Question:
You guys tell me how this song sounds.
Verse 1 & 2:
I am so weak without the Lord
It even says it in His word
Not gonna give up now, I'll try again
I need the Lord so I can be a new man
Pre-Chorus:
Take this hand
I wanna be a new man
I won't give up now
Turn this life around
Chorus:
I won't give up now
I won't give up then
I will try hard to be a new man
Take this hand and help me through
I can't live this life without you
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Tell me if it sounds good, correct me on some spots. Also can you guys give me some guitar tabs? Try to make them distorted, unless it sounds better clean.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Disciple Freak You guys tell me how this song sounds. I can't really tell you how the song sounds; that part is up to you. But I can read these lyrics and let you know what I think.
Verse 1 & 2:
I am so weak without the Lord
It even says it in His word
Not gonna give up now, I'll try again
I need the Lord so I can be a new man All these things are good and true, but the problem is that you are telling us instead of showing us. The most important thing I can tell you about songwriting (and writing in general) is show, don't tell. In this verse you are telling us you are weak, telling us that it says so in the Bible, telling us you're not going to give up, and telling us that you need God. What you need to do is show us all these things. In what ways are you weak? How are you going to try again? Why do you need God? How much do you need God? What kind of new man would you become?
Pre-Chorus:
Take this hand
I wanna be a new man
I won't give up now
Turn this life around The first line here is an example of showing us rather than telling us. Unfortunately, it's also an example of a cliché. Since you are a unique creation of God, with unique life experiences, and a unique viewpoint on life, you should use unique ways of expressing yourself.
Chorus:
I won't give up now
I won't give up then
I will try hard to be a new man
Take this hand and help me through
I can't live this life without you I like the first two lines of the chorus. Caught me off guard a little and it's a bit clever. However, the rest of this chorus is cliché.
Also can you guys give me some guitar tabs? Try to make them distorted, unless it sounds better clean. This isn't the purpose of the songwriting forum. We're not going to write your song for you.
Answer:
The lyrics are very direct and somewhat common. This is ok and can even be good if the music is good behind it.
Answer:
dude that sound good enough to me... better than what I can write... I'm trying to write a song but it isn't working for me so you have more than I do.. good luck with the rest of it!!
Answer:
The main criticism I would offer is that you basically repeat the same ideas in each of the three sections.
The phrases "be a new man" and "I won't give up now" appear in the verse, the pre-chorus, and the chorus.
That's just plain silly, and it forces you into bland writing. Stop repeating your ideas, or they'll never develop.