Question:
right.click.save.as
This may or may not be finished. If you read my Fragments thread you'll see that I simply snagged the chorus from a different song for the bridge in this song. I think it works and gives added depth to both, but I'd like to get some critique. I still think it needs improvement. You can listen to a quick recording of it above.
Leave
I'll let you drive because I know you want to
I'll be your navigator
Hand me the map and we'll leave this town
None of our friends live here
I'll kiss your cheek then we'll hit the streets
There's no one else out this early
I'll take a nap while the radio plays
Let the road disappear
[chorus]
Don't let it bother you
It's not worth your tears
Gas station receipts and back seat retreats
Punctuate the highway
Close your eyes while I take the wheel
Make up for a late night
The sun lays low in the valley
But we'll leave it behind
Say goodbye at the border crossing
I'll take a right at the next light
[bridge]
What's the worst that could happen?
No wait - don't answer that
We're dwelling on the innocent
But feeling all the guilt that we know we know
Answer:
Originally Posted by Skeeter I'll let you drive because I know you want to
I'll be your navigator
Hand me the map and we'll leave this town
None of our friends live here
I'll kiss your cheek then we'll hit the streets
There's no one else out this early
I'll take a nap while the radio plays
Let the road disappear Great intro, the imagery already paints a clear picture of what you're talking about.
Don't let it bother you
It's not worth your tears Ehh...this seems like the weakest part of the song. It doesn't really add anything helpful or harmful, it just seems kind of "there".
Gas station receipts and back seat retreats
Punctuate the highway
Close your eyes while I take the wheel
Make up for a late night
The sun lays low in the valley
But we'll leave it behind
Say goodbye at the border crossing
I'll take a right at the next light Same as the 1st verse, great travelin imagery. The first line is especially cool.
What's the worst that could happen?
No wait - don't answer that
We're dwelling on the innocent
But feeling all the guilt that we know we know Interesting way to end the song. We're not exactly sure why you're leaving, but that mystery kind of adds even more to the story.
I really like this song, and I'll try to listen to the recording later.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Skeeter right.click.save.as
This may or may not be finished. If you read my Fragments thread you'll see that I simply snagged the chorus from a different song for the bridge in this song. I think it works and gives added depth to both, but I'd like to get some critique. I still think it needs improvement. You can listen to a quick recording of it above.
mmmkay
Originally Posted by skeet Leave
I'll let you drive because I know you want to
I'll be your navigator
Hand me the map and we'll leave this town
None of our friends live here
I'll kiss your cheek then we'll hit the streets
There's no one else out this early
I'll take a nap while the radio plays
Let the road disappear
I like it...it's not the best verse ever but it really does introduce the song to the listener...And it does that quite nicely...Reminds me of Summertime by Mae a tad bit...
Originally Posted by skeet [chorus]
Don't let it bother you
It's not worth your tears
You need to do more with this...it doesn't seem to add to or take away from the song that much...I'll agree with Supa in that it just kind of sits there...
Originally Posted by skeet Gas station receipts and back seat retreats
Punctuate the highway
Close your eyes while I take the wheel
Make up for a late night
The sun lays low in the valley
But we'll leave it behind
Say goodbye at the border crossing
I'll take a right at the next light
I LOVE this verse...it's brilliant imo...I can't say anything bad about it...
Originally Posted by skeet [bridge]
What's the worst that could happen?
No wait - don't answer that
We're dwelling on the innocent
But feeling all the guilt that we know we know
I like this...It brings the song together nicely...Good stuff!
Overall the song is good with a weak spot or two...You can fix those and make this song outstanding! This song REALLY does remind me of Summertime by Mae...
Answer:
This song, along with "Emo Kid" can be found on my new purevolume account: www.purevolume.com/threewayradio. Huzzah!
Originally Posted by SupaNova Ehh...this seems like the weakest part of the song. It doesn't really add anything helpful or harmful, it just seems kind of "there". Yeah, I want to change that chorus, but I'm not sure what to do with it. I'll work on it.
Same as the 1st verse, great travelin imagery. The first line is especially cool. Thanks. I struggled with the second verse for a while.
