Question:
I decided to try speed-writing to get the creative juices flowing. My topic was Judas. No consistant rhyme scheme, just thoughts on paper.
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You tumbled down from heaven,
You broke your fragile wing.
Shattered glass, you glorious past,
Now the darkness is your king.
So perfectly in tune with love,
But a seed of evil grew,
You had the rhyme, but in time
You betrayed God too.
The music played in your heart,
Then your heart was turned to lead.
You can't hear the music
Through the devils in your head.
The chosen one, your work was done,
Your kiss was full of death.
Haunted dreams, echoing screams,
You can't stop to catch your breath.
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-Nick
Answer:
Originally Posted by Only Alive I decided to try speed-writing to get the creative juices flowing. My topic was Judas. No consistant rhyme scheme, just thoughts on paper. Fun!
[quote]
You tumbled down from heaven,
You broke your fragile wing.
Shattered glass, you glorious past,
Now the darkness is your king.
Not bad. Gives me imagery of a glass wing, fall from grace, kinda thing. But are you suggesting that Judas was saved at one point? Just wondering...

So perfectly in tune with love,
But a seed of evil grew,
You had the rhyme, but in time
You betrayed God too.
Ugh. The third line seems completely out of place. Get rid of it. I disagree theologically with the first line, but that's another issue.
The music played in your heart,
Then your heart was turned to lead.
You can't hear the music
Through the devils in your head.
Good imagery, though unconnected with previous thoughts (except for maybe "in tune with love").
The chosen one, your work was done,
Your kiss was full of death.
Haunted dreams, echoing screams,
You can't stop to catch your breath.
Nice stanza here. I wouldn't end it at this point though. The last line seems to be leading to more. I think one more stanza would finish it off.
Answer:
Thanks for the prompt reply.
Originally Posted by Skeeter But are you suggesting that Judas was saved at one point? Just wondering...
I knew when I was putting down these lyrics that there would be theological issues. I think I wandered off topic a little, as not all the lyrics apply to Judas.
Originally Posted by Skeeter Ugh. The third line seems completely out of place. Get rid of it.
I'll see what I can do with it.
Originally Posted by Skeeter Nice stanza here. I wouldn't end it at this point though. The last line seems to be leading to more. I think one more stanza would finish it off.
I agree.
-Nick