Question:
I haven't written many songs in the past couple months, and I'm a little rusty, but here's my latest offering.
Insignificant
Everyone has a purpose
And I'm sure I have one too
I left it lying somewhere in the basement
I'm left here feeling worthless
All alone without a clue
Wondering where the smile on my face went
So much for the future
I've got no claim on it
I'm sick and tired of all this bull****
Chorus:
I'm a freak, I'm cannon fodder
I am fuel for the fire
I'm not worthy
I am insignificant
I am drunk but I am gifted
I am no one else but me
It's not enough
I am insinificant
I lie here dead and dying
Helpless on the ocean floor
With one else to blame but me
Just another suicide
Not worth helping anymore
Salvation is so far from me
So much for the present
I've got no claim on it
I'm sick and tired of all my bull****
Chorus
Take me now
Now that I'm unwilling
Take me now
Now that I'm your enemy
Take me now
Now that I hate you
Lord, take me now
Now that I'm insignificant
Chorus 2:
I'm a freak, I'm cannon fodder
I am fuel for the fire
Despite my sin, I am lifted
Because you have chosen me
You broke my Fall
You made me significant
I am saved and I am gifted
I'm set free from slavery
You are my God
You make me significant
Answer:
Originally Posted by Skeeter Insignificant
Everyone has a purpose
And I'm sure I have one too
I left it lying somewhere in the basement
I'm left here feeling worthless
All alone without a clue
Wondering where the smile on my face went
I like it.
So much for the future
I've got no claim on it
I'm sick and tired of all this bull****
Haha haha..Skeeter said the "S" word haha ... no, this is good.
Chorus:
I'm a freak, I'm cannon fodder
I am fuel for the fire
I'm not worthy
I am insignificant
I am drunk but I am gifted
I am no one else but me
It's not enough
I am insinificant
This sort of reminds me of Dashboard Confessionals "Vindicated" or at least the "I am drunk but I am gifted" ... reminds me of the "I am flawed / but I am cleaning up so well". I like it.
I lie here dead and dying
Helpless on the ocean floor
With one else to blame but me
Just another suicide
Not worth helping anymore
Salvation is so far from me
Dead and dying seems sort of repetitive. And it would make more sense to *me* if you put "With no one else to blame but me" .. but that's just me being wierd.
So much for the present
I've got no claim on it
I'm sick and tired of all my bull****
Chorus
Take me now
Now that I'm unwilling
Take me now
Now that I'm your enemy
Take me now
Now that I hate you
Lord, take me now
Now that I'm insignificant
I really like this chorus here...
Chorus 2:
I'm a freak, I'm cannon fodder
I am fuel for the fire
Despite my sin, I am lifted
Because you have chosen me
You broke my Fall
You made me significant
I am saved and I am gifted
I'm set free from slavery
You are my God
You make me significant
For some reason the second chorus I don't like as much as the rest of the song. I'm not saying it's not good, there's just something about it that doesn't click with me. Not bad though.
I like it Skeeter. But then again I don't think that you've ever posted a song and I haven't said "that's damn good" ... so yeah. Good stuff dude.
Answer:
overall its a good song, although the part of lying on the ocean floor reminds me too much of audio A's song "ocean floor" lol, just something to think about for a final draft
Answer:
Wow, I like it. I really like the rhyme scheme too, that really helps a lot.
The emotion definately carries throught this song, and that's what makes it hardcore. It would be a harder song, no?
Answer:
I like it except where you swear. I don't want to get into an arguement over it because nobody ever changes their mind, it's just my opinion that swearing in a christian song is like an oxymoron. even if you don't consider it wrong to use that word, if a non-christain were to hear it and think, wow this christian song sounds just like *insert one of the many foul bands here*, i guess it's alright to listen to *foul band*.
just my opinion, like i said please don't start a big arguement because they are stupid and nonrelavent.
Answer:
I definately disagree.
I like things the way you have em' Skeeter.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Dirt_Jumper I like it except where you swear. I don't want to get into an arguement over it because nobody ever changes their mind, it's just my opinion that swearing in a christian song is like an oxymoron. even if you don't consider it wrong to use that word, if a non-christain were to hear it and think, wow this christian song sounds just like *insert one of the many foul bands here*, i guess it's alright to listen to *foul band*.
just my opinion, like i said please don't start a big arguement because they are stupid and nonrelavent.
In terms of songwriting, there are just some words that prove a point better than others. Songwriting isn't about trying to sound like a goody goody.. or trying to sound like a foul-mouthed street kid. It's not even about how it sounds. It's about getting a point across.
Are you suggesting that he change it to something more like:
So much for the future
I've got no claim on it
I'm sick and tired of all this male cow fiecies
hmmm... now the syllables are completely different,.. it sounds really awkward, not to mention completely stupid.. over all, I think that bull**** works better. Not only does it grab attention, but it expresses an emotion that 'male cow fiecies', and other alternatives just can't. I'm assuming that the line we are talking about is meant to be somewhat of an agression point. If I were to change it to 'male cow fiecies' it would most certianly make it more of a humorous point, which is not the intent of the song.
I really don't like it when people come into a thread saying they don't like this or that.. and leave without giving an alternative to the part in discussion.
I however like the way skeeter does his work.. and congratulate him in his effort. Conveying the true emotion is much more important than being nit-picky about words.
Blessings,
Swank
Answer:
Thanks guys and girls. I appreciate all comments, encouragement, and criticism. I debated with myself for a long time about the placement of the swear word in this song and finally came down to the fact that I have to be honest. I appreciate Swanky's comments on the subject and definitely agree.
I like it except where you swear. I don't want to get into an arguement over it because nobody ever changes their mind, it's just my opinion that swearing in a christian song is like an oxymoron. I don't want to get into an argument either, but I will defend myself. First off, I'm a Christian, and sometimes I swear. Is that an oxymoron?
even if you don't consider it wrong to use that word, if a non-christain were to hear it and think, wow this christian song sounds just like *insert one of the many foul bands here*, i guess it's alright to listen to *foul band*. If someone got that impression from this song, then they didn't listen to the song and I take no responsibility for them listening to *foul band*. Besides, I don't know what bands you would consider foul, so I find it difficult to understand your point here. Is Matthew Good foul because he occasionally uses the f-word and s-word? What about Pedro the Lion? Or do you rather mean a band like Cradle of Filth? If so, then I agree, but I sincerely doubt my use of a swear word will lead someone to Cradle of Filth. Let's be reasonable here.
just my opinion, like i said please don't start a big arguement because they are stupid and nonrelavent. I think it's very relevant. We're talking about a song I wrote and you provided some feedback. Let's discuss it.