Question:
I've drawn a line of brick dust in the sand,
Ain't nobody's crossed it, ain't nobody can,
I don't have too many friends these days,
I've driven them all crazy, or driven them away.
Some people say I've lost it, others I'm possessed,
They don't even know me, but they all know what's best,
I don't know what's gotten into me,
The devil, or the reflection that I see.
Sometimes I wish that I could undo what I have done,
Sometimes I wish that I could unknow what I have known,
But then it all comes crashing back like a mirror falling down,
And the only thing that I can do is to get out of this ghost town.
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Well, it was sort of inspired by the movie "The Skeleton Key" that came out awhile ago.
I guess it was just the familiar locale of the movie, but I thought it was pretty good.
It's a very mellow song. Yeah.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Nate I've drawn a line of brick dust in the sand,
Ain't nobody's crossed it, ain't nobody can,
I don't have too many friends these days,
I've driven them all crazy, or driven them away.
Some people say I've lost it, others I'm possessed,
They don't even know me, but they all know what's best,
I don't know what's gotten into me,
The devil, or the reflection that I see. I like this part of the song the best. It sounds like a depressing bluesy song to me(Kinda reminds me of Johnny Cash)
Sometimes I wish that I could undo what I have done,
Sometimes I wish that I could unknow what I have known,
But then it all comes crashing back like a mirror falling down,
And the only thing that I can do is to get out of this ghost town. This part is cool too except the second line it doesnt flow very smoothly(maybe change it to unknow what i know), other than that I like it a lot
Answer:
Originally Posted by thyfunkispure (Kinda reminds me of Johnny Cash)
Now that's a load of crock.... but I'll take it!
Answer:
Originally Posted by Nate Now that's a load of crock.... but I'll take it!
2 aint's and a double negative...yes it's cash-ish.
I've never seen The Skeleton Key but if this song was inspired by it, then I'm pretty sure I have to see it because I like this song.
What else are you looking to add to the song? That would help with critiqueing it.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Adam_8287 What else are you looking to add to the song? That would help with critiqueing it.
I'm going to add a second set of verses, for sure, and those will go with a chorus something like this:
Sometimes I wish that I could unsee all the things that I have seen,
Sometimes I wish that I could unbe all the things that I have been,
... and some other stuff... out of this ghost town.
Oh, and the first chorus is changing wording a bit:
Sometimes I wish that I could undo all the things that I have done,
Sometimes I wish that I could unknow all the things that I have known,
But then it all comes crashing back like a mirror falling down,
And then it's all that I can do to get out of this ghost town.
Answer:
The first part of the second verse will be something like:
There's something 'bout this old house keeps me here,
A garden growing doubts and an attic full of fear,
I don't know which one gets to me worse,
The fact that I'm a martyr here, or that I've borne this curse.
some other stuff
Sometimes I wish that I could unsee all the things that I have seen,
Sometimes I wish that I could unbe all the things that I have been,
But then it all just blows away like a faded flannel gown,
And then it's all that I can do to get out of this ghost town.
Something like it, anyway...