Question:
This is the first time Ever speaking out about me having herpes. I found out from a blood test in may or june. It was awful!!!! I had been with my x for 3 years and when we broke up...I didn't go sleeping around or anything. A guy after my x rubbed his penis against me "down there" and that might have been it (didnt have sex with him). And I had one partner who became my boyfriend. We had unpretected sex. After my 3 year x whom I looved, I guess I had too much trust in people. After we broke up I went on Vacation to florida. It was the worst vaca ever because i couldn't even walk around or have fun on the beach. All my girls were having fun and I just couldn't even walk. IT WAS AWFUL. I remember thinking god please...this is such a different feeling...it hurts like nothin ive ever felt. So I had to call out of work when I got back because I was so sick. I was part-time then and didnt have insurance at the time and went to a random place at first and was in pain for like 2 months before I could get on insurance with a new job. I was soo poor then so the hospital would have killed me. Especially after vacation...which I wouldn't have taken if i had known. So...i now know through blood test i have type one..."down there." I am a catholic and am thinking of waiting till marraige now. I feel awful now. I dont want to sound egotistic...but im a young good looking woman and i feel like i shoot down any possibilities now of dating. I dont want anyone to know and im soo lonely now. Im on valtrex, but everyday im still aware of the fact that I have it. I can feel it still all the time. I never Break out totally im just aware at all times of it. I dont feel like ME anymore...i feel depressed and lonely and sad. Im doing well at work and my ambitions in life, but fear ever telling anyone besides mom about this. I am known in the community and if anyone were to find out from a guy i tell if i get serious then I would be ruined. I need help I guess. I am soo loving and need to care for someone at some point i know! I am not going to have sex with anyone ... im gonna waite till I fall in love again someday to tell someone, but in the mean time im lost. and feel like a part of myself is gone. I feel dirty and infested...ashamed and upset. I am not lashing agression, because i realise that I am the one who made the decission to have sex...and now this is the result for me. I can take responsibility for my actions but now I feel like im different. Help...I wish I could wake up without it...and it was alll a bad dream :(

Answer:
Snynow,

I was just diagnosed 2 weeks ago. Everything you discribed is the way I'm feeling.. I'm probably more in denial also, because what I have sounds and looks nothing like the "herpes" i have reserched.

I have found that the more reserch I do for myself the better I feel. Realizing that there are so many people out there with the same thing, and so many who have it and just don't know.... It really helps to allow you to feel less alone. I have a million questions to be answered, some of which are posted. Who knows when I'll get my answers, but I keep reserching and finding out everything I can about what I have. I was fortunate that when I was diagnoses I had already been in a relationship in chich we were falling in love. Of course when I first told him, he freaked out a little, but he is actully now more supportive and understanding about it thatn I am myself. Practiceing abstance is great, but don't do it just because you have Herpes. you can still have a great love life, it just takes someone who is willing to understand and some time to get used to it all. I'm still getting used to it, and I can't tell you when I'll actually acept if... like I said, I'm still in denial.

Regarding telling a new lover/boyfriend... I look at it this way.. If a ham is not willing to develop a good relationship before sex is involved then he's not worth it. Leave the herpes out of the your coversations until you feel like you want to go to that step with someone.. youhave to be able to trust them hun. Then once it out, be honest, truthful and very open about it.

Maybe we can get through this together... If you have any questions, I'l be happy to try and answer them... Good luck nad don't worry, you'll be fine.... A good freind of mine once said: When life gives you a lemon, ask for tequila and salt! :wink: