Question:
Hey I don't consider myself a good song writer, but.... I try And i don't sing good either. This is my first song and it still in progress and i made up some stuff in 2 min. So it will change a lot. I mean ALOT, please give comments.
Verse 1:
I feel it now, I see it now
A never ending line of love is flowing from you
I feel alive
And never will your love cease
For your are everlasting
And I am tempermental on this earth
All is ending
All is cluncluding but you
You pervade through it all
I will see you in the end
Zac, (told you so )
Answer:
I feel it now, I see it now
But I don't know how
I feel alive
And I know I must drive
To that never ending goal
To save my friends soul
And never will your love cease
For I will be at peace
For your are everlasting to everlasting
And I am tempermental on this earth
All is ending but,
All is ceasing but
You, You stay through it all!
I will see you in the end
I tried to rhyme, and I think.. i don't know i need comments though, I wanna know if it flows.
Zac
Answer:
Let me start this off with a slight disclaimer: I tend to sound a lot harsher in writing than I intend to, so in case the point gets confused in the muddle of constructive criticism to come, let it be established that I DO like what you've written. Now, onto the melee...
It seems to flow fairly well, or the second version does, anyway. Only part where I got thrown off too bad was at the sixth line, "to save my friend's soul." Up till this point, the lyrics all seems to be basically on the same theme. But on the next line, the thought is left unfinished, starting with an "and" that seems to not be linked to anything. You might try revising a little so that it's clearer as to what the point of the song is; a difficulty persevering to save a friend (first six lines), or a praise song (last eight).
one thing you might think about though, is a little bit more complex rythm to the actual rhyme structure. while rhyming every two lines together works, it leaves the song feeling.... predictable. even the best song can get boring fast if it just does the same thing over and over again, whether musically or lyrically.
A couple of things that you might try:
1. try changing the number of beats or syllables in each rhyming line. This way, though the mind will know what rhyming sound to expect, it doesn't get bored by knowing exactly when to expect it. Of course, this is incurably difficult if you have already written the music for it, but it didn't sound like you had.
2. right now, the main portion of your song has a pattern of
A
A
B
B
C
C
and so on, as far as which lines rhyme with each other. It might sound better if you try doing something like
A-----or-----A
A-----or-----B
B-----or-----A
C-----or-----B
C-----or-----C
B-----or-----C
3. On your first line, you've kinda touched on a third rhyming method, though I guess using the same word isn't technically rhyming. If you are using a set rhyming pattern, a good way to break it without it being distracting from the song is to rhyme two words on the same line. That way, you've satisfed your ear's expectaion of a rhyme pair, but are still early enough in the music that you can easily change up the next line without worrying that it will sound awkward. It's especially useful when trying to figure out those horribly annoying last few words before transferring from a verse to a chorus.
Anyway, to wrap up, I think it needs work, but I like it. sorry for the rather obscenely long post, but I've been spending too much time in the Theory forum. It's nice to finally post about something I understand...
edit: and now, after typing all that, I just finally got the joke on rhyming at the end of your post..... I really need more sleep....
Answer:
yea a new reversion with a chorous. and some guitar chords=) I still need to work a lot on Verse 1, but the Chorus I think is pretty solid....maybe I should have 2 chorus' maybe....
I feel you now, I see you now
But I don't know
But I do know I must drive on
To that never ending goal
Never will your love cease
For you are everlasting to everlasting
And I am tempermental on this earth
Chorous
/=down strum...\=up strum
(Em) (mute quickly and start next chord) / \ / \ /
All is ending but,
(D) (mute quickly and start next chord) / \ / \ /
All is ceasing but (2x's)
(A) / (pause till all!) (C) till you can't sing "all" anymore
You, You stay through it all! (2x's)
Last line of the song 4 sure... i think
I will see you in the end!undefined
Zac
Answer:
I need to make my song flow I just can't... cause I got this rythm stuck in my mind that I made up and i'm trying to sing and play it on the guitar and i seem to make the song choppy I need help! please ugg......
Zac
Answer:
WRITERS BLOCK!!!!!! GRRRR what do i write!
Answer:
Originally Posted by Shinobi83 WRITERS BLOCK!!!!!! GRRRR what do i write!
Do you ever have one of those days when you really start thinking about something? Do you ever catch yourself talking in such an inspirational way that you scare yourself?? I do.. and I write it all down. It's fun.
Just write.. it doesn't matter what. For me, I decide on something to write, and I write just about everything I can on that subject. If I don't like it, I simply take out some lines I like, and write them somewhere else to start something else. Think of anything. School. Friends. God.
What are your relationships like with God and your friends? Do feel like they could be better? How would they be better? You don't necessarily have to start writing with rhymes, structure, or even in paragraphs. Just write what ever you want.. whatever you care about. Even if it doesn't make sense, just keep writing. You can turn it into a song when you've gotten your thoughts on the paper.
Good luck.
Blessings,
Swank
Answer:
B
U
M
P