Question:
Finally wrote a complete song. Still need to work out all the music for it, but I think I've finished the lyrics. There's an explanation of the song in my journal if you care to read it.
Fare Thee Well
Fare thee well
It's far too late for hello
But I can't pretend I do not care at all
It's no mistake
That these lessons didn't take
But in the end I blame you for the Fall
Pre-Chorus:
Like a broken dagger
Whose shards are trapped within
I'm walking with a swagger
With this suicidal sin
Killing me
Chorus:
This frustration
Is a knife from within
You can touch it
It's a force to be reckoned with
This confusion
Is destroying my will
It's a whirlwind
It's a force to be reckoned with
Fare thee well
In case you couldn't tell
I have no use for drawing out goodbyes
And pretending
That our time is never ending
I never want to see you nor should I
Pre-Chorus
Chorus
Bridge:
Fare thee well
I loved you far too much
Now go to hell
I'll never feel your touch
Again
I don't belong to you anymore
Worthless sin
Hear the closing of the door
You were killing me
You were killing me
I was killing me
Until I was set free
This frustration
Brought me through this private hell
This confusion
Was sent to say "fare thee well"
Answer:
I really like it. Very good. I especially love the bridge
"Brought me through this private hell"
I'm nitpicking, but this is the only line I don't lkike in the song. It feels kind of forced, and it's kind of cliche too.
but it's a really good song.
Answer:
That is REAL good. Keep up the good work. Are you in a band by any chance?
Answer:
Originally Posted by Skeeter Finally wrote a complete song. Still need to work out all the music for it, but I think I've finished the lyrics. There's an explanation of the song in my journal if you care to read it.
Fare Thee Well
Fare thee well
It's far too late for hello
But I can't pretend I do not care at all
It's no mistake
That these lessons didn't take
But in the end I blame you for the Fall
I think that this is fairly creative, but I think that some of the lines are awkwardly put. Such as the third and fourth line.
Pre-Chorus:
Like a broken dagger
Whose shards are trapped within
I'm walking with a swagger
With this suicidal sin
Killing me I really like this part... very nice,.. full of imagery..
I especially like the use of swagger in this piece.
Chorus:
This frustration
Is a knife from within
You can touch it
It's a force to be reckoned with
This confusion
Is destroying my will
It's a whirlwind
It's a force to be reckoned with
This is pretty nice and easy flowing. My only critisism is that it seems a little unoriginal.. i mean, i don't think that it is necessarily cliche, but it just doesn't have a whole lot of areas that I stop and say, "holy crap that's a good line.."
Fare thee well
In case you couldn't tell
I have no use for drawing out goodbyes
And pretending
That our time is never ending
I never want to see you nor should I
I like this.. it catches my attention, gives me a melody of my own.
I like it when songs do that..
Pre-Chorus
Chorus
Bridge:
Fare thee well
I loved you far too much
Now go to hell
I'll never feel your touch
Again
I don't belong to you anymore
Worthless sin
Hear the closing of the door
Wow.. intense. I like the lines a lot.. I'm almost thinking that the melody here would make for a great solo.
You were killing me
You were killing me
I was killing me
Until I was set free I think that this is a little dry.. I like the third line though.
This frustration
Brought me through this private hell
This confusion
Was sent to say "fare thee well"
This is good. I think that the 'private hell' part is a little awkward, though. It just doesn't seem to fit very well. It almost seems like a proper way to put it. I'm not sure exactly what I mean by that, though.
Nice job... let us know when you come up with some music.
Blessings,
Swank
Answer:
Originally Posted by Skeeter Fare thee well
It's far too late for hello
But I can't pretend I do not care at all
It's no mistake
That these lessons didn't take
But in the end I blame you for the Fall Pretty good, but I think that replacing "do not" with "don't" might make the verse flow better.
Pre-Chorus:
Like a broken dagger
Whose shards are trapped within
I'm walking with a swagger
With this suicidal sin
Killing me I really like this, especially using swagger in the rhyme scheme.
Chorus:
This frustration
Is a knife from within
You can touch it
It's a force to be reckoned with
This confusion
Is destroying my will
It's a whirlwind
It's a force to be reckoned with I agree with Swanky, the chorus isn't necessarily bad, but there's nothing real original to latch onto.
Fare thee well
In case you couldn't tell
I have no use for drawing out goodbyes
And pretending
That our time is never ending
I never want to see you nor should I Another great verse, no complaints here.
Bridge:
Fare thee well
I loved you far too much
Now go to hell
I'll never feel your touch
Again
I don't belong to you anymore
Worthless sin
Hear the closing of the door Excellent, that's all I can say.
You were killing me
You were killing me
I was killing me
Until I was set free Looks repetitive, but I can see it working with the right music.

This frustration
Brought me through this private hell
This confusion
Was sent to say "fare thee well" I hate to sound like a broken record, but the "private hell" line seems a bit awkward.
Another great song man, keep up the good work.
Answer:
I'll re-think "private hell." Thanks for all your critique, I greatly appreciate it.