Question:
today seemed like the first day of the rest of my miserable life....i got a call from my OB today telling me that i was positive with this hellacious virus that they have no cure for. about a week ago i noticed that i had a horrible itch on my vaginal area. for some reason, i thought it may have been poison ivy...i'm the kind of girl that can get it by saying it... :lol: anyway, i didn't think anything of it. i had sex with my boyfriend of a year....the next day i got home and the itching was getting worse....i decided to go see my dr about it....the dr put me of the meds and that was that...i had to wait a long week to see what my results were...in the meantime, i hadn't told my boyfriend, but did tell another guy that i had slept with 3 wks prior about it....cuz i thought for sure he was the one...well, i told that guy that i would let him know the results when i got them...that very same night, my boyfriend tells me that he has something on him, but it went away in a day...i was thinking hmmmmm....he told me that i needed to go get tested and when the results came back then we would talk about it if it was positive....i said, ok, hypothetically, what if the results came back positive with whatever...he said, "then i know you cheated on me and that you are dirty whore"...i said that's just great....i then asked him if he was going to get tested and he said no that i only needed to....little did he know that i had done earlier that day....i couldn't bring myself to tell him that i did....i didn't want to hear the name calling or have him yell at me for knowing when i didn't...well, today the call came from the dr and i called crying to the other guy whom i had slept with 3 wks prior...he was very understanding and said that he would go get tested today....he said the dr checked him and told him that he doesn't have anything...whether he gets the blood test is up to him now....i told him that when we had sex that time, that i hadn't had any outbreaks of a rash on me....now, for my boyfriend....i haven't told him yet b/c i haven't been able to get a hold of him....when i did have the balls to tell him, i got really scared and just wanted to die, b/c i don't want to hear him call me names or yell at me....has there been anyone who has had to deal with this situation with their BF/GF????? please, i am open to suggestions on how to let my boyfriend know....i don't want him to spread it to anyone if he does have it....i know my responsibility is to tell him, but whether or not he goes to get tested isn't.....part of me feels as if he has cheated on me, but i'm not quite sure....if the other guy has tested negative for the virus, then it's sure to be my boyfriend....please help...thank you!

Answer:
Who gave what to whom? It seems like you're trying to deflect blame by suggesting that your boyfriend may be cheating on YOU. When, in fact, you seem to have forgotten that you are cheating on HIM.

After the recent posts by the cheating husband who went to a prostitute, and then slept with his wife, potentially infecting her with herpes - I just have no tolerance for cheaters (not that I had any before).

You are a 20 year old girl. Why on earth would you bother having a boyfriend if you are obviously not happy (as evidenced by the cheating) in the relationship? Truly, I have never understood the point of cheating...why all the dishonesty?

Do yourself a favor: use condoms from now on, and if you have herpes, make sure you tell future partners ahead of time. Do your boyfriend a favor: tell him the truth and then leave him alone.

Michelle

Answer:
i have failed to put in my message that my boyfriend has been cheating on me too......

but thanks michelle for being rude when this is suppose to be helpful...i have no tolerance for rude and inconsiderate people!

Answer:
You wanted advice on how to tell your boyfriend you have been cheating and contracted herpes? You tell him. If you have mistaken "realistic" advice for "rude," that is your interpretation.

I still don't understand why a 20-year old and an 18-year old would bother sleeping around on each other. I apologize, I call things as I see it them.

That aside, you should be more careful; I wasn't kidding about that. Hopefully you learn a lesson from H (I know I sure did).

Michelle

Answer:
you must be thinking of someone else....no where in my message said what age we were...but that's beside the point...people that young are stupid and are willing to do anything for sex.....

thank you for being honest, but that doesn't mean that it was all me that was cheating...if you were to read what i wrote, the guy that i cheated with was in the clear and doesn't have herpes....

and for you to tell me that i need to be careful, that is a given...i know that...don't need someone to preach to me....this is a lesson that i have learn and will do so...obviously you need to go back and practice what you preach missy!

