Question:
hi everyone.
i doubt i'll get much response, as i haven't in the past, but if you have the time, could you please let me know what you think? it's not my best, but i'd like some help with it.
thanks
patd
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and the angels will sing these songs...
pat dryburgh
Home:
I have let this fire out
Didn't stoke the flames
Instead I left without
Telling you what I thought about
All the times that you left me with my doubts
And all the times when I caught myself running
Were all the times that I should've been turned around
Pre-Chorus:
And what do I do when the world stops turning?
What do I do when my heart stops yearning?
What do I do when the pain stops hurting
I give a shout
Chorus:
To anyone who wants to hear
Come right in, make it crystal clear
I know right now
That when I am alone and cold
And when my worried heart is
I will sing this song
Verse:
When will I realize that
No matter what where I am
I'm never left alone
Cos I've got you right beside me
Fallen angels, singing to my now
And all the times when you when saw me running
You followed close behind and you chased me down
Answer:
you have a very ambitious title for this one...that's for sure. having a title that makes such a big claim, you better have one heck of a song or it's going to look stupid. I don't think this song pulls it off. first of all, I don't see why angels would sing it, and there's nothing new in it.
ok, the first part...the "home"? I've never heard that term used as a label for a part of a song before...what does it mean? your image switches halfway through this part without any obvious tie-in. if you're going to change it up, you need to relate the two metaphors...a fire and running.
your chorus seems disconected...the first two lines have no connection to the rest of it.
your last verse has some flaws. you mention fallen angels singing to you as if they're bringing you comfort? and then you switch to a running metaphor and it lack cohesiveness.
Answer:
haha. yeah, home? i have no idea why that's there...definitely verse...
ya, not my best. definitely not a song angels will sing...
i guess i've got some work to do...
thanks
patd