Question:
Seemingly Beautiful Transgression

Let me satisfy your needs
I can allow you to breathe
If you will only trust the unseen
You will find in thee
I am everything you need
Locked in the cage
You need an escape
Familiar aid won’t make the rage dissipate
You look around
Now how to get out
Desperate in solitude, your mind’s invaded
I’ll satisfy (the need)
And allow you (to breathe)
But I won’t let (you see)
Thy perverse (reality)
You listen to thee
Admit defeat to thy game
You collapse under the overwhelming temptation
Numb and recovered
You’re content with the effect
Unbeknownst to you I take possession of your every thought
Pollute, invade, intoxicate
As your pain I alleviate,
Your being I excoriate
I satisfied (your need)
Allowed you (to breathe)
Now you begin (to see)
Thy addicting (reality)
Your mind consumed
A slave to thee
A deepening narcosis is what we create
Oblivious that
A master exists
You fall way down into the bottomless pit
I satisfied (your need)
Allowed you (to breathe)
Now you begin (to see)
Thy addicting (reality)
Pollute, invade, intoxicate
As your pain I alleviate,
Your being I excoriate
Pollute, invade, intoxicate
As your pain I alleviate,
Your being I excoriate
I satisfied your needs
Allowed you to breathe
Even though you have seen
Thy addicting reality
You are still a slave to thee
You will never be free
From this perverse reality
You will never be free
For you are a slave to thee
You are a slave to thee
And will forever be
To the addicting perverse reality of thee
Amber Newman
September 27, 2006
In my creative writing class i am in right now, we had to write a song. I was wondering what you think, how i could make it better? Maybe you could pst songs you have written? the layout of them? i dont know.. just a thought...
Answer:
I was also wondering what it seems to mean when you read it.
.............?
Thanks for any suggestions, or feelings about it....
Answer:
I'm a little confused on where your going with this but don't get me wrong, it was very good though.
Answer:
I wrote it about temptation, and falling into Satans traps. Im sure you know, but for anyone else who reads it, i do not mean me when i refer to "I" in the peom. I wrote it with Satan being the voice of the poem.
Answer:
Originally Posted by comatose_27 I wrote it about temptation, and falling into Satans traps. Im sure you know, but for anyone else who reads it, i do not mean me when i refer to "I" in the peom. I wrote it with Satan being the voice of the poem.
Oh I understand now, (I'm about to read it over lol)Now that I understand, it's pretty awsome.It'll probably be a hit if u produced it.
Edit:I thought these were song lyrics?
Answer:
Would you like me to send this to the Songwriting forum, so you can get critique specific to songwriting?
Answer:
Sure, i mean if its not any trouble. OH! AND I AM SO SO SORRY about the copywrite thing.... i didnt know it wasnt okay as long as you say who wrote it! Its something my Writing teacher handed out on the first day of the class. I am really sorry, I really didnt mean to!