Question:
Now is the time when all the leaves change
Green fades to auburn orange and amber waves of grain
Everything is new, but relaxed and content
And the only empty home is the one for rent
Summer’s death is love’s rebirth
I know you and you know me
Let’s put the rush behind us
All we are is who we’ll ever be
I don’t have to give up forever
To feel us pull together
What’s real will never end
Burn the letters we never sent
Summer’s death is love’s rebirth
I know you and you know me
Let’s put the rush behind us
All are is who we’ll ever be
When we come up for air
I don’t care to breath I just want to see
Everything we’re missing
And know that we’re not missing out
Answer:
Originally Posted by Adam Now is the time when all the leaves change
Green fades to auburn orange and amber waves of grain
Everything is new, but relaxed and content
And the only empty home is the one for rent "Relaxed and content" bothers me just because your using two words side by side that mean exactly the same thing, but other than that I like this verse a lot.
Summer’s death is love’s rebirth
I know you and you know me
Let’s put the rush behind us
All we are is who we’ll ever be What exactly is the "rush" you're talking about here?
I don’t have to give up forever
To feel us pull together
What’s real will never end
Burn the letters we never sent This is okay. The letters line seems to come out of nowhere, but it's not a big problem.
When we come up for air
I don’t care to breath I just want to see
Everything we’re missing
And know that we’re not missing out I like the image of coming up for air in this part.
Well, I think that first part is your strongest set of lyrics right now. The rest of the song seems to drag on kind of aimlessly. But with that said, I do like where you seem to be going with the song, and you just need to figure out a way to unify all these lyrical ideas. A stronger, more specific chorus would do a fine job of binding the entire song together.
Keep 'em coming man.
Answer:
yeah, that's the first draft. I didn't make any changes after I wrote it, hence the disconnected lines, so there's definately fine tuning to come.
thank you.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Adam_8287 Now is the time when all the leaves change
Green fades to auburn orange and amber waves of grain
Everything is new, but relaxed and content
And the only empty home is the one for rent Nice and pretty beginning. Gives a good feel for where the song is going.
Summer’s death is love’s rebirth
I know you and you know me
Let’s put the rush behind us
All we are is who we’ll ever be I love this, except for the third line. I was with you until then. I understand you mean "let's stop rushing around and relax" or something similar, but it doesn't come across very well. Rewording that line may help clairfy things.
I don’t have to give up forever
To feel us pull together
What’s real will never end
Burn the letters we never sent This verse is very weak compared to the rest of the song. It seems to just be filler. My suggestion would be to stick with the themes of seasons changing instead of this more generic relationship material.
When we come up for air
I don’t care to breath I just want to see
Everything we’re missing
And know that we’re not missing out That said, I really like this verse. You're not keeping to the theme of seasons changing, but these are some great lines.
You have a lot of potential with this song, but it could use some cleaning up. The quality of most of the lines is such that the poorer quality of the second verse really stands out. But, with a little work, this could be a solid song.