Question:
I don't yet know who you are or how and when we'll meet; will we throw sparks?
And you might be around the bend of the next corner I take or my best friend
And if you asked, Mister Spock would be baffled at the illogic of it all.
Inexorable gravity pulling us together until the day we meet
As unstoppable as God's own Hand
Unforseeable as His plan
You will be
You will be
You will be
Mine.
I long to know your lovely face, I hope to find myself enraptured in your grace
To become lost in your eyes and even more so fall in love with your mind
And to my heart you will become
The ever most beautiful one
I will be
I will be
I will be
Yours
Together we will love and together we will pray and together we will touch our minds
And I await the night when I will finally say: my love, my sister, and my bride
So to your heart I will cleave
One flesh unto eternity
We will be
We will be
We will be
Ours
So everyday I look around but to my knowledge I see you have not been found
And this I pray while I wait: God don't bring her to me too soon or too late
© Galen Rappé 2005
Right now it plays in my head like a mishmash of Death Cab for Cutie's "Tiny Vessels," Waterdeep's "Wicked Web," and Coldplay's "Yellow." At least I chose good stuff to rip off, I suppose. I'll probably write original music later. It might be better if I pared it down, as well.
Galen
Answer:
That aggravating True Love Waits semi-theme-song that goes like "And I'll love you, and I'll need you, and I'll find you someday..." is what is blaring through my head as I read this. For some reason, I just can't stomach songs written to an "unknown" spouse. Sorry. It's just the epitome of cheesy pop-culture Christianity soul-mate mumbo-jumbo. I don't care how many nice rhymes, clever allusions, or gut-wrenching melodies you wrap it in, it's still just a sucky topic.
Oh well. Sorry to loose my venom on you. Your lyrics weren't bad.
I did notice some classic songwriting sentence structure dilly-dallying, such as the inevitable reversal of the transitive verb and its object, as in "to my heart you will become the ever most beautiful one" and "to your heart I will cleave one flesh unto eternity." I mean, everyone does it from time to time, and it's not always a bad thing, it just always sticks out. No one talks like that. If your song is set as a conversation between two people or a speech from one person to another, it might be best to use language that people would really use when they're talking to each other.
I like this line a lot: "And I await the night when I will finally say: my love, my sister, and my bride."
In His love,
Nate
Answer:
Originally Posted by Nate That aggravating True Love Waits semi-theme-song that goes like "And I'll love you, and I'll need you, and I'll find you someday..." is what is blaring through my head as I read this. For some reason, I just can't stomach songs written to an "unknown" spouse. Sorry. It's just the epitome of cheesy pop-culture Christianity soul-mate mumbo-jumbo. I don't care how many nice rhymes, clever allusions, or gut-wrenching melodies you wrap it in, it's still just a sucky topic. Thanks for the criticism, Nate. And I have no idea if this is some kind of current Christian pop-culture thing. I'm not up on trends or anything, I just wrote what I felt (and what would match the melody -- "Tiny Vessels" -- that wouldn't leave my head when I felt it, which is kind of ironic, since "Tiny Vessels" is about as opposite in lyrical tone as one gets from this).
I did notice some classic songwriting sentence structure dilly-dallying, such as the inevitable reversal of the transitive verb and its object, as in "to my heart you will become the ever most beautiful one" and "to your heart I will cleave one flesh unto eternity." I mean, everyone does it from time to time, and it's not always a bad thing, it just always sticks out. No one talks like that. If your song is set as a conversation between two people or a speech from one person to another, it might be best to use language that people would really use when they're talking to each other. Actually, I do talk like that, sometimes. Not very often, but occasionally, as the random desire to hits me. I do see your point, however: it's not something most people would be familiar with.
I like this line a lot: "And I await the night when I will finally say: my love, my sister, and my bride." Thanks, Nate. Most of it, I would say, is pretty well soaked in mediocrity (like most of what I write).
