Question:
Here's a little bit of a song that I'm working on right now. It's not even near completion, but I'd like some thoughts on it nonetheless.
Currently Untitled
This nothing that I'm feeling is everything right now
There's a broken metaphor
Lying on the floor
That I never once used correctly
And you've got a lot of nerve
To come and sweep me off my feet
To come and sweep the floor
My life is in the dustpan
My life is in your hands
However temporarily
And this everything I hate is nothing I can change
And you've got a lot of nerve
Chorus:
We're here amongst the dead and dying
If we're alive, it's not for trying
My bones are all hollow
My thoughts are all shallow
Answer:
Originally Posted by Skeeter Here's a little bit of a song that I'm working on right now. It's not even near completion, but I'd like some thoughts on it nonetheless.
Currently Untitled
This nothing that I'm feeling is everything right now
There's a broken metaphor
Lying on the floor
That I never once used correctly
And you've got a lot of nerve
To come and sweep me off my feet
To come and sweep the floor
My life is in the dustpan
My life is in your hands
However temporarily
And this everything I hate is nothing I can change
And you've got a lot of nerve
Chorus:
We're here amongst the dead and dying
If we're alive, it's not for trying
My bones are all hollow
My thoughts are all shallow
I can't tell you how much I enjoy reading your stuff Skeeter..
I don't know if I particularly like the first line.. I mean, I love the line.. I just don't know if it is a good length. It seems like it would be weird to sing that, and then sing two short lines. You know???
Other than that, I really like it. Wonderful start...
Blessings,
Swank
Answer:
i like it a lot. i like all the symbolism...i'm big on that kind of thing. the paradoxes are really cool too. i also really like the first two lines of the chorus. they flow really well and just... sound cool. good job.
Answer:
Thumbs up. It's a beaut.
Answer:
Thanks for the compliments and encouragement guys. I really appreciate it. I'll continue working on this one and let you know how it progresses.