Question:
I've been out of the game for a bit, so excuse whatever hideousness has crept in during the sabbatical.
I present, for your inspection, dissection and condemnation:
The Lament of a False Prophet
All former things are passed away,
Are you addicted to silence?
Is this your swift stroke, your touché?
The inert cold attacks with a bitter violence,
Discontent and probably dissonant,
I have a hard time mustering a smile,

Today is a fact we didn't see,
Back when we believed that things,
Don’t die half-grown.
Or has nothing really changed?
My memories are a triviality,
The drawings I made at midnight are strange,
In daylight’s unrelenting, amnesiac reality,
My best lines become asinine,
Ugly scrawling overtop dialogue,
Today is a fact we didn’t see,
Back when we believed that things,
Don’t die half-grown.
False prophets, we thought we saw all,
Unable to see past naivety,
Roads you chose rendered those visions null,
And exposed our raw gullibility,
You disguise your acceptance of lies,
I am vulnerable with no way to hide.
Today is a fact we didn’t see,
Back when we believed that things,
Don’t die half-grown,
Today is the day you teach me,
That no matter what I want to believe,
Things do die half-grown,
The denouement I saw and illuminated with hope,
Is far different from the bitter ending you wrote.
False prophets we thought we saw all.
Answer:
*bump*
Answer:
Originally Posted by Small All former things are passed away,
Are you addicted to silence?
Is this your swift stroke, your touché?
The inert cold attacks with a bitter violence,
Discontent and probably dissonant,
I have a hard time mustering a smile, I like this verse. "Inert" strikes me as sounding out of place, but I wouldn't worry much about it.
Or has nothing really changed?
My memories are a triviality,
The drawings I made at midnight are strange,
In daylight’s unrelenting, amnesiac reality,
My best lines become asinine,
Ugly scrawling overtop dialogue,
I'd be careful packing so many upper-vocabulary words into one place. These kinds of words are part of your style, no doubt, but too many in one place may frustrate people who don't want to have a dictionary in hand while listening to the song. This verse pushes the envelope in that sense, but I think it still comes out okay.
False prophets, we thought we saw all,
Unable to see past naivety,
Roads you chose rendered those visions null,
And exposed our raw gullibility,
You disguise your acceptance of lies,
I am vulnerable with no way to hide. I like this part a lot, especially the first lines about false prophets.
Today is a fact we didn’t see,
Back when we believed that things,
Don’t die half-grown,
Today is the day you teach me,
That no matter what I want to believe,
Things do die half-grown, The chorus is good, though I have to be honest and say it looks kind of drab. I think it's the half-grown idea. I can't put my finger on exactly why, but for some reason it just doesn't work for me.
The denouement I saw and illuminated with hope,
Is far different from the bitter ending you wrote.
False prophets we thought we saw all. Nice tag to end on.
Well, I like the song a lot, but I don't think it's one of your best. Great job though as usual, keep up the writing man.
Answer:
Small, despite my constant cynicism and pessimistic habits, I'm terrible at RCs. I cannot find wrong things in songs, I cannot very well look at one and say that such a part is weak or this word doesn't do. Cliche ideas, I should think I can catch well enough, but you never really have much of a problem with that, leaving me even more pathetic. Thank you, sir, thank you very much.
Let us continue, shall we?
The Lament of a False Prophet
All former things are passed away,
Are you addicted to silence?
Is this your swift stroke, your touché?
The inert cold attacks with a bitter violence,
Discontent and probably dissonant,
I have a hard time mustering a smile,
It doesn't seem very clear at first as to what you're getting at, but then again, I am weary and senseless. Good verse overall.

Today is a fact we didn't see,
Back when we believed that things,
Don’t die half-grown.
I like this. Short and sweet, as I think they refer to it. Though not so sweet, but you understand...
Or has nothing really changed?
My memories are a triviality,
The drawings I made at midnight are strange,
In daylight’s unrelenting, amnesiac reality,
My best lines become asinine,
Ugly scrawling overtop dialogue,
You must remember that the general populace only really has what is counted as half of a brain, not excluding myself, and that if they are expected to listen to this (unless for some reason, you're only going to play for the elite, in which case, enjoy), they must be able to comprehend it. Not everyone is a word whore (keeping in mind that it's meant as a compliment), and so I suggest one large word at a time.
In other shorter and more pathetic words, I agree with Supa.
False prophets, we thought we saw all,
Unable to see past naivety,
Roads you chose rendered those visions null,
And exposed our raw gullibility,
You disguise your acceptance of lies,
I am vulnerable with no way to hide.
Good, good. I do like it.
Today is a fact we didn’t see,
Back when we believed that things,
Don’t die half-grown,
Today is the day you teach me,
That no matter what I want to believe,
Things do die half-grown,
That seems to work well. Again, lovely.
The denouement I saw and illuminated with hope,
Is far different from the bitter ending you wrote.
False prophets we thought we saw all.
Good ending.
Overall, far above mediocre, but not attention-grabbing.
Or perhaps my attention span has problems?