Of course, I'm not even sure I'll get married. The desire is there, certainly, (and what a strong desire, at times!) but Christ's and Paul's instructions in the area seem to indicate, to me at least, that the default position for a child of God should be "single", until God says and does otherwise.
I suppose the song says what I feel, not what I think. And I suppose that this would be what art is supposed to draw from, at times. I wouldn't really know; I'm no art/music critic. It's also been germinating for a while, I think.
Galen
Answer:
Originally Posted by guitarfan01 I don't yet know who you are or how and when we'll meet; will we throw sparks?
And you might be around the bend of the next corner I take or my best friend

I like this part, but it almost seems not quite complete for an opening verse. The will we throw sparks part...instead of a semi-colon maybe add something there.
Originally Posted by guitarfan01 And if you asked, Mister Spock would be baffled at the illogic of it all.
Inexorable gravity pulling us together until the day we meet
As unstoppable as God's own Hand
Unforseeable as His plan
I love this part. Beautiful. And ironically, the Mister Spock part works.
Originally Posted by guitarfan01 You will be
You will be
You will be
Mine.
I long to know your lovely face, I hope to find myself enraptured in your grace
To become lost in your eyes and even more so fall in love with your mind
And to my heart you will become
The ever most beautiful one
I will be
I will be
I will be
Yours
If you say this a female she will melt.
Originally Posted by guitarfan01 Together we will love and together we will pray and together we will touch our minds
And I await the night when I will finally say: my love, my sister, and my bride
So to your heart I will cleave
One flesh unto eternity
The first two lines don't quite seem to fit with the last two here. The first line is a good lead up to the second one, but then you don't continue the same with the rest of the verse. I would change it, or split it into two different verses, adding something else to both of course.
Originally Posted by guitarfan01
We will be
We will be
We will be
Ours
So everyday I look around but to my knowledge I see you have not been found
And this I pray while I wait: God don't bring her to me too soon or too late Originally Posted by guitarfan01
This last verse rhymes...and the rest doesn't. I like what you are trying to say, I just might try to re-word it a tad to fit with how you wrote the rest of it.
I really liked this. It was beautiful, and unlike what Nate said, a song doesn't have to be written in "everyday language". Songs are supposed to give our imaginations wings. Songs inspire us, songs take us down memory lane, songs make us feel emotions we don't feel everyday. A love song with flowy, poetic words is more enticing to the imagination than one with everyday language. And if there is a word they don't know...then they need to expand their vocabulary, lol.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Micaela Originally Posted by guitarfan01 I don't yet know who you are or how and when we'll meet; will we throw sparks?
And you might be around the bend of the next corner I take or my best friend I like this part, but it almost seems not quite complete for an opening verse. The will we throw sparks part...instead of a semi-colon maybe add something there. Good point. I'm not sure if it sets up the song properly. I'll think about it. Any ideas?
Originally Posted by Micaela Originally Posted by guitarfan01 And if you asked, Mister Spock would be baffled at the illogic of it all.
Inexorable gravity pulling us together until the day we meet
As unstoppable as God's own Hand
Unforseeable as His plan I love this part. Beautiful. And ironically, the Mister Spock part works. Thanks. I agree.
Originally Posted by Micaela Originally Posted by guitarfan01 You will be
You will be
You will be
Mine.
I long to know your lovely face, I hope to find myself enraptured in your grace
To become lost in your eyes and even more so fall in love with your mind
And to my heart you will become
The ever most beautiful one
I will be
I will be
I will be
Yours If you say this a female she will melt. Teehee. Nate was right; "ever most beautiful one" is a weird way to put it.
Originally Posted by Micaela Originally Posted by guitarfan01 Together we will love and together we will pray and together we will touch our minds
And I await the night when I will finally say: my love, my sister, and my bride
So to your heart I will cleave
One flesh unto eternity The first two lines don't quite seem to fit with the last two here. The first line is a good lead up to the second one, but then you don't continue the same with the rest of the verse. I would change it, or split it into two different verses, adding something else to both of course. Well, the "Together we will love...bride" part is actually the bridge, while the "So to your heart...eternity" part is functionally a pre-chorus.
