Question:
hey all this is a song I have been working on and I wondered what you all thought
The Road Ahead
Verse 1:
I'm looking down the road, and seein' no one in sight
No one cares and nothin' is going right
My mind's made up I'm going to walk
I'm not looking back, and I'm not gonna stop
Chorus: Oh, the road ahead
Where am I goin'? Oh I don't know
Oh the road ahead
this weight on my shoulders
Is a burden I can't shed
Verse 2:
I'm walking down the road, and looking up at the sky
Wonderin' who I am, where I'm going and why
My feet are heavy laden, don't know where they're taking me
Don't know who i am, or who i will be
Chorus
Bridge: Someone help me find the way, I can't do this my self (repeat once)
Chorus
What do you all think? I have a melody going and everything.
Answer:
Originally Posted by revolve I'm looking down the road, and seein' no one in sight
No one cares and nothin' is going right
My mind's made up I'm going to walk
I'm not looking back, and I'm not gonna stop It's a tad cliche'd, but other than that, the only problems are that the rhythm is being hard for me to catch, and 'seein' no one in sight' is redundant.
Oh, the road ahead
Where am I goin'? Oh I don't know
Oh the road ahead
this weight on my shoulders
Is a burden I can't shed Nice--short and to the point. This is, I think, the best part of the song.
I'm walking down the road, and looking up at the sky
Wonderin' who I am, where I'm going and why
My feet are heavy laden, don't know where they're taking me
Don't know who i am, or who i will be Nice. It adds to the chorus and the first verse both. Your feet wouldn't be heavy-laden, unless you had really heavy shoes.
Someone help me find the way, I can't do this my self (repeat once) Very cliche. Otherwise, I suppose it's a good topic sentence for your song.
Answer:
maybe replace "feet" with "steps" for that heavy laden line?
patrick.
Answer:
Originally Posted by paat maybe replace "feet" with "steps" for that heavy laden line?
patrick.
Yah, that sounds good to me. And the first verse does sound kind of cliche.
But other than that, good job.