Question:
This is a bit of a concept song, and once again, much more positive than your run-o-the-mill CGR song, but right now, that's just me, I'm being positive at least for the moment...
The Soup Kitchen Story
verse 1
Sally works year round in a soup kitchen without acclaim,
No one really cares about her and no one knows her name,
She says that she just wants to change the lives of the poor people on the street,
And what better way to improve their lives than giving them a place to eat?
verse 2
A man named Chuck Brown gives Sally’s place all of her supplies,
He doesn’t think of who he helps out with the food he buys,
It’s just a little thing he does to try to ease his conscience,
But what he does to make himself feel good actually makes a difference,

Chorus
You might not know this Mister Brown,
But everything you do comes back around,
And what that'll be is completely in your hands

Verse 3
Alice Stone is a hard-working single mother of five,
There’s hardly time for anything as she fights to survive,
She buys her clothes at second hand stores and gets food from Sally’s place,
She pours herself into work and her kids and burnout shows up in her face,
Chorus
You might not know this Mister Brown,
But everything you do comes back around,
And what that'll be is completely in your hands

verse 4
Britney Brown has a friend from school whose name is Eric Stone,
Who keeps her alive by making her not feel so alone,
So she tells her rich daddy how close she came to killing herself one day,
And how a dirt poor kid from downtown made so she no longer feels that way,
Chorus
You might not know this Mister Brown,
But everything you do comes back around,
And what that'll be is completely in your hands

Bridge
Mr. Brown gave money to Sally so he could feel like he’s helping someone else,
And Sally gave food to Alice and Alice’s son answered Britney Brown’s cry for help,
So when Charles Brown gave money to help others he ended up helping himself.
Chorus 2
You might not know this, but like Mister Brown,
Everything we do comes back around,
And what that'll be is completely in our hands
-----
Thoughts??
Answer:
I don't know what but I've always liked sons spoken like this.
Good Song!
Answer:
Thanks man, anyone else???
Answer:
Originally Posted by Small The Soup Kitchen Story
verse 1
Sally works year round in a soup kitchen without acclaim,
No one really cares about her and no one knows her name,
She says that she just wants to change the lives of the poor people on the street,
And what better way to improve their lives than giving them a place to eat?
verse 2
A man named Chuck Brown gives Sally’s place all of her supplies,
He doesn’t think of who he helps out with the food he buys,
It’s just a little thing the businessman does to try to ease his conscience,
But what he does to make himself feel good actually makes a difference,
Verse 3
Alice Stone is a hard-working single mother of five,
There’s hardly time for anything as she fights to survive,
She buys most of her clothes at second hand stores and gets food from Sally’s place,
She pours herself into work and her kids and burnout shows up in her face,
verse 4
Britney Brown has a friend from school whose name is Eric Stone,
Who keeps her alive by making her not feel so alone,
So she tells her rich daddy how close she came to killing herself one day,
And how a dirt poor kid from downtown made so she no longer feels that way,
Bridge
Mr. Brown gave money to Sally so he could feel like he’s helping someone else,
And Sally gave food to Alice and Alice’s son answered Britney Brown’s cry for help,
So when Charles Brown gave money to help others he ended up helping himself. Very cool idea for a song. It reminds me a lot of the character sketches on Ben Folds' "Rocking the Suburbs", except much more uplifting. The song almost has kind of a Bible school lesson quality to it, but it manages to keep a serious front around it. I think that's probably because every small event leads up to saving the life of the suicidal girl. My only crique is that I was having trouble trying to grasp the rhythm throughtout the song (the lines I bolded read especially awkwardly). I bet that hearing the music would probably clear that up.
But every single thing we do makes the world a different place,
And our reward is that we have to live with the one we changed,
For good and for better or for bad and for worse,
The difference you make is a blessing or curse,
And which one it’ll be is completely up to you I think this is where I'm getting the major Bible school vibe from, not that there's anything wrong with that. The 3rd and 4th lines are rather cool.
Again, I really like the concept of this song so I hope you keep it up. We do need some more positive songwriters around here
Answer:
Lol, happy songs are so cool! I like the story approach too, thats almost always a good recipe for a song. I agree with SuperNova on the rythm, but we probably just need to hear the song. The chorus is so... Disneyesque, you know? It's kinda awkward being read, but I think it's pretty good. The only thing I'd say you really need to work on is maybe lessening the amount of words in some of the verses because it makes the rythm hard to predict (unless you're going for a Relient K approach, lol (seriously, it wouldn't be bad as a Relient K style song)). Thats my only major qualm with this one- all it needs other than that is an outro or something to conclude it, and it would be awesome!
Keep it up man,
Philipe
Answer:
I'm also having a hard time hearing some of the rhythm...But I LOVE the concept...It's a really good uplifting song...no RC's From me!
Answer:
I'll work with the rhythm and try to post my edit soon, as for the Bible-school vibes, I found it REALLY hard to write a chorus for this song, and I'll try to work on that too.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Small I'll work with the rhythm and try to post my edit soon, as for the Bible-school vibes, I found it REALLY hard to write a chorus for this song, and I'll try to work on that too. all songs don't have to have a chorus... just something to consider. or you can make a completely instrumental quasi-chorus (i really wanted to use "quasi")
Answer:
Alright, I edited a few things, how do you like it now?
Answer:
Anyone???