Question:
So much pain, so much sorrow.
It comes in endless waves, leaving no hope for tomorrow.
I hear a child crying and I cannot contain my own despair.
So constant, so cruel.
* Chorus*
It’s like waking up inside a teardrop.
Drowning. Swimming in vain.
Someone hold me.
Tell me the pain will fade.
Hold me in my dark days.
Hold me.
*End chorus*
I have heard that time heals all.
I can only feel that there isn’t enough time in the world to ease this sorrow.
I cannot exist like this, torn apart with every thought.
*Repeat chorus x2*
Answer:
um... well, no wait...it's...it's feaken awesome swt!!!I would with 99.9999continued certainty proclaim this as perfect. Good job my friend and God bless.
Answer:
Why, thank you! (But you had me scared there for a tiny second!)
Answer:
Originally Posted by swtMaebird So much pain, so much sorrow.
It comes in endless waves, leaving no hope for tomorrow.
I hear a child crying and I cannot contain my own despair.
So constant, so cruel.
Ok It's kind of cliche... really like your title but the first verse is pretty weak lyrically...It just seems like I've heard it before
* Chorus*
It’s like waking up inside a teardrop.
Drowning. Swimming in vain.
Someone hold me.
Tell me the pain will fade.
Hold me in my dark days.
Hold me.
Once again nothing really jumps out at me except the repetition of the title in the chorus...You can develop some of the ideas a little bit better
I have heard that time heals all.
I can only feel that there isn’t enough time in the world to ease this sorrow.
I cannot exist like this, torn apart with every thought.
*Repeat chorus x2*
mmm...Not bad...I think it kind of pulls the rest together...All together you have a few good images but it would be good if you pull them all together...Develop your ideas a little more and you'll have a really good solid song!
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Hmmm... thanks Opie. I will definitely try to work on those areas. It may take me a bit... but I'll post it when it's revised.
Any other thoughts are gladly accepted!
Answer:
Here it is. New version. Better? Worse? Let me know!! Thanks!
The clock on the dresser glows 5:27am into my weary eyes.
For a moment I feel a desperate hope rise in my soul.
I pray quietly that everything that has happened these last few days has been but a cruel nightmare from which I have escaped.
Perhaps my loss was all a restless dreams’ wanderings.
But my heart knows that the wound inside is real.
* Chorus*
It’s like waking up inside a teardrop.
Enveloped in sorrow, caught in its crushing embrace.
I am part of a salty drop’s doomed cascade.
Slowly trailing downward, tracing a wet path upon my soul.
A thousand more tears will follow.
I will be trapped in every one.
*End chorus*
Nearly my every thought is filled with memories, both bittersweet and sharp.
This is a broken existence, but I cannot seem to move on.
I have heard that time heals all.
I can only feel that there isn’t enough time in the world to ease this sorrow.
*Repeat chorus x2*
Answer:
This is shameless begging... please, please, pretty please critique!
Thanks.
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swt, if Creed was still together this could be one of their chart toppers! It reminds me of their old lead singer's writing, sifisicated(don't know how to spell) and yet simple. I think you've outdid yourself. I especially like the revison of the chorus.Good job and God bless.
Answer:
Why, thank you, ResonatorSphinx. You are way too nice!
Any and all comments are welcome!
Answer:
why am only nice on the internet? haha