Question:
OK, so I've decided to make a thread to include all my songs to be put up for critique. Hopefully you enjoy!
Pat D
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Charade
Pat Dryburgh
© Pat Dryburgh 2005
Verse 1:
I've been playing this charade for too long
And now it's getting old
I've been singing the same old song
I'm ready to unfold
I can't get it out of my head
That this life was meant for more
I'm ready to give up control
Walk through that open door
Prechorus:
And I'm tired of living for me
Chorus:
Won't you take me away to a higher escape
I will land on my feet if you promise to catch me
I'm letting go of all that I hold
And now that I'm free I live for eternity
Verse 2:
I've been sitting on this fence too long
It's time to choose a side
The battle has already been won
It's where my heart collides
Revolution is the new song I sing
I am changed
It's no longer me who lives this life
It's the One who saved me
Answer:
Evermore
Pat Dryburgh
© Pat Dryburgh, 2005
Verse 1:
As the sun shines on my face again
You help me understand
Why I had to sit through the rain
And I'm fallin on my knees today
Though it's so cliché
But I gotta remind myself somehow
Chorus:
To hold on to the promise that You'll never let me go
And I'm certain that my memory won't let me run away
Verse 2:
I wonder why it's hard to trust
When You've proven
You're the same today, before, and evermore
I'm surprized again
You call me Your friend
I hear you knocking, and I open the door
Let me know what you think.
Answer:
Originally Posted by paat OK, so I've decided to make a thread to include all my songs to be put up for critique. Hopefully you enjoy!
Pat D
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Charade
Pat Dryburgh
© Pat Dryburgh 2005
Verse 1:
I've been playing this charade for too long
And now it's getting old
I've been singing the same old song
I'm ready to unfold
I can't get it out of my head
That this life was meant for more
I'm ready to give up control
Walk through that open door
Prechorus:
And I'm tired of living for me
Chorus:
Won't you take me away to a higher escape
I will land on my feet if you promise to catch me
I'm letting go of all that I hold
And now that I'm free I live for eternity
Verse 2:
I've been sitting on this fence too long
It's time to choose a side
The battle has already been won
It's where my heart collides
Revolution is the new song I sing
I am changed
It's no longer me who lives this life
It's the One who saved me
This is pretty good, Pat. It's worshipful without being too cliche (though there area few cliche moments). I'm not really very good at RCs, so I'll leave it at that.
In Evermore, you again avoid being overly cliche by admitting that it is cliche ("And I'm fallin on my knees today, Though it's so cliché, But I gotta remind myself somehow.").
I think I like Charade best out of the two.
-Nick
Answer:
You are right, there are definitely some cliche moments. I think that's because ultimately, all of us experience basically the same thing. We all aspire to the same redemption that is offered to all, and we all want to follow the same God. There are only so many ways of saying those same age-old truths, and sometimes you just gotta admit to saying "ok, I know this is probably getting old for you, God, but I can't help it...it's where I'm at."
Thanks for reading them though!
God bless
Pat D
Answer:
Originally Posted by paat You are right, there are definitely some cliche moments. I think that's because ultimately, all of us experience basically the same thing. We all aspire to the same redemption that is offered to all, and we all want to follow the same God. There are only so many ways of saying those same age-old truths, and sometimes you just gotta admit to saying "ok, I know this is probably getting old for you, God, but I can't help it...it's where I'm at."
Thanks for reading them though!
God bless
Pat D
I certainly appreciate the honesty of the lyrics. They're to the point, and heartfelt. Cheers!
-Nick
Answer:
This is an older song than the last two, but it is enjoyable (I think anyway):
That Way
Pat Dryburgh
Verse 1:
I find refuge in You
I find shelter in Your wings
You won't turn me away
When Lord this life to You I bring
Chorus:
You give me a new heart
And call me Your child
You wash away all my stains
You cleanse me and heal me
Make my life whole
I'll never be that way again
Verse 2:
I did nothing for this grace
I don't deserve all this love
But in Your heart there's a place
Where you see me as Your son
Bridge:
And all I have is Yours
And all I am is Yours