Question:
I just was diagnosed with Genital Herpes....I am so lost. I caught it from a friend who got it from another one of our friends. Now there's 3 of us in this together and we don't know what to do. I am dating someone righ tnow but she doesn't know, it hasn't gotten serious yet. When do I tell her? Are there support groups? I am so depressed and I feel so alone. Can anyone help me?

Answer:
Have you guys, the 3 friends, all been honest with eachother about having it? That can help a lot to at least have close people to understand exactly what you are going through. There are a lot of support groups, check under the "great websites" part of this forum. Also, read around a lot, it can be soothing to be for informed and also help to show how much you are not alone. As far as your gfriend is concerned, is it possible you passed it to her? Either way, you will have to be honest at some point, before any sex, but take a bit to calm down so you can explain it to her logically. Who knows, a lot of the people on this forum tell their partners and they can be very understanding. There are a lot worse stds out there. Also, post your story, it may help to get more input, people going through similar situations.

Answer:
support groups


Answer:
You need to tell her before your relationship goes any further. The longer you wait, the worse it's going to be. Do NOT have any kind of sexual contact with her until you tell her. You don't want to expose her to a lifelong viral infection, especially without her knowledge. Tell her what shes' up against and let her make her decision, whatever that may be. Everyone should have that right, and there are waaay to many people on this forum that were robbed of that.

Answer:
Well my 2 friends were dating, they broke up and after a little while they slept together again. Then I ended up sleeping with the girl and she must've given it to me. They are now both in the process of getting tested. I was safe with a condom everytime and apparantly none of us were edcuated enough to understand how you can get herpes. Now I'm pretty sure all 3 of us have it, well I know I do anyway. I know only a couple people who actually have it and I feel very alone here. The girl I am seeing hasn't gotten to anything sexual yet, we've only been out a couple times. Is that to soon to tell, I'll obviously tell her before anything sexual comes into play (I would never not tell, thats horrible) but when is a good time? 4th date? wait till I'm a boyfriend? what do you say to someone? I'm so afraid of getting rejected that I almost just called her to say I wasnt interested anymore.
I am going to email that support group here in CT, I just don't know what else to do. I'm very depressed and almost on the verge of suicide.......... I feel like noone will ever understand and want me again. I feel like an outcast. trapped in a bubble where if anyone gets to close i'll give them something. Does anyone else feel like me?

Answer:
It'd be best for both of you emotionally for you to tell her as soon as possible. You dont want to get close to her if she's not able to accept it and calls it off completely. Better to know now if she's going to do that before any real feelings are there.

Answer:
Shouldn't i wait to tell so feelings can develop.....won't anyone just run away if they realize i have herpes right off the bat.........most people would i think............am i wrong? i dont know enough.....I'm freaking out completely.......is there therapy groups for people like me? I wrote an email to the ss\upport group in CT and they haven't written me back yet. I just don't know what to do........I don't want to get so depressed that I try to kill myself. It feels like I'm heading down that path.

Answer:
Seriously, don't do anything rash like hurt/kill yourself. This is hardly worth it. If you boil it all down...herpes is a skin condition with a really bad stigma. You should call a counselor asap so you can work these feelings out constructively and not destructively.

I started dating a guy in December (first one since being diagnosed, and the first one in a long time besides that). I ended up telling him at about the fourth week...the next time I saw him after the first time we fooled around more than kissing. It was really hard...he was generally ok - grateful that I was open & honest, but scared of contracting (obviously). We had sex for the first time a few weeks later...but over the next month he kind of drifted away...H or non-H related I wasn't sure. I missed him and contacted him in March and we have been dating again ever since and he says that although it is a risk, I am worth it. We use condoms and are careful. He is the greatest guy I have met in such a long time. There is hope of finding someone worthwhile who will accept you despite the H.

It was hard to know when to tell. I was glad that he didn't kiss me until the 3rd date...that gave me the benefit of him getting to know me that much better. I think slow is the way to go...but at some point you have to tell (before any potentially risky intimacy).

BUT, the main thing you should focus on right now is taking care of yourself. I think you should see a therapist. Please take care.

Michelle

Answer:
Hey! This is SO not worth your life....
I got my symptoms just over a week ago and when I did some self diagnosis I was beside myself. Not helped by the fact that the first site I consulted simply said "No known cure" - thanks, VERY helpful. But I've now dealt with it, been tested (pending results but me and doc both pretty certain) and done a lot of research and talking to health professionals and everything is looking a lot brighter.
I did spend two days devastated. Sitting on my bathroom floor and sobbing, wondering how I could do this to myself, wondering what I'd done to deserve this (like most people on this site I practise safe sex - there's a definite gap in information where the contraction of herpes is concerned if even well informed careful people like me have no idea you can get it skin to skin) and yes, I had one particularly bad sleepless night where I had a couple of suicidal thoughts (are you prone to depression? I am and at low times although I've never attempted it, thoughts of suicide do enter my mind. I've learned to ride it out)
Hold on, it will egt better. In real terms, this things is f*cking nasty first time round. EVERYONE I have spoken to says this is by far the worst it will ever be. The intelligence I have from the UK health system is that the majority of people, if they are living a relatively healthy lifestyle, will learn (or their immune systems will learn) to battle this to the extent that outbreaks will stop almost altogether after 24 months, if not before. Certainly it seems that every subsequent outbreak gets milder, and if you happen to be very unlucky, doctors can talk to you about antivirals as a preventive method (although my health professionals have all said that they rarely see this being necessary unless the patient has a very unhealthy lifestyle i.e. is a substance abuser of some kind)
I now see it as something that yeah, it's ugly, and yeah, this episode has been absolute agony, to the point where whenever I needed to pee I couldn't help but cry. But I can now see that if I take care of myself and treat myself and my body with respect, I can look forward to this becoming a minor nuisance. And you know what, if you can contract it no matter how careful you are, then it really should not attract this dreadful stigma. I just know now that I'm going to have to talk to potential partners first (I've spoken frankly with the guy I slept with last and as we both broke out at exactly the same time we've been able to talk about it without blame, as we just can't be sure who gave to whom, and that really helps)
Anyway, I'm going on about it now, but just to let you know that last Saturday night I didn't sleep all night and felt as though my life was over, but I certainly do not feel like that now. There's a great UK site that talks very calmly about herpes - www.herpes.org.uk - I have to say a lot of US sites I have found a little alarming - I hope no one takes offence if I suggest that this may be because there is a big market for selling medication in the states, whereas we have much stricter regulations here and therefore not so many companies stand to profit through spreading fear.....have a look anyway, it helped me.
AND HANG IN THERE - it's really not worth giving up over.
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