Question:
I completely understand how you all feel. I am only 18 years old and became infected with HSV December 4th, 2004. I also wanted to kill myself when I found out. It was my first sexual encounter also. I experienced a lot pain during intercourse and a lot of bleeding afterwords. On the 7th it was all I could do to walk. I asked a friend if this was normal and she told me no. So I asked my mother to take me to the hospital because my friend had told me that I might be torn. Shortly after arriving at the hospital my father showed up. I could have died of embaresment, but the worst was yet to come. Everyone left the room when the doctor came to examine me. The doctor said he thought it was chlamidiya but that it would take about a week to get the results. As soon as he left the room I started crying hystarically and yelling (God NO!). Everyone came in and asked what was wrong. I told them. I was given medication and sent home. I was told to finish up with my OB-GYN in three days. My friend said "at least its something curable". When I went to the doctor I was informed that the hospital tests came back negative and that he thought I had herpes. I went home and didnt get out of bed for a week. My results came back positive. :cry: I was so crushed that someone I thought cared about me would do this to me. When I called and told him he said I didnt get it from him and that I hadnt been a virgin before being with him. And then he left me. I dont even know where he is now. I know its wrong but I feel sooo much hate toward him. I dont know if I can ever forgive him for what he has done to me. My entire life is now ruined.

Answer:
Hopefull...

Your life isn't ruined. It always sadens me to hear that. I know how hard it is to think otherwise, but trust me it's far from over.

I won't lie to you, it's going to be little more difficult for the next little while, but it's important to always remember that you're not alone, and know that every one of us felt the exact same way at one point. it hurts me to hear anyone think of their life as ruined as a result of this. It hurts because I felt that way too (so have most of us), and it wasn't true.

The more you learn about it the stronger you'll become, and that strength is going to turn you into a better person. I guarantee you it will get easier, I promise you that. But you have to give yourself a fair chance. You can't just tell yourself your life will get better, you have to believe it, you have to know it...cause it will. ;-)

You will find someone else, and it will be a great love. Not some punk kid. Trust me, you need someone like that like most of us need an a**hole on our elbow. He's just a scared little boy, and you're going to meet more like him...of all different ages. What's important is that you don't let them govern how great your life can be.

You're at an age, where very simply...most guys are jerks. What he did was inexcueable, make no mistake about it. But you see as teenagers, guy's hormones are in overdrive and our brains stop working for about 3 years. Sadly we don't usually START coming out of it until we're around 21 (if we're lucky).

Don't write your life and all men off yet. There's a lot more of us out there, and we ain't all that bad. Some of us are a lot more understanding than you'd think.

Smile for me, and keep your chin up.
D.

Answer:
Well D, I must say I love your attitude. Mine is much the same. My heart goes out to you hopefull. Hang in there, its not the end of anything. you must change your perspective. It can be the beginning of great things. I have been infected for almost 4 weeks now and I have found that it has changed my priorities big time and for the better. As far as your future relationships go, there will be good guys and bad guys of all ages. The guy who gave this to me was 38 and I have yet to get a hold of him in person to discuss this matter after we were intimate for the first time. He ran for the hills. We were discussing marriage and now look. He won't even return my calls. I have written him off, but I am one wiser woman now. Make the most of your situation and take better care of your health and when Mr. Right comes along he will be well worth the effort you invest in yourself now.

Answer:
Thank you both for your support! :D

Answer:
tell me where he lives and ill kick his ass...what a shitbag.

Answer:
Hi everyone, I spent alot of time on your site last nite. I wanted to say thank you - at one point or another all of you had expressed virtually every thought and feeling that I've had since I found out 5 days ago. I just got back from 2 weeks of scuba diving in Honduras and was tested before I left. I got the results while away. I'm glad that I did because waiting would only have postponed the inevitable it wouldn't have changed the result.

I have no idea at all when I got it (haven't had sex for 5 months)... I suspect it may be years and years. I have no idea who I got it from as I have made a huge effort to educate myself already and know it can be months, years, even decades before the first outbreak.

Here's what I've come down to:
1) It could be WAY worse. I was more nervous about the herpes test than the pap smear for cancer - the last one was abnormal. I was more scared about the herpes test than the HIV test - done just to be sure. I realize that is warped. One of them will kill me for sure and the other may kill me. Herpes WON't kill me.
2) I have a number of friends and acquaintances with diseases like Lou Gehrig's, terminal cancer etc. and so having Herpes suddenly doesn't seem like quite such a big deal. I will live. My first and second outbreak (all in the same month) were uncomfrotable and scary but not agonizing. I can take anti-virals and if I try not to stress, get over-tired, eat well etc... hopefully it'll be a while, a long while, before the next. The drugs may be costly and as I'm self-employed without a drug plan, that's not great but it's better than chemo or no medicine for it.
3) It's a waste of energy and emotion to figure out how and why and who gave it to me. I have done a certain amount of it and it's simply pointless and debilitating. Better to edcuate myself. Last nite I screwed up my courage and left a voice mail for a Toronto support group. The guy called me this a.m. and it was a big help. I go to the first meeting on Tuesday. Part of me keeps hoping it's a nightmare and I'll wake up herpes-free but the phone calls and signing up for your forum means I'm accepting it and prepared to live with it.
4) Will I tell partners??? No, I just won't EVER have sex again. That isn't too realistic - well maybe it is cos if I do tell no one will want to have sex with me. I wouldn't blame them - that would have been my attitude before last Tuesday except that finding a best friend, lover, confidante, supporter - is tough eno that maybe I would. This will force me to take it slowly and really get to know someone and assess truly his values, integrity, intelligence etc.. rather than being up in lust, longing, fun etc.... I will tell people before we get intimate because it's not fair for me to do what someone did to me... Maybe "he" didn't know but.... I do wish I'd slept with the married men that wanted to sleep with me - that would have taught them a lesson EXCEPT that would infect their wives and that's not fair either... so I'm having to plan to take the moral high ground and be honest and upfront...as one friend and the support group guy said to me "it's going to change your approach to relationships and maybe that's a good thing" . Ironically I had decided not to ever have casual sex again about six months ago.... more for emotional reasons than physical. I would rather not have herpes to force me to stick with this commitment I made to myself, but hey I'm not dying of it...
6) Do I tell friends? I haven't honestly decided yet. Will they judge me? will they gossip about it? Hopefully my friends are better than that and I'm realizing that the terrible stigma with HV is due to ignorance and lack of education. We feel sorry for those with HIV while we condemn and ostracise HV... Hummm.... I feel it's going to be my duty (to help give back to the support group and your forum for your help) to educate and inform - whether it's thru a magazine article (I'm a magazine writer) or simply sharing my story or what will be my story, I don't know yet.
7) I refuse to be defined by HV - I am not HV. I'm still a cool person who loves to scuba dive, sail my laser, run and has a truly excellent life that I appreciate hugely. Yes, I am freaked and yes I thought of killing myself and decided that was a truly asinine approach to it. Also killing myself would hurt, I wouldn't get a chance to dive or sail or cuddle my cat ever again or laugh with my friends and family. It would not be fair to the friends and family who love me and who have smacked me upside the head for even thinking about it. Nor would it be fair to the divemaster or the boat captain while I was away :-) --- I can be highly dramatic and emotional but I have a practical streak as well.

To anyone who reads this - thanks for letting me express all I've been thinking and feeling for the past 5 days and month (I had a pretty strong feeling the result would be positive)... hope springs eternal - I haven't seen my doctor yet (that's tomorrow) and part of me thinks maybe she'll say it was a mistake, maybe it equivocal (I read about that result on your forum) but I know that won't happen...
Thanks again.
Kara