Answer:
Why be upset that he is going to accuse you of cheating when you were actually cheating? Weather or not he was cheating on you is irrelivent to the situation because you were also cheating on him so you can't really be THAT upset over it. If he calls you names and accuses you of being unfaithfull and contracting stds, then he kinda has that right because that is exactly what was going on.
This is the problem with society, noone wants to think things can happen to them until it actually does, then they are all distraught because of it. You get out of life exactly what you put into it. If you are out there with multiple sex partners, and are aware that some of those partners are also sleeping with people other than you, then you should also be aware that you are putting yourself at great risk for contracting not only herpes, but a numbers of stds.
Michelles problem isnt that you have herpes, it's that you are concerned that your boyfriend will be upset with you and accuse you of cheating when you actually were indeed cheating....hense contracting an STD. This is why people preach to practice abstinance and safe sex and this is also why people get so pissed when hearing people talking about cheating. This kind of "multiple sex partner" behaivor is the reason that desease runs rampid and this forum exists. Now you have an obligation to let the people you were sleeping with know that they may have come into contact with an std while sleeping with you. That sucks but, you are an adult and the act of having sex with someone is an adult decision and you need to accept the responsibility of adult actions. Where you got it and who infected who is irrelivent at this point.
Unfortunatly welcome to the forum...things will get better.

Answer:
...he said, "then i know you cheated on me and that you are dirty whore"... 1st, any male who would actually utter the word ?whore??let alone as a referent to his girlfriend?is raw sewage and should be jettisoned from your life post haste. You absolutely don?t have to ever stand for that treatment for one megasecond.

2nd, you should know that (a) due to physical design and mucus membrane surface area of the genitals, it is far, far easier for a male to give herpes to a female than the other way around;

• "Women are 3 to 4 times more likely than men to become infected with herpes when exposed to the virus. A potential explanation for this observation is the higher efficiency of HSV-2 transmission from men to women as compared with that from women to men. ? http://www.healthandhope.com/info/wo....jsp?checked=y
  ?Women may be more susceptible to genital herpes infections because: The genital area has a greater surface area of cells moist with body fluids (mucosal cells) than men.?
  http://dermatology.about.com/cs/geni...herp_women.htm

(b) on average, males have more sexual partners?translation: ARE BIGGER ?WHORES? than any females on the planet, to invoke your boyfriend?s vocabulary; (c) when they do have sex, males are less likely than females to use protection.

Therefore, the first thought you should have is not that you gave it to either male, but that one of them likely gave it to you. You should not be saddled with any feelings of guilt whatsoever. You have done absolutely nothing worse than anything they have done. It isn?t clear to me that having sex with the guy 3 weeks earlier happened during a time when you were even dating the current boyfriend, or after you possibly avowed to be monogamous with him anyway, so I certainly cant classify that as ?cheating?. And even if it were, nobody in your age group should believe anybody is actually monogamous and should be using protection anyway, so your boyfriends have as much responsibility for their current STD status as you have for yours. It isn?t as though you knew you had H and then withheld that information.

...the other guy whom i had slept with 3 wks prior... said the dr checked him and told him that he doesn't have anything...whether he gets the blood test is up to him now.... Any doctor should know that you don?t need H symptoms to prove you have H. Especially in males. The doctor only should have said, ?its indeterminate by physical exam but a blood test in a few months may reveal it.? If this is not what this guy says the doctor said, I?m suspicious of either his honesty or the doctors competence. ...please, i am open to suggestions on how to let my boyfriend know....i don't want him to spread it to anyone if he does have it...i know my responsibility is to tell him The 2nd boyfriend isn?t even concerned enough with his own health or for the health of any future females he will contact, obviously, to commit to getting tested himself. He?s settling for you getting tested. Your test results have absolutely nothing to do with him at this point--if he were respectful of you as a female, it would be a courtesy for you to tell him, but by his own observation he is already on notice that he may have an illness. He observed an abnormality on his own, and he should seek medical care for it on his own. In fact, he may have something totally different from H that has nothing to do with you. Anything you may have given him in the past is what he assumed the risk to contract, because you didn?t know you had it. I know you don?t want him to infect anyone, but it doesn?t sound like your telling him your test results will increase his concern for humanity anyway, given the above. He may well join the many males who go about spreading H knowingly and indiscriminately (and then referring to the females who their behavior infects as "whores".)

