Question:
Carving Out Strange Topographies...
Make this time your last. Building democracy off steril blooms of infadels and irony in penninsulas where the only border is a deus ex machina that refuses to favor the hero. Existance in waves; invisible force pulsing through a body rejecting their latest replacement, their latest happiness. Oh, St. Valentine, I wish a fate other than the deepest richness only found where curious minds go. The bottoms of oceans can't hold locations ceasing to exist where pressure and time flow are key to the mast, the fleeing flee-er becoming surrealist in utilitarian reign. What floor are you on? This object at night objects to objecting on the plain whence pop culture bursts and the sound can't travel to those who need it most. Wrong, it's wrong how we'd be lost if myself were included but this way the direction faced does not input comprehension in a world about understanding everything while knowing nothing. Where are you from, the Urals? These arbitrary boundries need a new sedative because everything shifts all too quickly. Pretty winters, scarring splinters. It's all the same until you hit fame. The pawns do fight but bring no delight. Fight, my pawns, fight; There's no need to feed your view of right. If you would realize who you could confide in this haunting would be so much easier to take in, but throw out the recognition well received. Affection is real when compared to the real world. Take it as it comes; especially take careful care of the forming of mountains between us. What if our melting pot has grown so warm that it melted itself and all of the spoils have spilled? False pretenses in waltzing and dancing lead to being lead. The revolt has been lost. All of our dreams have simply vanished only to complement the mirrored image on the other side. Cayacking through when receiving is impossible. I've covered the whole spectrum but what it there is a whole other part to it, another region to reign over but still not be capable of understanding? I am wrong, am I wrong? The singing bells will forget to ring once occupied with more sense to mind. Why is something else taking over? Id decides even through demise. At your dismay I refuse to relay the meaningless chanting while minds cease ranting. Don't fall don't fall as you are my only wall to lean on. Where is the crater in your mind tonight? What a time to break ignorance, to sober. I'd congratulate but there are other matters to attend to. Don't phage me out while insight won't rely on the reliant. Timeless events due to needs support the changes in the dues owed to dues to do. Be rebellion in yourself. Find the relation found in memory. You can't find yourself if the you you search for never existed. Timelines have ruled our kind. I'll be going now, farewell. Waiting can not wait for events to happen that won't. Bringing tommorow: you're needed now. I'm am not going to give the falsehood that my relationship with you has become vestigial just for pride or name. My scorn, your flower, was warned but you're just too empowered by it. Crimes unfitting are deadliest to senile shivering and wooden splinter attacks. A bee sings, a bee dies. Nowhere in there does an angel get it's wings. Nowhere in there does the dead rise. Sitting atop lonely capes during serene warfare, peace is found while elsewhere, wrapped in drapes is the covering of illegal stock shares. 'In God We Trust' seems in the past, and to your knowledge alone this is my last. I've carving out strange topographies in the night, and the cost that it brings leaves wrinkles in time slots where once, alternatively, things were even less bearing of moonlight wane. Fade on, fade on, but this world will never be the same.
The Illicit Idol of Modern Sundown
Too late for you now, but there are still others, broken and lost in the pit of black.
Stop living like this, there's something better to live for.
Just another, never seen again. I feel the pain and wish he didn't have to go through what he will.
Ignorance is bliss they say, but not this time, that doesn't cut it. Fall away from meaning..
I wish they saw the truth, knew what they were getting themselves into.
You are a trickster, renderor of evil, holder of bad seeds, creator of evil seeds.
You've messed with our minds and ruined our kind.
Innapropriate words for feeble injustices don't die so bleak.
As hell creeps closer, don't fade away, see the light.
Rid of their uncanny worshiping.
These fine hours of dawn.
He went in for the last time, for the kill to put it so indecently.
The illicit idol of modern sundown brings only the greatest pain for eternal wake.
Don't go.
I weep for the time your soul arrives with meaningful pride into the heavenly gates.
Now here's something; leave life on it's string.
I don't deserve it I don't deserve it.
Fulfill your way in me.
Go there, I said, but just didn't have the charm.
Two days past opportunity, past my chance.
The catastrophie of permanent perserverence aligned with decrease in justifiable action.
They're too arrogant to repent, you heartless intent.
Thanks for the deceiving. I wish I could change things around, too bad you're never satisfied.
I think I'll take the chance, I'll leave you entranced.
They won't hesitate to celebrate, they won't ask what took so long.
Just as long as you made it, as long as you're there.
The old mannequin won't make me complete.
In dying fashion and bleeding fingers,
Interfere with our lives and be my only love.
Surgeon of the skeptical hear me hear me,
Their anguish will flood until your sword swings at full tilt;
Go in for the long stride.
Perfect, what a word. The innocent one has perished.
Things should be better this time around.
Be the cannon; offer a chance a thousand times.
He thinks he has something but intelligence lacks in appearance.
The fog so deep below; kill it, lift it.
Miscommunications completely headed a different direction.
Evil prevailed but I still swear.
It wasn't me it wasn't me
Literally the liberation's fleet.
God damn it to hell,
What a beast of an idol,
God damn it.
Thank you guys and God Bless.
Answer:
You can really just bash them as much as you like. I am just looking for flaws, ways to improve them, and also if you guys think they are any good it'd be great to know.
I've got a well over a few cd's worth of songs and poems from the start of 2005 to now..and I've been writing a ton. These are some from a few months ago, and I would love to know what you guys think.
Answer:
Well since I get annoyed when no one comments on my stuff....
This is my honest opinion, I don't mean to bash your skills. But its too deep. If you are going for the almost uncomprehendable metaphore, your hitting the target. There is a market for that so don't take this as a put down.
For me, relating is a huge part of music and I don't see the lyrics posting making a connection with a large segment of the population. As I stated before there is a fairly large sized demographic that likes the mysterious and archane, so if its you keep it up. Find a bunch of people who think like you and get their feed back, that will help you refine your artistry.
Answer:
are these poems or songs? it's hard to critique a long string of setences that are as deep as your stuff.
Answer:
Meh, well, to be honest I do have a lot of more in-your-face type stuff, so I might get around to posting those also. I was just worried, with these, about exactly what you guys found, so thank you. I write for a lot of different styles really, so my lyrics vary a ton. Sadly, these were both songs.
Answer:
The structure of the first one, rather than the content, is what made it impossible to RC. As for the second song, I probably should give it a line-by-line sometime here.