Interesting way to end the song. We're not exactly sure why you're leaving, but that mystery kind of adds even more to the story. Yeah, I like what adding that part did to the song. It wasn't entirely intentional.
Originally Posted by Opie I like it...it's not the best verse ever but it really does introduce the song to the listener...And it does that quite nicely...Reminds me of Summertime by Mae a tad bit... Nifty.
You need to do more with this...it doesn't seem to add to or take away from the song that much...I'll agree with Supa in that it just kind of sits there... Agreed.
I LOVE this verse...it's brilliant imo...I can't say anything bad about it... Thanks.
I like this...It brings the song together nicely...Good stuff! Thanks.
Overall the song is good with a weak spot or two...You can fix those and make this song outstanding! This song REALLY does remind me of Summertime by Mae... I'll work on the chorus. Interesting on the Mae comparison. I was thinking a more Hawksley Workman kinda thing. "Safe and Sound" by Hawksley Workman uses a lot of roadtrip metaphors and I was working really hard at using different imagery than he did in that song.
Answer:
Okay, I'll be the odd one here. I don't think you should change the chorus. It's simple and it gives the impression that the trip is being taken for reasons other than rest and relaxation. The bridge further drives that home and leaves the listener wondering exactly what they are running away from.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Lee Modlin Okay, I'll be the odd one here. I don't think you should change the chorus. It's simple and it gives the impression that the trip is being taken for reasons other than rest and relaxation. The bridge further drives that home and leaves the listener wondering exactly what they are running away from. Okay. If I do change it, I'll be keeping that same feel in the chorus, because they are leaving for reasons beyond rest and relaxation. I'll think about it.
Answer:
Ok I've listened to the music and I really think the music really pulls it together...props senor!
Answer:
Originally Posted by Skeeter
Leave
I'll let you drive because I know you want to
I'll be your navigator
Hand me the map and we'll leave this town
None of our friends live here
I'll kiss your cheek then we'll hit the streets
There's no one else out this early
I'll take a nap while the radio plays
Let the road disappear
Good imagery. Though it seems the usual riding-in-car-escaping-a-boring-town scene. But well done nonetheless.
[chorus]
Don't let it bother you
It's not worth your tears
Gas station receipts and back seat retreats
Punctuate the highway
Close your eyes while I take the wheel
Make up for a late night
The sun lays low in the valley
But we'll leave it behind
Say goodbye at the border crossing
I'll take a right at the next light
I'm not sure how the chorus sums the song up. It gives a picture of the crying, but so far there's nothing to cry over.
I like this verse alot more. The first 2 lines are sweet, pure genius. The rest of the verse is just solid, nothing special, nothing terrible. I like the seemingly random last line.
[bridge]
What's the worst that could happen?
No wait - don't answer that
We're dwelling on the
But feeling all the guilt that we know we know [/quote]
Ok, I think the real point to the song comes out here, and makes your chorus make more sense. I think it would be an improvement if you could change just a couple lines throught the song it would bring it all together. And expand the chorus a little more to develop this thought
All in all great song. keep it up.
Answer:
I'm starting to really like the simplicity of the chorus. Too often I overwrite my choruses, trying to shove too much into them. I like how short the chorus is compared to the verses...I think I'll keep it the way it is.
Originally Posted by emo_boy Good imagery. Though it seems the usual riding-in-car-escaping-a-boring-town scene. But well done nonetheless. Heh, every songwriter has to have at least one song about that topic, right?
I'm not sure how the chorus sums the song up. It gives a picture of the crying, but so far there's nothing to cry over. True. However, I'm thinking it leaves a little mystery. The verses make it seem like an entirely happy event, but the chorus throws that into doubt. I don't know, maybe it doesn't work...
I like this verse alot more. The first 2 lines are sweet, pure genius. The rest of the verse is just solid, nothing special, nothing terrible. I like the seemingly random last line. Thanks.
Ok, I think the real point to the song comes out here, and makes your chorus make more sense. I think it would be an improvement if you could change just a couple lines throught the song it would bring it all together. And expand the chorus a little more to develop this thought Hmm, that's a thought. I'm not sure what lines in the verses I could change though.