And as to "deflection", males often deflect responsibility off to some female when she approaches him suspecting he gave it to her. The man who infected me tried to claim I gave it to him--while at the same time denying he even had it AND having medical records that clearly indicated he had it AND the doctors all clearly indicating I could not have had it previously because of how it progressed which effectively dated the infection time for me. So never put it past a male to deflect in this way, even when confronted with perfect evidence that they are the source.

Answer:
I am responding to the young lady who wrote this: Who really cares about the pettiness of who slept with who. I see you really wanted some feedback on our question and not someone lecturing you on what you should and should not do and not really answering your question when everyone on this forum knows that the statistics are alarming to the fact and a big percentage of people DONT KNOW THEY HAVE IT.(atleast that is what they say and I also feel it is a BIG LAME ASS EXCUSE) I assume you didnt and if you did i also assume that you would have been a decent young lady to let someone else know. I've only had it for almost 3 months now and I go about life as it being a new day and a new beginning of life's challenges. When I found out I specifically walked in the house very down to earth and told him I needed to talk to him he also knew I was going to the doctor because something wasnt right with me and I also asked him has he been involved with someone else ( of course the devil IS a LIAR and the truth aint in him) I also showed him my results, but my child's father is a big asshole and still dosent believe it till this day and still wants to sleep with me. Forget what he will call you if you if you strongly believe that you might have given it to him as shocking as it may seem when I've read that transmission is more likely from man to woman than from woman to man devasting statistics show that it lies dormant in men than women not to play the blame game because who really cares if you want to tell him which I do feel is useless at this point and if the relationship doesnt work out then oh well who needs another verbally abusive person in their life you sure as hell dont because it only makes the situation worse. Did your BF all of a sudden forget that he had somthing funny SHOW UP ON HIM he needs to get tested to and get educated himself on the disease(though the educating part didnt help me much for his dumb ass) and I know he didnt call you a whore when men are the biggest whores on the planet called EARTH. Here is one good website that some people have given me www.raccoon.com. and www.mpwh.com (u can download a 5 page booklet and a letter on how to tell your partners) No one deserves to be put down I am sure you know what to do it you become in another sexually encounter with someone and the hardest part is telling noone knows but him and 2 of my closest cousins. It'll get better and take your time to get over it (like you really can) Anyway enough said I hope it was positive feedback in your eyes and I wish SOME PEOPLE ON THIS SITE WOULD KEEP IT AND I MEAN KEEP IT REAL WITH PEOPLE and these people also know that you dont have to have multiple SEX PARTNERS be real like half of the people on here havent slept with someone else Damn is this life we are living in or a fucked up bad ass dream. Have a great life

Love Toria

ps wanna talk you can always IM me or email me :wink: :)

Answer:
---Another thing on this protection thing...condoms arent perfect but a lot of these males don't want to use condoms because it reduces pleasure even though they know good and well the female may not be monogamous or could have previously contracted an STD even if she is now monogamous (how many of them look at her medical records before consenting to have sex with her?) But they care more about feeling good than about health so they go ahead and take the risk, but then get angry with the female because the "coast wasn't clear" after all and she didn't know...very selfish to me...They want access to our bodies for maximal pleasure but freedom from responsibility for any risks. Same for anal sex where they want access to our bodies for maximal pleasure (how many women are really standing in line for anal sex?) which I think only men with undersized penises "require" for penetrative sexual gratification anyway--like our anuses should have to pay for the fact that they have little penises. I slightly digress...

There are conscientious men who always use condoms before marriage, even with virgins--I've dated them. So men like your boyfriends do have choices...