Question:
Broken Spirit
Ps. 51
V1-What have I done?
I pledged to You only to run.
Run in a different direction.
I denied the Spirit’s correction.
Chorus-I sinned against You, and You alone.
Now I feel like I’m on my own.
With a broken spirit, I come to You,
Through this hurt, pull me through.
V2-Wash me whiter than snow,
Only You can make me whole.
Create in me a pure heart,
Then pull me out of the dark. (Chorus)
V3-Oh Lord, have mercy on me.
Bring these blind eyes to see.
According to Your great compassion,
Blot out my transgression. (Chorus)
Bridge-Hide my sin from Your face,
Rain down Your showers of grace.
May these tears stop to flow,
Lord, it’s obedience I need to know!

Chorus 2x
Lord, through this hurt, pull me through!
Answer:
Originally Posted by drjekyll2003 Broken Spirit
Ps. 51 I often have trouble critiquing songs based on Psalms. The challenge is to say something unique and interesting while staying true to scripture. Let's see how you did.
V1-What have I done?
I pledged to You only to run. This is a great start. The idea of pledging to run is an interesting one that bumps against what we would expect.
Run in a different direction.
I denied the Spirit’s correction. Good way to finish off the thought started in the first two lines.
Chorus-I sinned against You, and You alone.
Now I feel like I’m on my own.
With a broken spirit, I come to You,
Through this hurt, pull me through. The first line of the chorus is one of my favorite thoughts from the Psalms; the idea that our sins are against God alone. However, the "alone/own" rhyme is a very clichéd one. It feels forced. Fitting into a rhyme scheme shouldn't force you to write specific lines.
The last two lines are pretty cliché and average as well. I would suggest delving deeper into Psalm 51; there's some really interesting thoughts in the psalm that would make for a more interesting chorus. Take verse 8 for example:
"Make me to hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice."
Now that's an interesting image. Instead of God pulling you out of pain, what if the pain itself is part of God's work? Instead of repeating what many songwriters have said before, why not use this image, which is often far more truthful. God sometimes has to break us to save us.
V2-Wash me whiter than snow,
Only You can make me whole.
Create in me a pure heart,
Then pull me out of the dark. (Chorus) The two thoughts here, washing whiter than snow and creating a pure heart, are the images from Psalm 51 that everyone uses. As such, they've lost their impact. There are other thoughts in Psalm 51 that might serve you better. For instance, take the first half of verse 7:
"Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean."
Hyssop was a plant used in Hebrew purification rites. There's something you don't hear a lot about in modern songs. If you're going to talk about washing, try something other than "whiter than snow." Or instead of singing about creating a clean heart talk about renewing a steadfast spirit, which is less focussed on.
V3-Oh Lord, have mercy on me.
Bring these blind eyes to see.
According to Your great compassion,
Blot out my transgression. (Chorus) This is okay. Not amazing, but it's well put together.
Bridge-Hide my sin from Your face,
Rain down Your showers of grace.
May these tears stop to flow,
Lord, it’s obedience I need to know! The "face/grace" rhyme hurts. Other than that, this is a decent bridge.
Writing from the Psalms is difficult as most of the images the Psalmists used have been re-used again and again by other songwriters. My advice would be to delve deeper into the Psalms and search for other images that don't get used as often. This will, of course, be more difficult, but it can also be very rewarding. It is rarely a bad idea to go deeper into scripture. God may teach you some amazing things.
Answer:
hey thanks for responding! I took your advice and played around with the song last night. I'm still working on the "clean heart" part. Once it's done I'll post the new version. Thanks again!
Answer:
No problem at all. I do what I can.
Answer:
ok,I couldn't come up with anything for the clean heart part...so here's the other stuff I changed....
Broken Spirit
Ps. 51
V1-What have I done?
I pledged to You only to run.
Run in a different direction.
I denied the Spirit’s correction.
Chorus-I sinned against You, and You alone.
And You’ve crushed in me every single bone.
With a broken spirit, I come to You,
Through this hurt, give me joy anew.
V2-Stain me, with hyssop, red.
Peel away the skin that is dead.
Create in me a pure heart,
Then pull me out of the dark. (Chorus)
V3-Oh Lord, have mercy on me.
Bring these blind eyes to see.
According to Your great compassion,
Blot out my transgression. (Chorus)
Bridge-Hide my sin from Your face,
Let me know my humble place.
May these tears stop to flow,
Lord, it’s obedience I need to know!

Chorus 2x
Lord, through this hurt, pull me through!
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I left that last line in to make it something different...