Question:
Here's a verse, prechorus, and chorus to a song I'm currently working on.
September Mourning
While everyone was dancing
I was simply looking at you
You were moving, you were beautiful
Your movements were erratic
They only made sense to me
You were moving, you were beautiful
[pre-chorus]
Some Septembers die without being mourned
Some mornings should not be remembered
[chorus]
I'll scream out loud
So you can hear me
Over the crowd
I'll scream so loudly
Tear it apart.
Answer:
Didn't want to let this go without a comment.
I really like the verse.
While everyone was dancing
I was simply looking at you It's this classic image of staring at a girl from across the room. It's a classic and I like it.
You were moving, you were beautiful
Your movements were erratic
They only made sense to me
You were moving, you were beautiful I like the repetition. I'm not sure about erratic, but I'm sure you have a meaning for it.
[pre-chorus]
Some Septembers die without being mourned
Some mornings should not be remembered I don't know what it means... so I don't quite know what I think about it.
[chorus]
I'll scream out loud
So you can hear me
Over the crowd
I'll scream so loudly The chorus is great. I hope you were planning on making it longer.
Anyway, some good stuff I think.
Peace