Question:
Verse 1
Is that a new dress?
It lacks your signature blood stains.
Atropos would be proud,
Maybe even jealous of you today.
Is that a new knife?
That blood isn't mine.
your screenplay is to die for
your audience grows every time
Chorus
You like to think that you hold
The threads of life in your control
The greatest power of all the fates
Be sure your lies will hold the weight
Don't tie a noose about your neck
With all the slack from all these threads
'Cause when the cheated piper comes to call
then all of this will fall
Verse 2
Your first victim falls
Before their chose time
Lachesis would advixe against
Cutting your lifeline
My heartstrings were all that
Was keeping me from leaving
Pity was my motivation
Thank you for relieving me
Bridge
maybe Clotho will sow me up a new life
This time leave out the part with you
And Lachesis might be generous with life
So I can make up what I lost over you
Ok, I rewrote it yet again, everything except the first verse is different. I added more of the greek mythology references with mentioning the rest of the fates.
I'm pretty happy with this version, i doubt i'll change anything major anymore.
Answer:
i rewrote it, thanks for all the critique.
Answer:
Originally Posted by emo_boy i rewrote it, thanks for all the critique. You are quite welcome, well, you will be in a few minutes at least
Is that a new dress?
It lacks your signature blood stains.
Atropos would be proud,
Maybe even jealous of you today. Interesting intro, pretty blunt and simple. This may be a dumb question, but who is Atropos? If I had to guess, the name sounds like a character from some mythology.
Is that a new knife?
That blood isn't mine.
your screenplay is to die for
and that's exactly what I did Still pretty vague, but the picture is slowly clearing up.
tell me these telltale signs
tell of our breaking point
I hear only what I want
If things can't be the same
Then this won't be
Anything at all Well, you managed say a lot of words that ended up not saying anything at all The violent imagery you just depicted is vague enough that there is no "tangible" idea to really wrap this section of lyrics around.

You hate when it rains
but love when it pours
you hate what you have
but you always want more I like this part. It's really simple, but it also flows really well.
now we're flooded by refl[b]e[/e]ctions of streetlights.
Ripples in puddles make words obsolete,
They tell the story of tonight. Nice imagery, but "the story of tonight" is still unclear.
A dying poet is on the brink of fame
A dying love is on the brink of death
there will be no tomorrow
when we're living in yesterday The 2nd line sounds redundant in and of itself, but the rest looks good.
The only real critique I can give is that the song is really vague about the situation you're talking about. Not that vagueness is a bad thing, but in this case, the overall song is hurt more than helped by the angry, violent glimpses of the story you display in the first two sections (1st verse?). I still like the direction you're going however, so keep up the great writing.
Answer:
Atropos is one of the greek Fate's that is responsible for cutting the life treads of people.
I've been thinking about it being vague, and I do think i'll try to clean it up a bit. I was trying to be vague when i wrote it but i overshot my goal.
The last section is somewhat of a metaphor about how poets usually don't become famous untill after they are dead, but once love is dead, it's just dead.
Those lst 2 lines of the chorus (tell me these telltale.....) are just filler until i think of something better. still haven't thought of anything better.
Answer:
I edited again, practically the whole song is redone.
Please critique