Question:
I've been working on this song off and on all day because I needed to get some thoughts into writing. I know it still needs a lot of polishing but I wanted to get some feedback anyway. Also, if anyone can think of a better title I'll probably be all for it.
Faithless
Trustless
1st verse
Put your heart where your lying mouth’s been
No longer a reason for trust or warnings
Is it ironic that I lost my faith
Beneath fair skies on a Sunday morning
Pick up the phone, open your eyes
Talk to the cynic on the other line
Excuses why you felt like sleeping in
And thought I’d be fine getting screwed all over again
Pre chorus
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Or was it makes the pain last longer
Either way life gets so much harder
When your beloved just can’t be trusted
Chorus
Until my heart cracks open and leaks
All over your latest pair of shoes
I’ll be chained to this hate that tolerates
But never really soothes
And I hope you enjoy this
Because caring has lost its purpose
Now that you bled me dry and faithless
2nd verse
Your face looks more like a common cliché
Letters already forgotten and torn
So stake your worn out pen right through my back
You already know it’s mighter than the sword
Twist until it hurts and it pains you just to look
Just like the pretty face I regretably mistook
"Hello, goodbye" every other word was filling a blank
Nursing your guilt with sympathy, expect a curt “no thanks”
(pre-chorus, etc)
Bridge
Love is a b**** and she
Wanders through a maze
You can run as you like
But every turn looks the same
This lingering hope I need
Tilts on the edge of a knife
And for better or worse
So does the rest of my life
(chorus)
Answer:
Its good, but its written like you were in the "I'm depressed because my girlfriend broke up with me and went out with my best friend" sorta mood, you know? Plus, you should probably remove the "love is a BEEP" part, seeing as it is a Christian song thus giving the listener the impression you're a hypocrite, whether you disagree or not . Honestly, I'm not a fan of this style of depressing music, but thats just me speaking (I'm a very deprived person ). Anyways, take out the cuss word and it'll be good . Nice job!
By the way, I think the title is pretty good as it is.
Answer:
Yeah, I guess you could call it depressing. I usually prefer writing pessimistic songs, the emotions seem more real to me I guess. I appreciate your concern about the taboo word, but it will most likely stay in unless I can think of another word that captures the feeling I'm aiming for. Also, I am a Christian, and my songs are based on my feeling and thoughts from my christian perspective. I would think that is pretty much how most christian artists, outside of the CCM box, write songs. Thank you for the imput though, I appreciate it man.
Also, I'm thinking about changing the title to "Trust and Faith", unless anyone has a major objection.
Answer:
Trustless is somewhat more orginal sounding... I think it would work out pretty good, it'd make a lot of sense too. Just a matter of opinion
Sorry if i came off kinda hard, i tend to do that. Anyways, do you have a riff or an mp3 or something? I think this would be sortof good as NOT happy tune definately, not a sad tune, but more of a defiant and pessimistic (like you were saying) sortof tune, kinda acoustic.
I know where you're coming from on this sorta song (or at least i think you do). You're not singing it mostly as if it were... right, but like its just the way you feel. I have a friend who writes some darkish pessimistic stuff like that all the time (except anti-christian), and she generally does it as more of a the-way-I-feel thing, not a the-way-thats-true thing. Sorry if I'm completely misinterpreting you, but thats generally the impression I get from that sorta stuff.
Anyways, getting back to what I was saying, a good chord progression with a lot of defiance would sound pretty cool, and if you can, record something and maybe even try to sing it. If you can't, I'd recomend using Tabit if you play guitar- its SO useful! Its at http://www.tabit.net/ . Try it, its really helpful!
Its a pretty cool song so far, just keeping tweaking little parts you don't like. I think the Sunday morning thing is sorta uncoordinated with the rest of the song- it just kindof ruins the mood, but the purpose of the line makes sense; you just need to rephrase it.
Keep on writing!
~Da Philly Cheese Steak~
Answer:
Trustless...that's pretty cool actually. Do you care if I "steal" it
Don't worry about it dude, I know you weren't being harsh, I was just responding to your comments. I really wish I could record some demos or something, but for the time being you'll have to just use your imagnination.
Answer:
I love this song. It's void of anything I would consider a cliche, and it's very coherent and together, flows well, great job man. I don't know that I'd change anything.
Answer:
Put your heart where your lying mouth’s been
No longer a reason for trust or warnings
Is it ironic that I lost my faith
Beneath fair skies on a Sunday morning
Pick up the phone, open your eyes
Talk to the cynic on the other line
Excuses why you felt like sleeping in
And thought I’d be fine getting screwed all over again Hard to tell where you're going with this. Other than that it's fine, besides that I've been noticing overuse of "cynic" in your songs, but whatever, it fits.
The fourth line is good too.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Or was it makes the pain last longer
Either way life gets so much harder
When your beloved just can’t be trusted Nice, it puts a point on the verse, and makes a little more sense as to where the song is going, did you steal the idea for the first two lines from Jars Of Clay, or is it just coincidental? It's pretty cool, either way.
Until my heart cracks open and leaks
All over your latest pair of shoes
I’ll be chained to this hate that tolerates
But never really soothes
And I hope you enjoy this
Because caring has lost its purpose
Now that you bled me dry and faithless
It's good, in-your-face stuff, and continues to make more sense of the song, good stuff, I'll have to call it the best part of the song, it's good.

Your face looks more like a common cliché
Letters already forgotten and torn
So stake your worn out pen right through my back
You already know it’s mighter than the sword
Twist until it hurts and it pains you just to look
Just like the pretty face I regretably mistook
"Hello, goodbye" every other word was filling a blank
Nursing your guilt with sympathy, expect a curt “no thanks” The final line is a little bit out of place, and so is the first one, but otherwise I like it. The pen-sword lines are clever, and it's a solid verse.

Love is a b**** and she
Wanders through a maze
You can run as you like
But every turn looks the same
This lingering hope I need
Tilts on the edge of a knife
And for better or worse
So does the rest of my life I'd have to call this the weakest writing in this song. It seems, well, cliche. The last four lines pretty much save it from needing to be scrapped. The for better or for worse is an ironic twist on what you've been talking about already for the whole song.
I like the song, but it's a whole lot like most of your other songs. Other than that, it's a solid outing.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Small Hard to tell where you're going with this. Other than that it's fine, besides that I've been noticing overuse of "cynic" in your songs, but whatever, it fits.
The fourth line is good too. Yeah, I guess you could say cynicism is kind of a theme for my songwriting lately.
Nice, it puts a point on the verse, and makes a little more sense as to where the song is going, did you steal the idea for the first two lines from Jars Of Clay, or is it just coincidental? It's pretty cool, either way. Oh yeah, I bet you're thinking about "Sunny Days" where there's an identical line about making the heart grow fonder. But I didn't intentionally use the same line though. Well, it wasn't a conscience intention at least.
I'd have to call this the weakest writing in this song. It seems, well, cliche. The last four lines pretty much save it from needing to be scrapped. The for better or for worse is an ironic twist on what you've been talking about already for the whole song. That lyrical chunk was actually a chorus I wrote down (on Valentine's Day of all times ) and just decided to stick into this song. The last lines are my favorite part of the bridge as well.
I like the song, but it's a whole lot like most of your other songs. Other than that, it's a solid outing. I'm working on a couple of different songs right now that are actually about more than girls and relationships believe it or not. Now whether they will ever see the light of day...
Thanks Small and Emo Boy for your comments, I appreciate them as always.