Question:
Days When He Could Fly
Hey lad
Is that a beer in your hand
because you know your much to young
to be drinking son
so here's a gun
go start a war
liberate
and desicrate a cultuer
turn them into us
cause then they'll be happy
are you happy?
An old man
with a pipe in his hand
glowing amber like the sun
he sits
rocking in his chair
under the moonlight
the feather in his hat
remindes him of the day when he could fly
now his cain
is a cruch for his pain
and all these pills he take
take away his memories
the grass
is damp beneath the backs
of two young lovers
as they lay
under the old oak tree
in the park
they stair up through the branches
and speak in tearms of youthfull optumisum and love
"forever"
"forever"
he wispers in here ear
"I will love you
till every one
of those stars shining in the sky
turn dark"
Answer:
This should probably be moved to the songwriting forum.
Answer:
Originally Posted by alanternvoice Days When He Could Fly
Hey lad
Is that a beer in your hand
because you know your much to young
to be drinking son
so here's a gun
go start a war
liberate
and desicrate a cultuer
turn them into us
cause then they'll be happy
are you happy?
An old man
with a pipe in his hand
glowing amber like the sun
he sits
rocking in his chair
under the moonlight
the feather in his hat
remindes him of the day when he could fly
now his cain
is a cruch for his pain
and all these pills he take
take away his memories
the grass
is damp beneath the backs
of two young lovers
as they lay
under the old oak tree
in the park
they stair up through the branches
and speak in tearms of youthfull optumisum and love
"forever"
"forever"
he wispers in here ear
"I will love you
till every one
of those stars shining in the sky
turn dark"
Wow,.. that's all I can say! I really like the first stanza you have there..
You have some catchy lines there,.. and I can really picture what you're saying.
I think these are my favorite lines...
.....you know your much to young
to be drinking son
so here's a gun
go start a war Nice.. I like the whole idea of the song.
The only critiques I have for you are:
1. I think it seems pretty unstructured.
Which are verses? Is there a Chorus? Are they all verses?
2. The number of lines in each stanza varies. The first one has 11, the second has 12, and the last one has 15. Does this work with music? Regardless, I would absolutely love to hear it if you can record it to your computer.
Blessings,
Swank
Answer:
I like it. A lot. You have some wonderful lines in this song. The only thing negative I can see is spelling mistakes, and those are forgivable.
Answer:
the basic format of the song is
Verse 1
Verse2
Guitar Solo
Verse 3
Ending
I post a link to hear it after i get it on the computer