Question:
I recorded this one a couple days ago. I'll post the recording when I have it on this computer.
Except for You
So she said:
"Life's not worth the dying,
It's not made better by the lying,"
But are they lies if we believe them?
Are they lies if they ring true?
And I said:
"Hope is in the details
And I'm searching through my entrails
For a photograph
For your portrait's past"
[chorus]
No one hopes for what I hope fore
No one dreams the way I do
Except for you
Except, perhaps, for you
Except for you
Except, perhaps, for you
So you said:
"Grace comes through weakness
When your strength has gone to pieces,
Your delusions of grandeur
Dissolved in the water"
[chorus]
[bridge]
Pass the dice, I'm feeling lucky
It's all over but the ****ing
But if a seven is rolled
I can buy back my soul
[chorus]
Answer:
Cursing ruins every song.
Answer:
Originally Posted by WorshipJesus Cursing ruins every song. Care to share why you think so or is this just a cheap shot? I'd rather you show me how it specifically ruins this song than throw in a random comment like this.
Answer:
This reads like pop-punk to me, sort of... is it supposed to?
It's not bad... feels disjointed, though.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Nate This reads like pop-punk to me, sort of... is it supposed to?
It's not bad... feels disjointed, though. More melodic punk than pop. Where does it feel disjointed? Can you pinpoint some trouble areas?
Answer:
Originally Posted by Skeeter More melodic punk than pop.
Close enough... I was in the right ballpark.
Where does it feel disjointed? Can you pinpoint some trouble areas?
It feels disjointed going between different sections, particularly in the latter part of the song. I think the abundance of undefined pronouns has something to do with it. Anyway, I'll try to point out a few things:
So she said:
"Life's not worth the dying,
It's not made better by the lying,"
But are they lies if we believe them?
Are they lies if they ring true?
The juxtaposition of the "she said" and then (what I presume is) your response to what she said, when each of the other two verses is strictly a four-line quotation is odd. It makes it seem as "But are they lies..." is part of what "she said."
And I said:
"Hope is in the details
And I'm searching through my entrails
For a photograph
For your portrait's past"
This doesn't seem to have much to do with the previous verse, except for the fact that you're finding hope where she had seen none.
No one hopes for what I hope fore
No one dreams the way I do
Except for you
Except, perhaps, for you
Except for you
Except, perhaps, for you
Who is "you" here? It seems as though it's 'her," but then your next verse really throws me off. Also, if it's "her," it doesn't make much sense given her lack of hope in the beginning verse.
So you said:
"Grace comes through weakness
When your strength has gone to pieces,
Your delusions of grandeur
Dissolved in the water"
Here's "you" again, except this time it seems to be referring to God (since this is a Scriptural-esque quotation) instead of "her." If it's God, though, then your chorus doesn't make much sense. Also, within the quotation, "your" refers to the "I" of the previous verses, which is confusing as all get-out. It's just hard to make sense of something when pronouns keep switching / dropping references.
Pass the dice, I'm feeling lucky
It's all over but the ****ing
But if a seven is rolled
I can buy back my soul
This comes out of nowhere. How did you sell your soul? Who are you playing dice with? Why is it all over? Why are you only feeling lucky when before you seemed to be actually hopeful?
Overall, it seems like you have a lot of different takes on one theme, none of which really seem to relate well to each other. Also, the fact that there are at least three characters (she, I, mysterious you in third verse) in the song and nothing but pronouns to identify them makes it rough to make sense of. Finally, there's the bridge that I just can't seem to fit in with the rest of the song.
I don't know... my reply was probably as disconnected (if not moreso) than I'm alleging your lyrics to be. Heh. Hope you made something out of it.
In His love,
Nate
Answer:
No, you're right. The undefined pronouns are killing this song. I'll have to go through it some more and figure out exactly what I'm saying. I mean, I know what I'm trying to say, but I don't think what I've written lines up with what I'm trying to say. Thanks for your help.