Question:
~A Camel Pulls A Man Through The Eye Of A Needle~
(V)Fighting all night with shadows on the walls
Sneaking obscenely late through the halls
Tip-toeing so as not to break the silence
Of a moment growing louder, growing louder, GROWING LOUDER
Led astray by the fire in your eyes
And burning deep it shows the immaculate disguise
Your facade is falling down around you
But you never know any different...You never knew and different
A strange calm floods the sea streaming soft...so soft
And the ground is flooded by the people from trains, getting off
Oh the danger of living, living in these times
Living soft, living silent & somehow never asking why
(C)Oh Brave New World With Such People In It!
(V)Break the eggs and keep the shells, oh how we value the shards
Shuck our obligations so we can finish playing cards
5 aces says I beat you and no one ever says a thing
5 more aces up my sleeve...This is how we play the game
Guest room closets filled with clothes that have lost all sign of life
Like people gone to sleep, safe and lifeless in the night
But you trip over the toys as you sneak through the dark
Cutting the silence like your toys, oh how they leave their betraying mark...
(C)Oh Brave New World With Such People In It!
(V)Afraid to breath as you stumble through your bedroom door
Breathing may bring you down, unconcious on the floor
And holding your breath my wind up doing the same
Either way you're dead, wasted, oh what a shame
But it's all the same...
Lifted like sunlight...Lifted like a kite
Caught in a tree hiding you out of sight...
I saw you waiting there with arms open wide
Just when I thought I'd all but died...
(C)Oh Brave New World With Such People In It!
(V)Floating through the ashes, a strange sight for your eyes
Nothing is static except my excuses, such a surreal disguise
Flickering On And Off and Off and On somehow smoldering out
Reading parts of letters, you can't make out what they're about
And I wish I would have left you
I wish I could have left you there
Now surrounded by empathy, surrounded by shame
Anaudia prevails and I'll take all the blame
No scapegoat for my actions, I know I'll take the fall
I have nothing, I have you, So I guess I have it all...
(C)Oh Brave New World With Such People In It...
That's it...think mewithoutYou
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That's it...think mewithoutYou
Sweeeeet
I really liked it Does it have music?
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I really like it. Some good imagry, good irony, the whole package.
-Nick
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No music yet but I have a wicked melody in my head...anyone have any RC's?
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Don't make me beg and do the puppy face!
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I like the whole story-telling style, its SO awesome! I can imagine an English poet from the 17th century singing it with a lute, lol. It needs to be sorta happy and storyish, it'd be cool that way. I like the title, its kinda funny! Just get down a recording in you'll have one awesome song!
Keep it up man!
Philipe
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I changed it up a bit...anyone have any comments?
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none?
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Last attempt at a bump...come on guys!
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Originally Posted by Opie ~A Camel Pulls A Man Through The Eye Of A Needle~
Great title.
Caught and burnt and swallowed like the flys
They die and fall from the ceiling into our food[/quote]
This is a really silly line. It's just...silly. I don't know if it fits.
Throw out infants in the trash so we can finish playing cards This is a bit of a throwaway line. The "infants in the trash" reference doesn't seem to fit with any of the other imagery.
5 aces says I beat you and no one ever says a thing I like this line.
I have nothing, I have you, So I guess I have it all... Yes. Fantastic line. The simplicity of the language really drives home the point. One of the best lines I've read in a while.
All in all, not a bad song. I can see it working. However, some of the lines don't really fit; I think you can improve them.
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I changed the line about infants in the trash...
The flies in our food is kind of refering to minor inconveniences often overlooked...and it kind of adds to the fire theme because of the people who swallow fire or whatever...that was my train of thought...any suggestions?
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"Flies in the food" doesn't really work. It doesn't make any sense and it doesn't get your meaning across.
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Well...you've already said that...what I was getting at is...do you have any other suggestions for what might fit in...I'm lacking creativity lately...
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Originally Posted by Opie Well...you've already said that...what I was getting at is...do you have any other suggestions for what might fit in...I'm lacking creativity lately... Sorry, can't really think of anything. Besides, then it wouldn't be your line. Just keep working on it and other songs and it'll come to you.
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Check it now...it's not brilliant but it's a bit more relevant...