Question:
"Masquerade"
Verse I
Her heart is so empty inside that she must hide
So she covers herself with a masque in a game
She is so dark within that she cannot confide
So many masques have left her without a name
She never makes it on her own prance
So every step is just a bigger dance
Her heart is so lonely, she must ask
Why am I still wearing this masque?
Bridge I
Her heart is so empty
That she must run and hide
A masque so appealing
Hiding whats inside
You
You are searching
You
You are empty
No matter what the masques all say
On the inside tears fall away
You
You are empty
Oh
Chorus
Redemption is not far
For her mourning heart
A masque so appealing
She lets it die willing
Verse II
Her heart is now so lovely and beautiful inside
All the petty masques are burned away
She has no reason now to run and hide
She comes alive with vibrancy everyday
She now puts her decisions and her prance
Every step she takes now is not just a dance
Her heart is never lonely, she still asks
Why did I ever choose to wear a masque?
Bridge II
Her heart is beauty
Because it is real
A masque burned freely
Now she can feel
You
You have found it
You
You are free of it
No matter what the masques all say
Now we see how you act today
And you
You are beautiful
To me
Repeat Chorus
Answer:
It's not much that hasn't been written many times before.
However, the first time I read it, I misread the first word as "my."
That made it a lot more interesting, because then "heart" was personified.
I stopped and was like "huh... your heart is a she that wears a mask? good lines."
Just a thought, but you might want to try changing the grammatical person of the song.
That said:
It's written fairly well. Nothing glaringly bad. Lots of stuff that could be better.
For example, you use words awkwardly for the sake of rhymes: "confide" & "prance."
"Confide" almost always need the prepostion "in." "Prance" rarely takes a noun form.
Those two things make your writing make very little sense every time they come up.
It's not good writing to force rhymes in that way. You lose all meaning in the process.
Answer:
anybody have any other suggestions?