Question:
Please reply and let me know. I am desperate to talk to someone in a similar situation as me. Here's my story:

I am sick to my stomach right now. I was planning on coming here this morning and asking for advice on how to tell my wife that I may have exposed her to an STD. This morning however, I couldn't hold it in any longer and after she woke up, I explained to her that I think I may have gotten herpes from having unprotected oral sex with a prostitute about 3 weeks ago. I have a Dr's appointment today, although I don't know if he'll be able to tell me anything. I have symptoms consistent with Herpes, although I have not been diagnosed yet. I also fear the possibility that I may have contracted HIV, although my understanding is that risk is very low when receiving oral sex. I have been with my wife for 20 years and we have 2 beautiful children ages 10 and 5. I really need to talk to someone who has been in my position, or even someone who has been in my wife's position (infected by your husband). I really am feeling very desperate and feel like I have nowhere to turn . Please help.....

Answer:
I see no one has responded, but don't lose hope, I'm sure there is someone who has been in your position. I got it from someone who became my husband, but he didn't contract it while we were in the relationship. He'd had H for years but chose the ignorant-bliss route so it was a complete shock to me when I got it. You've probably figured out by now that it's not the end of the world. You need confirmation from doctors about your HSV status and HIV status. Let us know how it works out.

Answer:
Sorry but stories like this make me sick. You had sex with a prostitute now you feel bad?? FUCKING WHAAAA. You didnt think about how wonderfull and beautifull your children and wife were BEFORE you screwed around and messed up THEIR lives..but to make matters WORSE you did it with a HOOKER????! Why didn't you just lick the inside of a dumpster and kiss your wife, it's just as nasty and you CLEARLY have NOOO consideration for your wife or childrens well being! If your wife has any brains her in her head she will leave you in your self inflicted misery. Why are there so many deseases out there people ask.....because of people like YOU with no reguard for other peoples health and feelings! For your wifes sake I hope you didnt contract anything, but as far as I am concerned, YOU get what you get and you only have yourself and your nasty habits to blame. You not only did this to her..but you did it to your CHILDRENNNNNN. You didnt have enough respect for them to just leave them you had to put their lives in danger. Very charming.

Sorry to everyone else, but this kind of careless behaivor and complete irregard for other peoples lives makes me fucking ill. People like this should be taken to the streets and put down like a lame horse for they are a threat to society.

Answer:
Some people are dogs in this world

Answer:
We ALL make mistakes, and the important thing is to do our best to learn from our mistakes. Often times when we are at fault, admiting that and living with the consequences of our actions are punishment enough. Nobody deserves bad things to happen to them! It's easy to pass judgement, but we must realize that often times we do so without knowing enough.

Good luck!

Answer:
We ALL make mistakes But we dont all make mistakes like this.

I understand people's sentiment. A mistake is calling your wife fat right after she's had a baby; it's forgetting an aniversary; its yelling at your kid when they didn't do anything wrong and you're really mad at your boss.

This is different. It has irreparable consequences. It's wreckless. It's dangerous. It required conscious intent. He had to drive (I'm assuming) to the right part of town. He had to look around to see if the cops were watching. He then took that same physical appendage that he inserted into a stranger's bodily orifice, and back at home inserted it into his wife and then sat on that fact for 3 weeks saying nothing.

Gambling with your weekly spending money might be a mistake. But taking your kid's college trust fund to the casino is something else. He took his marriage to the casino. It's important to get the big ticket items right, and he got this one very, very wrong. Passing judgment is not necessarily bad. We do it everyday to help us make the right decisions.

Answer:
Look, I am not saying I condone such actions. I was just under the impression that this website was a place for us to offer each other support.

The gentleman (idiotinnorcal) seems to be extremely concerned about the risk he has put his wife and family in. I can't say that what he did was okay or that he's learned his lesson, but shouldn't we give him the benefit of the doubt, as much as we can at least, and help him with his problem. We don't have to agree with the course of action that got him into this situation, but we can still offer our compassion.

I certainly don't see the need to vehemently attack someone who openly confesses their problems to us, admits fault, and tells us how desperate they are.

Idiotinnorcal,

I honestly do hope that things between you and your wife work out as smoothly as possible. And although that is most important, I also hope that you were lucky enough to not have contracted an std and passed it on to your wife.

Good luck again!

Answer:
I was just under the impression that this website was a place for us to offer each other support. I offer support to people who have been victimized by people like the poster?I personally wasn?t very concerned with the poster (who I don?t believe will be very affected by anything in this forum or outside of it), which is why I?ve hardly directed any commentary to him--a whopping two sentences to be exact. But if I sound harsh it?s not because I?m being harsh, but because the truth is harsh. STDs are harsh and he is part of the problem, not the solution.

Perhaps you define ?support? as relief from judgment coupled with wishing the poster?s marriage ?survives?. I wouldn?t wish this marriage survives anymore than I would wish his wife goes to jail, and I think that kneejerkly wishing this just because he yells ?Help!? is total disregard for 3 entirely innocent people: his wife and children.

But forget that---whatever it is, I?d argue this forum is not some artificially sterile judgment-free zone. On a basic level its about health and the poster doesn?t appear very concerned about that. Perhaps he should be in a "Saving Your Marriage By Any Means Necessary" forum because for him, herpes appears incidental. It doesn?t matter what the reason is for his marriage failing. He?s just concerned about it failing. He isn?t coming to this forum with substantive questions about herpes or the health consequences for his family. He appears searching for an elixir to pull off saving a marriage and he wants to interview people about their strategies to possibly use in his case. That?s why he?s here.
The gentleman (idiotinnorcal) seems to be extremely concerned about the risk he has put his wife and family in. I must say I find this comment insensitive. I see no evidence that he is a gentleman or that he is concerned about any risk he put his wife and family in.
We don't have to agree with the course of action that got him into this situation, but we can still offer our compassion. You can offer your compassion to whomever you choose. I have compassion for his wife and children
I certainly don't see the need to vehemently attack someone who openly confesses their problems to us, admits fault, and tells us how desperate they are. And I don?t see the need to coddle people whose conscious, intentional free will is the very reason this forum exists.