will turn out positive, only because most people at some point in there lives have had cold sores, etc.., and that the only real way to tell was to do a biopsy on a sore.

Anyhow, just looking for advice, support, etc.. I am scared. Not sure what to do. Not sure how to feel. Thanks in advance everyone.

Answer:
Hi psrgn, welcome.
you're girlfriend is really going to need your support right now. This can be very hard news to take, and the stress of it can make the outbreaks worse initially. the virus CAN be dormant for a long time, chances are your girlfriend DIDN'T cheat on you. it's even a possibility that you gave it to her, something like 2/3 of the people who have Herpes have no symptoms or clue that they have the virus, but are still capable of transmitting it. At this point, it really doesn't matter who gave it to who, etc.... when you start thinking about that it can just drive you crazy not to mention drive a huge wedge in between you and your gf. The good news is, if you previously had tested positive, you already have some antibodies and are that much more protected, maybe you'll never have an outbreak.
to address your question about telling a partner even if you use a condom... Herpes isn't like other STD's in that it isn't spread by transmition of bodily fluids. It's spread by infected skin - to open skin contact. so a condom doesn't really protect against it as much as you might think. It can reduce chances, but what it comes down to is whether you use a condom or not, you need to tell your partners.
I know this is a difficult and confusing time for you and your gf. try to be there for each other, and good luck.

Answer:
Thanks for the reply. Really needed that. I will definitly be there for my G/F.

I thought about the moral question more so, and though that if I knew I was infected, I would tell the person anyway, condom or not., and now knowing more about it, I definitely would. I guess the dilema now is, that I really don't know if I have it.

She has had unprotected sex with several guys before me, and there is one time I can recall that I may have come in contact with it. I was not a very sexually active person before her. I had sex once, with a condom with a girl., but before that, I was fooling around with a girl (we were a both a bit intoxicated) and intercourse almost took place, but we stopped because we knew it was a bad idea,.. no condom. But there was contact.. brielfly. Then, come to find out., a month or so later, this girl told me she was infected. We fooled around, oral, .. and that brief contact. I guess I was under the impression that it would take intercourse to infect, which doesn't sound like the case. So it could have been me. Could have been my G/F., but I guess like you said it doesn't matter right now. I've never had any outbreak, or any reason to take myself to the doctor., and my understanding of it now is there has to be an outbreak in order to spread it.

I guess now that it might be a part of my life. I should start researching. I guess if I don't know i'm infected, protected sex with my g/f from now is probably the way to go.

Answer:
my understanding of it now is there has to be an outbreak in order to spread it. Not true. there's such a thing called asymptomatic shedding. the virus can be shedding without any outbreaks, or any symptoms whatsoever. (that's why there's such a large number of people out there that don't even know they have it and they're helping to spread it.) Try doing a search on this site for "shedding" and you'll find more about it.

and the virus can be transmitted through oral sex, not just intercourse. infected skin-to-open skin contact. so this means, if you gave oral to someone with Herpes, you could have been infected with the virus in your mouth. you then give oral to someone new, and... see where I'm going with this?.... they could be infected genitally. I'm not saying this is what happened in your case, as there is no way to know. I just think you need to know this CAN happen.

Answer:
cindylou is right, viral shedding is probably how most people get it, whether it be because they had sex with someone who was just days away from on OB or perhaps one of those sleeper types that have no symptoms at all. Your girlfriend's OB could in fact be Genital HSV-1. I'd definitely try and find out which one it is. I have read that HSV-1 in the genial area is less likely to return and is less painful, but that is just stuff I read on the internet. A lot of times people want to classify HSV by the location ie around the mouth HSV-1 and around the groin HSV-2. That is not the case at all. You can get either anywhere on your body. HSV-1 and HSV-2 are practically identical, sharing very similar DNA. They just need to survive the trip into your body and setup residence in a nerve and they are there forever, only to pop up from time to time and say Hi.

I seriously doubt she cheated on you, and seeing that you yourself have HSV-1 it is nothing new to you. The anti-bodies are already there, but you can re-infect a new part of your body by exposing yourself to an active herpes infection. So don?t go thinking just because you have antibodies you can ignore a cold sore. You still have to avoid contact with the cold sore until it has healed. Tell your girlfriend she needs to wash her hands if she touches near the sore to avoid re-infecting herself. You should be there for her; she needs you now more than ever I am sure because she is just as scared as you.

To answer your question on telling, I don't know. My situation right now is that I think I might have it, but I am waiting for it to happen again so I can get a visual conformation from a Dermatologist. Tonight I met up with an old girlfriend and had things gone in a different direction other than dinner, I would have had to make a choice. I would have come clean before I ever kissed her, but that's me. But it seems when it comes to HSV-1 some people don?t tell, they just don't kiss when they have a cold sore.