Question:
Hi. I need help.

So, here's the scenario.

Boy and Girl meet and really really hit it off. They sleep together using condoms for the first month or so of the relationship. Then she goes on the pill and they drop using condoms.

Background info on:
Girl: she hasn't had sex for almost 2 years before meeting Boy. Then she went into a monogamous relationship with Boy for about 7 months.

Boy: married for over eight years, during which that time he had a two-year extra-marital affair. (at least once that we know of). He could possibly have been involved with his soon-to-be ex wife who herself might have had affairs (affairs that might have containted the virus).

Common informatoin: Girl and Boy are in their very early 30s.

Girl wakes up one morning after sleeping with Boy (with no condom) with an uncomfortable sensation "down there". And they have sex again, only (for other reasons) he wore a condom that time.

One week later the discomfort Girl was feeling hadn't gone away, so she got tested and several days after that test Girl finds out that she does have genital herpes. Girl had had a very small, minor breakout (or, does that matter?). This is the first time ever Girl had had any type of breakout that she knew of, otherwise everything has ben in tip-top shape down there.

QUESTIONS:
1. could Girl have contracted the virus from another partner whom she slept with at least and at a minimum of 4 years earlier to her current relationship, and just have the virus dormant in her system until this outbreak? How long will this virus lie dorman in someone before it pops up?

2. could Boy have gotten the herpes virus from the woman he had a two year affair with during his marriage? And could it have been dormant in his body?

3. If #2 is possible, then is it possible that he spread the virus to Girl who's body was sensitive enough to have a breaout sooner rather than later, even if Boy has never had a breakout (well, none that he had confessed to Girl)?

I hope I typed this so that it makes sense. Just trying to learn about how this virus can spread.

Answer:
Unfortunately, I think it's around 80% of people who have genital herpes never even know it. I would make the assumption therefore that the majority of those have the virus without outbreaks...or ones so mild that they are unaware...or have the virus but it's dormant (don't know if shedding occurs in this scenario or not?)

When I was diagnosed a year ago, I had not had sex in over 4 months and had never had any such symptoms in my life prior. When I confronted that person, he denied any symptoms or diagnosis. I asked my doctor how long it can be dormant in someone's system before the first outbreak happens and she didn't have an answer..."an unknown period of time." One of the blood tests can tell the difference between recent exposure vs. having had it longer, but as far as finding out when exactly exposure happened, or how long it's been dormant...I don't think there's any way to know.

Michelle

Answer:
I agree - I think blood tests can tell if you've had it a while or recently contracted it, but I have no personal experience with using the test in that way. My best friend had her first outbreak last year but thinks she may have been carrying it for years. She had swollen lymph node problems in her groin area for many years but no doctor ever suggested it might be h. Then, one day after being in a relationship for two years, she and her boyfriend had outbreaks simultaneously. There was some speculation as to whether he had cheated, but when she told the doctor about her swollen glands, he said she's probably been carrying it. But who knows. It's still suspicious to me that they had their first outbreaks simultaneously two years into a relationship. Every story is different, is my point. Your situation furthers the point that anyone can get it. The only way your boyfriend would be at fault is if he knew, and even then he was probably in denial so it wasn't malicious.

Answer:
Considering that there are a few different people in this scenerio that "MAY" and "DID" have other sexual partners, the fact that you got an std isnt shocking....where and who you got it from? Who knows...pick your poison. At this point, with him having affairs with people who were also messing with other people, you'll probubly never know who gave it to who. It's very common for men to carry and pass hsv without ever showing signs of being infected. The chance of him having it do to his affairs and not knowing it, then passing it to you is very likely.