Question:
I have a little problem with the other main youth worship leader in my youth group. A lot of times we lead together but he's never really willing to try new songs and always likes to try to stuff me back on the drums to follow him whenever I suggest trying something new. What should I do?
Answer:
My first suggestion would be to reread your post...
Originally Posted by Kenny C. never ... always ... whenever
... and consider the accuracy of the superlatives. I find in my own mind that patterns of thinking like this often make me feel the situation is worse than it is.
That said, if you're feeling slighted, talk to the guy. I'm a fan of communication. Is he "in charge"? If so, you've got a slightly harder road, perhaps, but talking to him is still going to be the only way things are going to change. Don't do it in front of a bunch of people, but take him aside after practice and say you're feeling a little underappreciated. See if you can find out why he doesn't want to change. Keep in mind that you can throw off your congregation if you change too much. Why do you want to change? Can you make a case for it, or are you just trying to be avant-garde?
Ironically, I love playing the drums, because in our church, they give me the best opportunity to affect the way the song sounds.
Answer:
What's wrong with playing drums and following him?
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Talk to him.
You could find out if the youth want to do the songs you want to introduce. Then if they do, have one of the youth approach him, that way he will know it's the youth that want it and not just you.
JG
Answer:
Originally Posted by bobthecockroach What's wrong with playing drums and following him?
Because we, for the most part, always do the same songs and he gives me little freedom as to what I can do. We've introduced one song this whole school year. Other than that we have a same 6/7 song rotation. It gets very old. I've heard that people are arriving late so that they don't have to sing the same songs over and over again.
That said, if you're feeling slighted, talk to the guy. I'm a fan of communication. Is he "in charge"? If so, you've got a slightly harder road, perhaps, but talking to him is still going to be the only way things are going to change. Don't do it in front of a bunch of people, but take him aside after practice and say you're feeling a little underappreciated. See if you can find out why he doesn't want to change. Keep in mind that you can throw off your congregation if you change too much. Why do you want to change? Can you make a case for it, or are you just trying to be avant-garde?
I think I'm going to do that. The problem is that he's not really in charge, but he's two grades ahead of me which makes him think he's in charge. I'm a Sophomore and he's a Senior.
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Or another idea. It's second semester, he's a senior, should I just let him do what he wants until he graduates?
*EDIT* This is our church's high school Sabbath school by the way.
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Originally Posted by Kenny C. Or another idea. It's second semester, he's a senior, should I just let him do what he wants until he graduates?
Nobody needs to play with a drummer who things he's been "stuffed back there" to rot. I'd either do one, two, or both of the following:
1) Talk to this person, even if he is a senior.
2) Take this opportunity to discipline your thinking. In order to become the best leader you can be, you need to learn how to play a supportive role in someone else's system with success, and that usually doesn't start with thinking that you've been stuffed back in the corner to rot, because then you probably won't put up much of an effort.
Nate
Answer:
Originally Posted by nate95366 Nobody needs to play with a drummer who things he's been "stuffed back there" to rot. I'd either do one, two, or both of the following:
1) Talk to this person, even if he is a senior.
2) Take this opportunity to discipline your thinking. In order to become the best leader you can be, you need to learn how to play a supportive role in someone else's system with success, and that usually doesn't start with thinking that you've been stuffed back in the corner to rot, because then you probably won't put up much of an effort.
Nate
Yeah, I'll do that. Honestly, I was a little bit harsh when I said I was stuffed in the corner. He'll usually ask me pretty nicely but a lot these times are on days where I am asked to lead. I still play to the best of my abilities, it's just not what I would prefer to be doing.
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Is there an adult leader you could talk to?
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Yes, the adult worship leader is actually my voice teacher and my youth pastor lives on my street so I'll probably talk to them.
Answer:
When you talk to them you need to express that this is a "Double Headed Dragon" situation. This means that there are two stong leaders (you and him) that may have the best of intentions in mind but they do not line up. There can only be one leader.
I don't know how the youth pastor or voice teach will respond, but you need to understand that the truly great leaders know when it is their turn to follow. If it happens you are asked to yeild to his leadership, then it is your responcibility to decided if you will fully submit or if you need to clear out. (Same for him if you are to be the leader).
If you are a good leader and realize that this is your season to follow that will speak volumes of your capibility and passion. Not only that, you will be just like the rest of us worship leaders who have had to take a hard road and learn to submit in a difficult worship team situation.
Answer:
So am I understanding this correctly: you're both 'leaders' although there is no real 'leader'?
99.9%...maybe 100%...of the problems in this world, from national politics to youth worship teams, are due to poor leadership or a lack of leadership.
The first thing you BOTH need to understand and live-out is exactly what Jesus modeled for all of us in John 13:1-13.
Especially verse 3, 4 and 5...
Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
Dude, this was God, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, the Alpha and Omega...and he's washing the feet of mere mortal men.
Get a grip.
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Ok, I have had somewhat of a bad attitude. I'll follow when he asks me too and I'll do it to the best of my abilities. But the one thing that I don't want to do is follow when I have been asked to lead. I just feel that when I am asked to lead that it is my responsibility and I should be the one that does it. It's like at school. If one of my friends asks me to help them with their speech I will but if the time comes for my speech and they want to take over it, I just can't let them do it. I hope that didn't come out sounding rude...
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Originally Posted by gtrdave So am I understanding this correctly: you're both 'leaders' although there is no real 'leader'?
Unfortunately, that is the case. Our youth group has no adult worship leaders. The congregational worship leader in our church is an adult, my voice teacher, but he doesn't lead in our section.
Answer:
A couple thoughts...
I wouldn't just wait until he graduates. That's kind of a bad habit to get into...letting the circumstances change for the better. Further, if these rumors about people coming late are true, you would be better serving your group by raising the issue with him. Finally, dealing with conflict, however minor it may be, is a good growth opportunity for all involved. Whether it actually pans out that way is another story , but the opportunity is there.
From what you're saying, it sounds like you're introducing new songs to him (and the rest of the band if there is one) on the week that you're thinking of doing them...is that right? For myself, I really prefer to play through a song a few times, and not have the pressure of doing it that week while I'm getting a feel for it.