Question:
I began dating a man whom I fell in love with. And it is clear that he loves me. We had come to that point in the relationship where I could no longer come up with reasons for not having sex. I had to be honest with him, so I told him I had H. And that was it. With much crying on both sides, the relationship was over. He thanked me for giving him the choice I was never given. I know that what I did was right, but I'm completely heartbroken. And he is just as heartbroken. He wants to be with me, but it isn't fair that he should put himself at risk. It is devastating to find someone who fits with you so well, and then lose that person over this.

I'm 35, and I got this from a man I dated when I was 22. When asked directly if he had it, he lied and said he didn't. When I came up with symptoms, he laughed about it as if it was no big deal. He destroyed my life that day, and destroyed any hope of me having a healthy relationship with anyone. To this day, he is probably the only person I hate. And in watching the man I love tell me that I'm not worth the risk to him, makes me realize all over again that there is little hope. I don't know where to go from here. How could that man laugh at me and tell me it was no big deal, when it has affected every day of my life from then till now?!

I don't know how to continually deal with this. There is such a terrible stigma attached to this disease, when there is none attached to cold sores. It is the kind of stigma that destroys lives. All the talk about it being something 'you can get over', and 'make you stronger' is crap. It destroys relationships. It costs money. It causes pain. And, it causes lonliness. So, to anyone who has knowingly given this to your partner(s)....I have nothing kind to say to you.

To anyone who has been honest with a partner who has tested negative, but decided to stay.......how did that happen? I need advice, or hope, or just some understanding right now. This has broken me in two.

Answer:
I am going through that exact situation right now. It is tearing me in half as well. I really started to believe the two of us were soulmates, and that everything that was happening was meant to be. Until he decided he couldnt deal with my situation. The toughest thing is too be told he thinks I am possibly the one and that he has fallen in love with me and it is so unfair that he has to walk away. I know I have to respect his thoughts and understand where he is coming from. It would be easier to get over a jerk!
From all of the other posts on this site I have come to realize I need to look at this situation as a blessing. If he cant stay how can he be the right one? Or maybe if he is the right one maybe he needs some time away from the situation to realize how much he misses me and maybe he'll realize there is nothing that can keep us apart. And maybe our relationship will be that much stronger. Maybe this is a ridiculous glass half full way to look at things, but what other way is there to look at it?(and not lose your mind) I literally have to right this down on a piece of paper once a day to remind myself and to try to get through the day but it does help me.
I wish you tons of luck and hope you find some hope.LOL

Answer:
have you talked about suppresive thearpy and ways to significantly reduce the risk of transmission to a partner? herpes does not need to ruin your life. yes it is frusterating. yes there is a terrible social stigma associated with it. however it is JUST a virus...in my case i have hsv1 genitally--which is litterally the same virus that causes cold sores. but yes it's a virus, like the common cold, like chicken pox and around 1 in 5 people have it.

you can let the virus dictate your life, or you can accept it, work with it and find a way to live with it. he wasn't the one if he let you go because of this. stay strong and fight the temptation to give in to this nasty virus.

Answer:
oo

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i think i would rather be disfigured or physically deformed than have this damned virus, at least then people wouldnt think so little of me and they would know what they were gettin in to before they had the chance to hurt me.

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you guys should read my recent post in the dating and relationship section. I have been an active member here since I got h three years ago, and used to feel and think all the same things you guys do. Don't loose faith, there is a light .....

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Yes, I'm on suppressive therapy. He actually requested it. I went on it that week. But he just couldn't get right with it, even with me on it. It is so hurtful.

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in the fact that there IS someone for everyone. Obviously, if these people are rejecting you, then it is simply not meant to be. I beleive a person's true colors show through when telling them about H. Those that truly search their hearts and find nothing but love are the ones who are meant to stay, they are the ones worth holding out for.
Don't waste your time thinking about what could have been, instead, look forward to meeting the next person and the opportunities they present.

Answer:
he wasn't the one if he let you go because of this. Absolutely. Who needs a fair-weather love.