Question:
Hello. You all probably get this all the time, but I have questions and I am feeling very down.
I am four months pregnant with my second child and three weeks ago, I noticed an itchy spot on my genitals.
It didn't go away for two weeks and only got worse, becoming very sore. I had an appointment with my OB so he took a look at it. He told me that it looks like the skin was irriated and the most common thing that causes this is Herpes. He took a culture and said the results will take 2-3 weeks (This is torture waiting) I have since looked online at many sites with pictures, symptoms, etc and it seems that I have many of the signs of Herpes. I have cried almost every day.
I am so scared that this will hurt my baby. I have read so many scary things about what it can do to an unborn baby. I don't know how I could ever live with the guilt if there is something wrong with this child. I am falling apart inside. I have been with my husband for four years and I know he didn't give it to me. Which means that at the least, I have had this for four years and I never had an OB. Does anyone know about being pregnant and having your first outbreak, even if it's been in my system for years?
This has been an emotional, painful week.
It burns when I go to the bathroom, it itches and it's spreading all over my genitals. I haven't even told my husband I think it's Herpes. I won't let him come near me. He knew about the irritation and I told him that the doctor will know what it is in a couple weeks. He asked me what they are testing it for and I told him, STD's. He said, "Well, it's not that"
We haven't spoken about it since.
I am so scared how he will take it if it is Herpes (I am 90% sure it is) I think he will be mad and I think he will direct it at me. He will want to blame me as if I knew, I just know it. (and I don't mean he abuses me, please don't think that!) I don't know how we will be able to get past this. I don't think he will be able to understand that the only thing I did wrong was I dated the wrong guy. I never had a one night stand, anyone I was intimate with was a boyfriend. I would use the pill, so condoms weren't always used. How stupid, when I think back on it now.
This whole thing is like a horrible nightmare. The only rest I get is when I sleep. As soon as I wake, the feelings of guilt and anger wash right back over me. I cry in the night, I cry during the day when my daughter sleeps.
Does anyone have any advice on how and when I should talk to my husband? Should I wait for the test to come back or try to prepare him if it is? Please help.

Answer:
My reply may sound off-the-wall, but my reaction to your story is this: I think you should wait for the test results, and then share them with him.

You have nothing to apologize for in my opinion. If you know you have been monogamous, then take comfort in that. We take our spouses as we find them, and unless there were tests done at the time you married, there's certainly no proof that you acquired the virus from some third person while you have been with your husband.

Now here's the harsh part: I'm a single woman, and I cant tell you how many married men--young, old, black, white, other, happily married, unhappily married, engaged men--have hit on me in the workplace alone. Numerous ones were men whose wives were expecting or had small children. I was always disgusted by it but always found some strategic way to reject the advances but go on and work with them as I had to, but I'm sure that most of their wives were unaware of their behavior. There's a side to married men that only other women know.

If I were betting the ranch, I would more believe that you were suffering from a primary infection (if its even herpes at all) that you got from your spouse (of course a blood test for him may help clear that up--in the event that it is negative and yours is positive, then you know you had it before, but if its positive, neither one of you can "prove" to the other that you didn't get it elsewhere), than that you had this virus in the past and it just woke up now to wreak havoc because your body may be more stressed. The truth is, no woman knows where her husband's penis is or has been at every single moment in time.

This is all just speculation, of course. But that is my honest reaction.

You're a pregnant woman--you should try to be as happy as possible for you and your baby. If you've been 'faithful', you've been faithful. If you have a virus that has been dormant all this time, then you do. That's the way viruses can be so nobody has the right to be mad at you for the nature of a virus. And the same thing could have happened with your husband---he could have had H before he married you instead of the other way around and have passed it on to you (I think everybody should get tested for everything before they get married anyway, though that still doesnt guarantee all antibodies show up). Well....It's a good thing your doctor seems 'on top of it' from the start.

Answer:
Hi. Thanks for your reply. If this is Herpes, I have had it for at least 4 years without an OB. My husband did not cheat on me. May sound naive to you, but it's a fact. No, I don't know where he's been all the time, but I do trust 100% he didn't cheat on me. If one thing in the world makes him sick, it's cheating. I know not knowing us personally, it may seem that it is the only logical explaination to most. Cheating is not the issue.

I also have another question - can you spread the sores by touching them and then touching another part of your body? Can you get them on your fingers if you touch them? Before I suspected it was Herpes, I touched it, thinking it was an ingrown hair.
If a blister pops, can it spread and make more blisters, like Chicken Pox?

Answer:
You are correct about the possible spreading of the herpes through your touching, just like with chicken pox. Most especially when the blister ruptures. You will want to stay as dry as you can and only touch what you really have to--like you may have to apply some antiviral cream at some point (which you could do with a cottonball actually). And if you have a paper cut or other abrasion of your finger, avoid touching yourself at all cost where you have open blisters. In general you will want to be conscious of your hands and washing them and where you put them--it sounds like you already are. We put our hands in so many places--all over our faces for example and never think about it. And of course on our faces are 3 easy segways to mucosal tissue (eyes, nose, mouth). It can become habitual--consciousness of your hand hygiene, and that's good.

Answer:
Not trying to give you false hope, but there is a chance you don't have it. My doctor REALLY thought I did. After reading about all the symptoms, I was sure I did too. It turns out I don't. My problems are more likely skin issues for which I will be seeing a dermitologist soon. As far as trusting your husband, I can understand that too. My husband dispises cheating, and I would bet my life he never cheated. When I thought I had herpes, the thought never crossed my mind he cheated, and I knew I didn't either. May sound naive, but I know how you feel.

If you do have it, it is just as likely he gave it to you. He may not have noticed sympotms. When I thought I had it was so upset, because even though I'm no angel, I'm far from slutty. Think of it this way~ You could get herpes I from a hello kiss from a relative. You can be an inexperienced virgin with another virgin and give herpes to them from oral sex.

As far as the baby is concerned, I believe if you happen to have an outbreak when you go into labor, they could give you a c-section and the baby would be fine.

Answer:
Tohealth - Thanks for the info. It seems as if this will never go away. I have had it for about four weeks now. It only seems to get worse. I am paranoid that I could be spreading it when I wipe. I try to pat the area where it is, but nothing is helping. It started out as one or two on one side. Had that for like a week, then it went to the other side (near my rectum) had that for like a week and now it seems to be spreading to the inside of my labia. It's been like that for about a week, too.

Amom - Did you get sores in your genitals and it was a skin problem? Or did your doc think it was oral Herpes?

Answer:
Hmm...it does sound "herpes-like" as in nerve path related. I was going to ask you this yesterday (if you draw a line down the center of your body is it all on one side). The good thing is that you're a day closer to getting your test results.

Answer:
No, I wouldn't say that it is on the same side. It started on the inside of my left cheek, then right, then on one side of my labia (just one sore) and then the other. Now it feels like there might be one high in the crack of my arse, near my back.
What do you mean when you say, "Nerve path related"? Does that mean that usually the OB will be on the same nerve, so almost in a line on one side of your body?

Answer:
I was pregnant when I contracted herpes also. I was 6 mos along with our second child. I contracted it from a cold sore on my husbands lip. I had lesions the very next morning..I didnt know what it was. Waited 4 days before I had my husband take me to the emergency room becuase I was in so much pain. I had them from front to back.
Our son was born 9 lbs 8 oz and healthy as a horse with no problems. I did have a c-section. But I had one with our first so we just did a repeat.
Good luck with your test results.