Question:
Odd that I find myself on this message board posting at 3:30am but I figured it would be more useful then just crying in bed.
I am a 21 year old female student in school for Psychology and Drama in education. I became sexually active last september and prior to any intimacy I made my partner get tested. Always the cautious one I am....and always one to regard intimacy in the highest of respects. Alas I remained ignorant. My partner sufferred from cold sores. Only occasionally and it had never really phased me as something that could be potentially hazardous. Well...it was. I had my first outbreak in the sept / 04 and immediatly went to a doctor as I knew it was something I had never experienced before. I prayed that I would be fine...afterall I have always been so cautious...so safe....but I wasn't spared.
At first my initial reaction was "Just deal"....which at the time meant not thinking much about it or allowing myself the ability to cry and grieve and feel anger and then cope.
Then it was the tears....not so much self-pity but disbelief. I couldn't reason the lesson in me having to deal with this virus....I didn't see how purpose was going to previal.
Then it was anger...and it still is. Absolute rage at me being targeted with this when I have so many friends, bless them, that have been so reckless and yet unphased by anything serious.
Sometimes I think my absolute rage should be enough to tear this thing out of me. I hurt enough to be cured.
I have been dealing with..disconnectedness from my body.....kicked out..betrayed. Hopeless. Despair at having to one day share this information with someone I care about who could potentially see it as "too risky". A damaged product. The ignorance around it..the stigma is carries with it....the whole truth echoing in my ears of "no cure". I didn't do anything wrong....I feel seperated from everyone now....I am an open person...I've confided in many people with what I have been delaing with and yet I still feel utterly alone. My ex partner who transmitted it to me orally doesn't have genital herpes.....just me.
I've only had one bad outbreak in the past 3 months and that was the inital one. I have seen a naturalpathic doctor and am taking Lysine which seems to be working well enough...
I'm not sure what I want....I think what I need is to deal with this..head on...for as long as it takes....but I have to admit...I'm scared.
One partner....safety precautions....and now this.
I know this sounds scattered. I'm sorry.....it's just really hard for me right now. I'd appreciate any insights...

Leah

Answer:
Leah. Hang in there girl. It can be quite frustrating, but you're doing all the right things. Stay focused on it and you'll become an ever better person in spite of having herpes. I never knew so much as I know now, because I live with it each day. I have gained so much more self respect, knowing that I am much more than herpes and I REFUSE to let the social stigma bring me down. So many of us, thought "it'll never happen to me", because we felt that we were being so careful, etc etc, but ya know.....things happen and like you said, you just gotta suck it up and move forward. Educate others and don't let others bring you down. You sound like an awesome person. Have you looked for any social or support groups in your area where you live? Check out http://www.yoshi2me.com for lots of herpes stories and tons and tons of awesome information. Good luck to you and feel free to email me.

Luanne (Buffalo H Friends)

Answer:
Enlightened

You sound just like me. im 24 going on 25...I had a partner for 3 years and was soooooo careful even with him!!! (it could have been from him for all i know) and then the new partner after my x.....and BOOM I have herpes. After I fell in love with my 3 year x I trusted too easily. I think growing up, the Big thing was to watch out and not get pregnant...and then the media would jump to DONT GET AIDS.....well somewhere in between somewhere they forgot about pushing HERPES and making that something to become aware of. Because I now know way too well that its VERY possible. So amongst me being sooooo careful about gettting pregnant and not getting aids...i messed up and now i have herpes. It sucks doesn't it. I know i found myself on this site last night at 3:00am in the morn.

The actual reason why I went on this site or even thought about finding one of these is because....(listen to this!!!) I was at my friend's house and his roomate was there. We were all hanging out and watching some tube. A herpes commercial for valtrex came on. My friend's roomate says..."wow they make it look like that woman's life with herpes is soo great...he says shit we should all get infested and then our lives will be amazing like hers"....HE WAS laughing hysterically and my friend was like ya no kidding...and there i was just like...."he he ya:(" And that's not it!!! he proceeded to say, " GEE i wonder how people with herpes even date, who would want to be with someone with that...they must have herpes dating groups or something!!!" OH MY GOD I was soo upset in side, sooo upset i just stayed quiet and just smerked.

What he said circles in my mind over and over again everyday. Well at least he made me think actually last night....a light bulb went on in my brain. I said ya maybe there is a place like that!!! So i was searching on line and bumbed into this wonderful awesome site!!! Not dating ...but who needs that when first and foremost I need to talk,,,just talk instead with friends and people I could relate with on a friendship level not dating. I think I need a long break from all of the dating, this whole thing has kinda killed dating for me for a little. Trying to stay positive.

And i haven't told anyone except mom...because when I was sick...real sick might I addd( you def know what I mean) but I told my roomate that i thought I had herpes. she is very self centerd alot but is still a friend...and I live with her sooo i wanted to tell her. But...the first doctor told me i didnt have it...so i told my roomate I didnt have it and i was happy...and then I found that I did from a blood test. Soooooo one night I was hanging with her and her boyfriend watching tv and again...herpes commercial...her boyfriend made fun of it and said..."OOOOPS Sorry"...i looked at him and ignored it. BUT THAT WITCH TOLD HIM ABOUT MY PROBLEM!!!! I trusted her and she told him. She thinks that I dont have it now cause I never told her the new results because of this boyfriend incident. soooo i dont tell anyone now and def not her cause you really can't trust anyone. So im happy to find you and everyon here at this site.

My roomate lives for sex!!! And isn't it soooo rediculous that you watch those friends who are off the hook about sleeping around allll thehehe timeme. And your like the only one who is safe and precautious and BAMB YOU are the one who has it. WEll im a religious person and well you know that song..."only the good die young?" well obviously were arent dying anytime soon but same concept. The good get the bad sometimes and have to struggle in life. Im trying to look at it like its making me a stronger person...which I know it has i can feel it inside. But weak at the same time cause i do feel like a part of me has wilterd. I was crying sooo much. I was diagnosed last June I think It was? and was soo ill. So im a newbee at this as well. I feel so alone and wanna cry all the time too. So we are in the same boat together.

I am so happy for this site...Thank you for whoever started it. I feel soo much better already from last nigt since I signed on. Im happy to i get to help others too as they are helping me. Hopefully I have helped you in anyway. and you can confide in my stories and relate. Be stong...Your never given anything too big you cant handle in life. Its a hurdle but your an olympian now.

ps- sorry I wrote a book:) heeh this whole thing is crazy sooo that's why my writing probably isnt the best...hehe sorry