Originally Posted by Micaela Originally Posted by guitarfan01 We will be
We will be
We will be
Ours
So everyday I look around but to my knowledge I see you have not been found
And this I pray while I wait: God don't bring her to me too soon or too late
This last verse rhymes...and the rest doesn't. I like what you are trying to say, I just might try to re-word it a tad to fit with how you wrote the rest of it. Actually, if you sing the other verses correctly, they do rhyme: "are" with "sparks", "Spock" with "all", "gravity" with "meet", etc. They aren't true rhymes, but they are vowel-sound rhymes. I can't remember what the technical term is for that. I also think that the true rhyme here intensifies the effect of this final verse; if there's anything I want someone to remember it's this part. If I'm wrong, tell me.
Originally Posted by Michaela I really liked this. It was beautiful, and unlike what Nate said, a song doesn't have to be written in "everyday language". Songs are supposed to give our imaginations wings. Songs inspire us, songs take us down memory lane, songs make us feel emotions we don't feel everyday. A love song with flowy, poetic words is more enticing to the imagination than one with everyday language. And if there is a word they don't know...then they need to expand their vocabulary, lol. Thank you very much, Rach. Especially for the first part. I will definately be thinking of a way to improve it lyrically.
Galen
Answer:
I don't have time for a full critique...but I think it's not horrible...I tend to agree with Nate...I'm not too crazy about the whole Rebecca St. James trend of singing songs to people we don't know...It's a lovely thought though...I don't particularly like that Spock part though...it seems like you're taking a serious matter and detracting from it...I could be wrong though...it's your song...other than that it's pretty good...just the few lyrical places the others have pointed out are all that stand out to me!
Answer:
Haha the "You will be, you will be, you will be, mine," part sounds kind of stalkerish .
But yeah, it seems kind of trite. Not the song itself but the topic. Just a little too sappy I think.
But good inspirations for the song .
Answer:
Originally Posted by Visirale Haha the "You will be, you will be, you will be, mine," part sounds kind of stalkerish .
But yeah, it seems kind of trite. Not the song itself but the topic. Just a little too sappy I think.
But good inspirations for the song .
You're wrong,you're wrong. I like the topic. It's one that gets a little bit overdone sometimes, but I've noticed that nobody's bagging "I Promise" by jaci Velasquez - probably because it was well done and not over the top. And neither is this. It's a topic I fail miserably with *hides* and often feed the fire or rubbish bin with. But that's okay, as long as somone else CAN write well about it.
Heh.
-.e
Answer:
Wow. Not only am I getting RC's, but I was just graced with a rare Erika appearance (though she didn't give her opinion of the song at all ).
:feels special:
Kent, what do you think about the places that others have pointed out, now that I've argued my defense?
Ted, I agree with you on odd-numbered days, and with Erika on even-numbered. The interesting thing is, that I don't really believe that God has a specific "one" out there for me, because I don't necessarily believe that marriage is in His plan for me. I hope it is, oh how I hope it is! But I don't assume it, this song notwithstanding.
Galen
Answer:
Originally Posted by Erika You're wrong,you're wrong. I like the topic. It's one that gets a little bit overdone sometimes, but I've noticed that nobody's bagging "I Promise" by jaci Velasquez - probably because it was well done and not over the top. And neither is this. It's a topic I fail miserably with *hides* and often feed the fire or rubbish bin with. But that's okay, as long as somone else CAN write well about it.
Heh.
-.e
Maybe because I haven't heard that song or I would bag on it because I can't stand her either...
Answer:
seeing as how you have questions about my opinion of the song...your clarification doesn't change my mind...it's still a bit rough around the edges and that reference still seems to take a serious song and turn it into something silly and less effective...thats just my opinion...take it with a grain of sand...
Answer:
Again, I apologize. It was a serious apology, but I still wanted you to know how annoyed I was, and that was wrong of me. Please forgive. And thanks for answering my question.