Question:
Wrote this one on Friday based on some jamming during band practice on Thursday. I really like the music, but the lyrics need some work. Help me out, please.
Jasmine Jazz
We'll fastforward through our favorite parts because
We don't want them to get old
We'll change the station when our favorite songs in the car
Start playing on the radio
[chorus1]
There's a time for everything under the sun
A time for work a time for fun
Just 'cause I don't want to spend every moment with you
Doesn't mean I don't love you (because I do)
I want every moment to be something special
I don't want to get in a rut
But maybe routine's where our hearts come together
Repeat this refrain like the record's getting stuck
[chorus2]
There's a time for everything under the sun
A time for work a time for fun
And sometimes I want to spend every moment with you
Sometimes I just can't stand being away from you
It's time for some romancing, but I don't feel like dancing
You make the tea, I'll light the candles
We'll drink some Jasmine Jazz and make the moment last
Just as long as we can handle
[chorus1]
[chorus2]
Answer:
Originally Posted by Skeeter Wrote this one on Friday based on some jamming during band practice on Thursday. I really like the music, but the lyrics need some work. Help me out, please.
Jasmine Jazz
We'll fastforward through our favorite parts because
We don't want them to get old
We'll change the station when our favorite songs in the car
Start playing on the radio
Decent first verse. The flow of the lyrics needs some work. "In the car" should come out.
Originally Posted by Skeeter
[chorus1]
There's a time for everything under the sun
A time for work a time for fun
Just 'cause I don't want to spend every moment with you
Doesn't mean I don't love you (because I do)
Everything under the sun is kinda cliched. And again, the flow needs work.
Originally Posted by Skeeter I want every moment to be something special
I don't want to get in a rut
But maybe routine's where our hearts come together
Repeat this refrain like the record's getting stuck Okay second verse. The second line is too short compared to the others.
Originally Posted by Skeeter [chorus2]
There's a time for everything under the sun
A time for work a time for fun
And sometimes I want to spend every moment with you
Sometimes I just can't stand being away from you The last two lines of this second chorus are too similar. One of them needs to be different.
Originally Posted by Skeeter It's time for some romancing, but I don't feel like dancing
You make the tea, I'll light the candles
We'll drink some Jasmine Jazz and make the moment last
Just as long as we can handle I think this should be the end of the song. I don't know if I would repeat both choruses again.
Originally Posted by Skeeter [chorus1]
[chorus2]
Answer:
Okay, I really need to get the music posted on here; the rhythm of the lyrics is very much dependent on the music, so the flow issues you are identifying aren't really there.
Answer:
Yah, post the song and that would help alot.